Autumn
by fanta-faerie
Summary: Autumn Samuels hates Sirius Black. So much that she compares him to rotten meat, and the affection is mutual. She's the ice queen of Hogwarts, he's the play boy. What was their story? Why does she hate him so much? It all started on a cool autumn's day...
1. You PRAT!

"What is WRONG with you?" I screamed.

"What the hell are you talking about?" He shouted back at me.

"YOU, you ignorant PRAT, are the one that started all of this!" I poked him in the chest.

"You're the one that decided to make me start coming out in boils!" He yelled, shoving me backwards.

"Well, YOU'RE the one that turned my hair green!"

"That was revenge!"

"For WHAT, exactly?"

"For giving me a third arm!"

"Well, that was revenge TOO!"

"For what?"

"For making me stand up in the middle of the train station and start moo-ing!"

"Well, THAT--"

"Would you two just SHUT UP?" Lily pushed her way in between us and shoved us apart.

"HOW CAN I SHUT UP?? LOOK AT ME!! I HAVE GREEN HAIR, PINK LEGS, BLUE CHEEKS AND BLOODY TENTACLES COMING OUT OF MY BLOODY HEAD!" I screamed.

"SHE'S GOT IT EASY!! I HAVE THREE ARMS, BOILS ALL OVER MY FACE, AND I'M WEARING A SKIRT FOR GOD'S SAKE!!"

"Well, it suits you." I sniffed, suddenly deciding not to yell. "It brings out your feminine side. Wait, there IS no feminine side, because there's no masculine side to go with it!"

"Take. That. Back." Sirius Black growled, pushing Lily aside and coming closer.

I looked him dead in the eye and said, "Make me."

He tackled me and we were off again. I snarled, and bit his arm as hard as I could, while he yanked my hair and pulled my head back. Then I kneed him.

Yeah, there.

"Autumn!" Lily stood over us, her eyes blazing. "Get up and get back in the compartment. _Now._"

"What are you looking at?" I snarled at a frightened third year.

She squeaked and ran back into her compartment.

I flashed one more vicious look at Black, lifting a leg up to kick him again, but Lily pushed me inside our compartment and locked the door.

Then she turned around and let loose.

"For FIVE YEARS I have had to put up with this, for FIVE YEARS you two have been fighting, for FIVE YEARS you two have been punching each other LEFT AND RIGHT and never stopping, for FIVE YEARS--"

"Lily, I think she gets it." Amy said, standing up and covering her mouth with her hand. "Besides, you can't talk. We've had to put up with you and James for six!"

"But this is different!" She cried. "I don't punch Potter in the face! And I most certainly do not hex him!"

"True." She said thoughtfully. "Tua?"

"Black is an idiot. I have no more to say on the matter." I told her, putting on one of my famous I-don't-care-so-why-do-you-even-bother-talking-about-him looks.

"Yes, well, he's an idiot that you practically killed." Lily huffed.

"Who wants to waste breath talking about him?" I asked her, a look of disgust on my face. "Could you just turn me back, please?"

With a roll of her eyes, and a twitch of her wand, I was back to my normal self, with my curly black hair, too big black eyes, vampire-pale skin and with _no _tentacles coming out of my head.

"Anyway, we're almost at school. So we should get dressed. Lily, do you know where my sneakers are?" I asked her, as I started looking under the seats. "Damn it, where are they?"

"Got em!" Amy called, as she held up a pair of hideously pink and purple sneakers. I mean, they had FLOWERS growing out of them.

"BLACK!!"

--

The sorting ceremony was extremely long this year, and I was absolutely starving. The hat's song was practically unbearable as well, but mostly because all through the ceremony, Lily was shooting daggers at me with her eyes.

Personally, I thought my Bat-Bogey Hex was actually quite good.

When all the first-years had sat down, Dumbledore made his usual speech, adding in a couple of jokes to help the nervous first-years settle down.

And when he reminded us about sneaking off into the Forbidden Forest, I didn't miss the look he directed, however twinkly-eyed, at Black, Potter, Remus and Peter.

The infamous Marauders.

How I disliked them. Or at least, most of them. There was really only one that I truly hated. Out of the four, the one that I liked the best was, surprisingly, Peter. I genuinely felt sorry for the kid. I mean, all the others were, much as I hated to say it, somewhat good looking. This kid had pale blond hair that was barely existent, watery blue eyes, and a nose that reminded me of a rat. But he just wanted to be 'cool', so he stuck with the Marauders.

I suppose that I could tolerate Remus. He was, out of the four, the nicest, and least stuck-up. But I couldn't stand that he always stood by and let his friends get away with so much. He had been a prefect! And sometimes, he had even been part of the less-than-funny pranks his friends had pulled. I couldn't help but suspect that he was actually the mastermind behind some of the more ingenious pranks.

Because it was obvious no one else in the group had anything in their heads resembling brains.

Then there was Potter. He was, as Lily righteously called him, a bully and a toe-rag. He was insufferable and seemed to have it in for Severus Snape. He asked Lily out almost every day, and it was driving her insane.

I really couldn't blame her.

But he was good-looking, had (though I can't believe it) top grades after Lily herself and Remus, and to top the whole thing off, was rich. Filthy rich. So it wasn't really a surprise that he was one of the most 'eligible' bachelors in Hogwarts.

And then, of course, there was Black. He was the bane of my existence. I couldn't stand this particular Marauder. He was arrogant, handsome, and, above all, stupid. Unfortunately, these traits seemed to attract girls, like flies around a rotting piece of meat.

And he was definitely the rotting piece of meat.

Once, a long time ago, he had hurt me beyond even the largest stretch of any perverse imagination, and I couldn't forgive him for it. And in retaliation, I had done some pretty unimaginable things to him too.

I suppose you could see why every time we came within a mile of each other we started fighting.

And that was sort of how I was known at Hogwarts. The only girl, literally, that couldn't stand Sirius Black. Because of my standoffish behavior, my rather cold appearance, and my inability to appreciate what was regularly described as 'the prime piece of meat' of Hogwarts, I was labeled 'Ice Queen' of Hogwarts.

And I was only too painfully reminded of it when the feast started.

"Careful." I heard a third year whisper into the ear of a recently sorted first-year. "That's Autumn Samuels. You don't want to get on the bad side of her, she'll eat you alive!"

I realized that it was the third-year I had snapped at on the train.

The little first-year glanced nervously at me and then snapped around. "She's glaring at me!" I heard him whimper.

Was I glaring? I hadn't been meaning to.

"Come on, Tua." I heard Amy call me.

"Sure, one minute." I stuffed another éclair into my mouth and got up from the table.

"Keep going, why don't you stuff another pastry in there?" I heard someone sneer behind me.

I turned around slowly, having picked up another éclair. "Oh no." I said sweetly, swallowing. "Why would I want to do that? I wouldn't want to be greedy. So here, have some!" At the last two words, I smushed the chocolate bun into his robes, rubbing it in.

I stepped back, wiping off my hands with a satisfied look on my face, loving the shock on his.

"What are you doing?" I heard Lily's terrified whisper. "Do you want to get detention on our first day back?"

I couldn't reply because a raspberry doughnut had landed on my face, effectively impairing my ability to speak.

But I didn't need to speak to pick up a handful of pumpkin pie and throw it at Black's head. And it made quite a pretty pattern in his hair. The orange and black went perfectly.

So of course a food fight started. People were throwing things everywhere, and when a rather sharp looking steak knife landed two inches from my hand, I decided it was high time to get out of there.

I grabbed Lily and Amy's hands and dragged them forward with me, doing my best to dodge the food that was being thrown.

Glancing sideways, I noticed that Black and his friends were doing the same.

But luck just wasn't on my side today, because when we were just two yards from the door leading to the Gryffindor tower, we were stopped by a pair of emerald heels.

I looked up, dreading the face I knew would be accompanying it.

"Why hello Minerva!" I heard Black say false cheerily. "Fancy meeting you here! I love the new scarf by the way, is it new?"

I glanced at McGonagall's face and couldn't help but groan. She wasn't wearing a scarf.

"I'm not wearing a scarf, Mister Black. That is my neck." She said stiffly.

I looked at her nostrils. They were huge. We were totally in for it.

"O-oh." I heard Black, the idiot, falter.

"Come with me, Black, Samuels. To my office." She pointed menacingly at the direction.

But we didn't need it. We knew our way there well enough.

**--**

**Sooooooooooo. How did you like it? Is it good? Please tell me, cuz I wanna know if I should bother continuing…thanx!!**

**FantaFaerie**

**P.S- Tua is Amy and Lily's nickname for Autumn. It's the first three letters of her name spelled backwards…don't ask, it's a long story…**


	2. I have to have hit my head

"...disgrace to Hogwarts, over the past five years all we have had from you two is trouble, fights and more trouble! Do you two have anything to say to me? To explain, perhaps, why on the first day of your sixth year you both started a food fight?" McGonagall asked us, one foot tapping angrily.

"She started it all." Black said, his face perfectly straight. "She decided to smash an éclair into my robes. The rest was purely self-defense."

I was in shock. "What kind of bloody nonsense are you spouting Black?" I asked disbelievingly. "YOU were the one that called me greedy!"

"Well, YOU were the one that hexed me with boils!"

"You made my hair green!"

"You made me wear a skirt!"

"You made my cheeks blue!"

"You gave me a third arm!"

"I HAD BLOODY TENTACLES GROWING OUT OF MY HEAD, BLACK!!"

"Miss Samuels! Mister Black!" McGonagall said sharply. "Be silent!"

Black opened his fat mouth again.

"Or detentions for the rest of the year!" She said warningly.

He just as quickly shut it.

"Now, as for your punishment-"

"But ma'am, it's only the first day back, ma'am, please-"

"Minerva, I can't have a detention, I have a date with Kimberly Ann-"

"A date with Kimberly Ann? Please, I would've thought you would be begging to get out of it!"

"No, the only date I'd be begging to get out of would be one with you!"

"Likewise, Black. But I would never accept a date from you, so you can only dream!"

"About you, Samuels? That's no dream, that's a nightmare!"

"SNAP!" We both jumped backwards from the thunderclap of noise McGonagall's wand had emitted.

"Detention for the next three weeks. And that is _final_." She said, her nostrils flaring. "_Not _a word, Mister Black!"

"This is all your fault, Black!" I hissed. "Detention on the first day back!"

"Yes, because I was the one that started the food fight." He said sarcastically.

"Oh yes you did-"

"OUT!"

--

"Stupid git, arrogant idiot, moronic moron…"I muttered under my breath.

"Tua, could you please shut up?" Lily moaned from her bed. "It's three in the morning, and all you've been doing is calling Black names!"

"For five hours!" Amy added.

"Black deserves ten." I said darkly.

"Spare us, please." Amy groaned.

"I can't! He's an arrogant git with brains the size of a pea! If he even has a brain at all!" I said petulantly.

_"Silencio!" _Lily muttered. "It's about time we got some peace."

I mouthed a few choice words, but unfortunately, nothing came out.

--

"Today we will be mixing the Draught of Living Death," Slughorn started. "However, because this is a rather difficult potion, I will allow you to work in pairs. No, Mr. Potter, you are not allowed to choose your own partners." He sighed.

"As long as Samuels stays a good mile away from me, you can pick any partner you wish for me, professor." Black said loudly.

I leaned over, grabbed the dungbomb Peter had been fooling with, and flicked it at his head.

Perfect shot.

As he turned around to glare at me, Slughorn continued, with the smallest of smirks on his pudgy face, "The first pair will be Samuels and Black. The second, Evans and Potter, the third, Thompson and Lupin…"

Lily groaned loudly.

I started screaming.

Black started shouting.

Potter sat there grinning like an idiot.

"Professor, I _can't _be paired with Samuels, she's an absolute--"

"Now, now, mister Black, I thought better of you! I always hear these stories about what the gentleman you are, don't tell me they aren't true!" Slughorn wagged a finger reprovingly.

"Gentleman?" I snorted. "I wouldn't put 'Black' and 'gentleman' in the same sentence unless the word 'not' was between them!"

"Yes, but what would you know about gentleman? You've never dated one." Black retorted.

"Um, Kevin is _the _epitome of gentleman-ly." I replied, lifting my hand up to look at my nails. Oh, my pinky had a slight chip on the purple polish.

Black was saying more utter nonsense when I finally turned around to pay attention, and by then, Slughorn had already passed out the ingredients and put the directions on the chalk board.

"Get your fat butt over here, Black." I said, bored. "Now you sit there like a good little boy and let me do all the work so we won't fail."

"If you don't want to fail, I think you should just hand that cauldron over to me. God knows you don't know anything about potions."

"You _think_?" I mock gasped. "Everyone, it's a momentous occasion! Sirius Black is actually thinking!"

"Ha-ha, very funny." He snarled. "Now give me that potion!"

"Please!" I snorted, dropping in a newt's tail. "Because I always give you what you want."

"That wasn't supposed to be a newt's tail, you idiot." He pointed at the board. "It was supposed to be a salamander's!"

I checked the board, and, wonder of wonders, he was right. "Look at what you made me do!" I poked him in the chest hard.

"Me? In case you've forgotten, my dear Autumn, it was you who had put the tail in!" He turned to the cauldron. "Now sit there like a good little girl and let me do the rest of the work so we won't fail." He flung my own words back at me.

Then he dropped in a bezoar. It was supposed to be a pig's heart.

"Who's the smart one now, Black?"

"Obviously not you!"

"Then what, exactly, are you?"

"The one with a brain in his head!"

Unfortunately, while we were arguing, we didn't notice that the potion, with two wrong ingredients in it already, had started to bubble. And then froth.

And then blow up.

That, though, got our attention.

Our cauldron was in pieces, and there was potion all over us, and in the places where it touched my skin, little lumps were rising up, really itchy ones.

Now, I don't know how many potions have spilled over the course of Hogwarts potions making classes, but I think it would be safe to say quite a few. Which means that there would be some sort of residue left on the floor.

So when the potion touched the floor, it burst up, like a huge frothy wave and sloshed all over my legs, which immediately started burning.

Black wasn't even near the thing by then.

Stupid clever idiot.

"Not to worry, not to worry." Slughorn came bustling over to us. Then he saw my feet. "On second thought, maybe it is right to worry." He looked around for a moment and then saw Black. "Mister Black, please escort Miss Samuels to the hospital wing. It, er, seems that she might need assistance."

It was only on the threat of another detention that he agreed.

I hobbled along, Black a good five feet behind me, wincing at each step. "You…are…such…a…idiot!" I puffed.

"Oh please." He scoffed. "This coming from the girl with chicken pox all over her body and burns on her feet?"

"Yes…it…aaah!" I couldn't take the steps any longer, and I tumbled backwards, straight downwards.

I was expecting the hard floor to meet me, but instead I found myself crashing into an even harder chest.

"Oof!" I heard his surprised voice.

"Ouch…"I groaned.

"Next time you're going to fall, warn me Samuels." Black said sarcastically. "Now get, up I can't go back to class until you're in the hospital wing, and I have a prank to play on Snivellus."

"Well I suppose you're going to have to carry me then, because I most certainly can't walk!" I glared at him, satisfied. There was no way he would come within ten feet of me if he had a choice, much less _carry _me.

I saw him look at me oddly for just a moment before I wasn't on the ground any longer. I was in the _air_.

"What the—BLACK!! PUT ME DOWN!!" I screamed.

"Never again let it be said that I am not a gentleman." Was all he said. "But if you really want me to put you down…"

"Okay, okay! Don't put me down!" My feet really were killing me.

"I thought so." He smirked. "Now shut up."

It was only on fear of him dropping me that I did.

But you see, when someone is carrying you up some stairs, gravity pulls the one being held downwards, against the upward walk of the other person.

So while Black was carrying me up the stairs, I was squished against his chest. And it…well, it felt rather nice. He was wearing some sort of cologne, and though he did smell a bit sweaty, the mix was actually sort of…pleasant.

Wait, I think I must have hit my head. Sirius Black was _not _pleasant. In any form. Even if he was a dog.

When we reached the hospital wing, Madame Sinatra took one look at my feet and pushed me into a bed, bustling off with a promise to be back with some burn ointment.

Black had dropped me onto the bed and was already half-way out the door when he stopped for a moment and looked back.

"That I carried you stays between us, okay?"

"Of course." I snorted. "Because I really want half the female population of Hogwarts trying to kill me."

He rolled his eyes, shot me the bird, and walked out the door.

"Wait, Black." I called.

He came back, an annoyed look on his face. "What, Samuels?"

"Thank you." Out of nowhere, I turned red. I was _blushing_. Around _Sirius Black._ Where was Madame Sinatra with that medicine?

But he just stared at me oddly, and then nodded. "Okay. I'll say you're welcome. But I think you hit your head when you fell down the stairs."

"Why you little--!" I tried to get out of the bed, ready to strangle him. I try to say thanks, and this was the reception I get?

"Back in bed, Miss Samuels, otherwise I shall make you stay here overnight!" Madame Sinatra called.

Black stuck his tongue out at me, smirked, and walked out the door, flipping his black hair out of his eyes as he went.

**Soooo……how was it?? Good? Bad? I hope you guys liked it!!**

**FantaFaerie**

**P.S. - Autumn's favorite animals are dogs, that's why she said, 'Even if he was a dog.' Ironic, huh? :**

**P.P.S. - Please, please, please review!!**


	3. Damn You

It was the middle of September and school had already regained some of its drudgery. My schedule was, as a sixth year, pretty tough, and within the first week of school, teachers had already informed us that we would be working very hard this year, as our N.E.W.T.S would be the next year.

Or at least, most of us would be working hard.

By the end of the first month of school, the Marauders had already pranked a third of the Slytherins, two teachers, and a few other poor people throughout the school.

However, they had never dared to prank me or my friends because James had never let them, being so 'in love' with Lily as he was. He knew perfectly well that anything he did to me and/or Amy would most definitely get back to Lily, and then any chance he would ever have with her would be shot.

We, of course, failed to mention that he would **never **have a chance with her, as it kept us out of harm's way. Literally.

Unfortunately, everything changed our sixth year. Everything.

For starters, I woke up Saturday, September seventh, with black sludge all over me.

"Oh, EWWW!!" I shrieked. "What IS this?"

The other girls in my room had all shot up from their beds at my scream.

"Tua?" Amy clambered out of bed. "What is it? What's wro--EW!" She shrieked as well.

"Who could have done this?" Nayu, a chocolate skinned, delicate featured girl asked confusedly.

My eyes narrowed.

Lily's eyes widened. "Oh no-" She groaned.

"Black." I muttered.

--

I had taken a quick shower and all of the black stuff (How appropriate) had washed off. Everywhere, except for my hair. I worked shampoo, conditioner, even _soap_ through my hair, and the gunk just would not wash off. It stayed in my hair, lumpy and smelly, clumping up my straight black locks.

Lily walked in holding a towel, "Is it out yet?" She asked.

"No." I grimaced. "He must have put a spell on it to keep it stuck in my hair."

"You poor thing." Amy said sympathetically. "What are we going to do?"

I really appreciated that she said 'we'.

"Well, first I'm going to go down and kill Black." I started, coming out of the shower and taking the towel Lily offered.

"No, you are not." Lily said firmly. "I'll find a way to get this out, don't worry." She assured me.

But half-an-hour later, after various spells the sludge was still in my hair. Not even a drop had come out.

"Correction, I'm not going to _kill _Black, I'm going to torture him and _then _I'll kill him." I said matter-of-factly.

Lily sighed and sat back on her heels. "I just don't know what else to do!" She said despairingly. "It won't come out!"

"Well, it's not much of a surprise, is it?" Kimberly Ann asked, brushing by us on her way to the bathroom. "I mean, come on. Autumn's made plenty of enemies anyway."

I ignored her. She was the spawn of Satan, just like Black. In my opinion, they were _made _for each other.

Amy, though, had always had a serious (no pun intended) problem with little Kimmy. "Yes," She said sarcastically, "Because _you've _never made one."

Kimberly sniffed, threw a disdainful look at the three of us and marched into the bathroom, locking it with a firm 'click' behind her.

I rolled my eyes. "Forget her, Amy. What am I going to do?"

She shook her head at me, completely out of ideas.

"And I promised to spend the day with Kevin today too!" I moaned, just remembering.

Suddenly Lily jumped up off the bed and started searching through her trunk, throwing random things out of the way. It was only when I had been hit with a curling iron that I asked her what she was doing.

"Here!" She said triumphantly. She held up a hat. It was soft white, with a medium size brim and the smallest of roses peeking out from under the curve. "It's perfect!"

I quickly changed into a white knee-length skirt and a light blue tank top as Lily and Amy managed to cram my hair into a sticky bun. Then they plopped the hat on top of it, and when I examined myself in the mirror, I was pretty pleased with the result. You could barely even see the stuff.

"Perfect." I said satisfied. "Thank you. Now, excuse me for a moment while I go find Black."

"Wait, what?" Lily obviously hadn't expected me to go after Black anyways, but I quickly rushed down the stairs, and into the Great Hall.

I immediately spotted Black and his cronies sitting at the Gryffindor table, laughing at something. My blood was boiling.

I marched into the Hall, drawing looks from everywhere and I walked up and stood behind Black.

That was it. I just stood there. Black hadn't noticed me though, and was still laughing his horrible guts out over some joke.

"A-and then..." He gasped, chuckling, "I put the dragon dung all over her and I put a sticking charm so that it wouldn't come off of her hair for two days! I can't wait to see her face when she finds out!" Like the idiot he was, he never noticed Potter and Remus's signs to shut up.

"You don't need to wait, Black." I said coldly from behind him. He whipped around. "I'm right here."

He paled. I was extremely gratified to see that, since it really wasn't often that he showed any signs of anything except lust. But he quickly pulled himself together. "Did you like the present I left for you, Samuels?" He smirked.

My eyes flashed angrily. "I had had higher expectations of you, Black." I said icily. "I thought that you actually had some imagination, but since a bit of dragon dung is all your pathetic pea-sized brain can produce, I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised."

Now he was angry. The Marauders really prided themselves on their pranking ability and originality.

He stood up. "A bit of dragon dung?" He asked with an evil smile. "I think that we can show _everyone _just how much 'a bit' can be." And he leaned over, lifted up his hand and knocked off my hat.

By then, the entire Hall had their eyes trained on us, even the teachers. So when he pushed my hat off and all my filthy hair came sliding sluggishly down my back, all of Hogwarts could see the mess that Sirius Black had made of me.

I, however, am not an ordinary girl. Instead of bursting into tears, as he obviously hoped I would, I stood up even straighter, (though my measly 5'3 was practically nothing compared to his six foot frame) flicked my hair back with a toss of my head, lifted up _my _hand and punched him in the face.

His head actually turned all the way around at the force of my blow, and, I could see with utter satisfaction, I had missed his cheek and gotten the just above his eye. Which meant that he would have a black eye for a couple of weeks, since Madame Sinatra absolutely refused to cure them. She thought that if someone received a black eye, they had probably deserved it, and at this time, I couldn't agree more.

"It was an absolute _pleasure _talking to you, Sirius." I said sweetly, even using his first name for the added effect. "Have a nice day!"

And with a quick drop to get Lily's hat, I placed it firmly ontop of my head, not bothering to hide my hair and walked, my head held high, out of the hall.

But just as I left, I heard Remus mutter, "She has class, Padfoot, even you have to admit that." and I couldn't help but allow the smallest of smirks to settle on my lips as I left.

--

"I made a complete and utter fool of myself." I groaned, two hours later, my head in my hands.

"No, no, you didn't, babe." Kevin assured me. "Black got what he deserved."

"Forget Black!" I snapped, looking up. "I can't believe I actually said his first name! I haven't said it since...since...well, a long time ago!" I buried my head in my arms again.

"His name?" Kevin asked, his brow furrowed. For the perfect boyfriend, he really can be somewhat dense.

"I said his first name!" I rolled my eyes heavenward. "This is karma. This is so totally karma. I cannot believe I said his first name."

"Well, let's forget about Black for a while." Kevin suggested, while bringing me closer to him. He lifted my head from my hands and brought his face close to mine. "Let's focus on us." He breathed.

We spent a good hour snogging, but even as we did, I noticed that Kevin stayed a good ways away from my hair. I suppose I couldn't blame him. I would stay away if I could too.

We spent the rest of the day walking around the lake and generally lazing around. It wasn't often that all our teachers went easy on us and didn't give us much homework for the weekend, so we just relaxed.

It was pretty late by the time we went back inside the castle, holding hands. I left him at the entrance to the Ravenclaw common room, and walked back to Gryffindor tower by myself.

I was thinking of various ways to repay Black, when lo, the object of my thoughts appeared before me.

"Samuels." He acknowledged, nodding once.

I didn't even bother. I walked right past him. Or, I would have, except that he grabbed my wrist as I passed.

I looked back in shock. He was staring at me with an inscrutable look on his face.

The next second, I found myself against the wall, my hands pinned behind me.

I stared up at him for a moment, not understanding anything. Then I remembered we were in the middle of a hallway, and anybody, _anybody _might walk by at any moment.

"Let me go." I said coldly.

He didn't say anything. He just looked at me, his brow slightly furrowed, gray eyes troubled.

Wait, troubled? Sirius Black was never troubled.

He was pressed up against me, and I knew he could feel my erratic heartbeat because I could feel his.

His stormy eyes searched my face, looking for something that I was sure I didn't have.

"Black." I said softly. "Sirius." I said, when he hadn't responded. "Please." I found that I was whispering.

"Damn you, Samuels." He murmured, his face coming closer and closer to mine. "Damn you."

My green eyes stared up at him, completely at loss for what was happening. He wasn't holding me against the wall anymore. One of his hands was tangled in my dirty hair. Hair that he had made dirty.

I came to my senses. This was Sirius Black! Notorious player of Hogwarts!

Just as I was about to push him away, his eyes widened as if in recognition and he practically threw me away from him. He was breathing like he had run a ten mile marathon.

He looked at me once more, and the look in his eyes kept me from speaking. They were scared. Sirius Black was scared. Of me.

Then he turned and ran up the stairs, never looking back.

I stared after him, and then leaned back against the wall, closing my eyes.

What had just happened?

**--**

**So...how is it?? I think that in every chapter there will be a little bit of romance and probably a lot of fighting...at least until everything works out...if it does, of course. **

**So please review guys!! **

**Fanta-Faerie**

**P.S.- Was that physical description okay? Or should I add more in the next chapter?**


	4. He doesn't hate me?

If I had expected any change in Black after our little 'episode' I was sadly disappointed. Not only did he completely forget what had happened, but he had started pranking me, and only me. I would walk into class with a sign on my back saying, 'Hit Me Please!' and everyone who read the sign had to do it. I would come in the Great Hall and a bucket of doxie eggs would splatter on my head. I would touch my quill and it would turn into a giant roach. Ect. Ect.

So by the end of the week, I was completely fed up with everything. I had avoided revenge out of the goodness of my heart (and the small fact that Mcgonagall had never given me detention for punching Black), but I was really getting fed up. Kevin was barely even talking to me anymore out of fear of getting hit by some of the pranks that the horrible Marauders pulled. And when someone messes with my love life, I get really PO.

It was for Friday that I had planned my prank, and I put it into effect the moment I woke up in the morning.

"No, no, you guys can go on to breakfast without me." I assured a dubious Lily and Amy.

"You aren't planning something, are you?" Lily asked me suspiciously.

I had forgotten how well she knew me. "No, of course not!" I put on my most innocent face. "I have a little bit of homework left to finish and I won't be able to concentrate in the Great Hall...I'll be down in ten minutes, tops."

"Okay!" Amy replied happily. Recently she had taken to sitting next to Paul Peters, a Hufflepuff during meals, and she was falling rather fast for him. She pushed Lily out the door with a "Bye Tua!" and I was finally alone.

I quickly searched through my trunk until I pulled out a small bottle filled with clear liquid.

Veritaserum.

My best friend.

It wasn't a particularly strong potion, not compared to the ones the Ministry used, but all the same, it was perfect for what I was planning.

I opened the bottle, took a quick sniff, smiled and grabbed my wand. One quick spell later and I was ready.

I went down to breakfast, and sat down next to Lily. I hid the tiny bottle in the sleeve of my robe.

"Where's Amy?" I asked her, grabbing a plate of eggs as it passed.

"At the Ravenclaw table." She rolled her eyes. "She and Paul wanted to sit somewhere away from both their friends."

"Ah." I smiled. "Very Amy."

Lily grinned back at me. She opened her mouth to reply, but closed it barely a second later and her mouth turned down to a frown.

I turned around in my seat, still eating a piece of bacon, and then saw what had caused Lily's unhappiness.

The Marauders were strolling into the Great Hall, each looking like they owned the world. I couldn't help it. I started to grin.

"Tua?" Lily asked uncertainly. "Are you okay?"

I turned back to her, still smiling. "Of course! I'm just...peachy!"

She eyed me for a moment before turning back to her cereal.

I finished eating quickly and breathed in deeply, working up the nerve to see the whole thing through. Then I stood up and made my way over to the Marauder's table.

"Hi, boys." I smiled at them.

A piece of toast actually fell out of Peter's mouth.

"Aw, be careful, Peter." I said in a motherly, no-nonsense voice. Then, praying that I wouldn't be shot down for my blatant hypocrisy, I leaned down and put my arms around Potter.

"Hey, James." I cooed.

He started choking.

Remus looked up from his book, one eyebrow raised. I had the guilty feeling that he knew something was up. But I ignored it.

"Can I sit with you today? Pleeeease?" I asked him, using a little girl's voice. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lily staring at me with a look of utter disbelief on her face.

Well, she'd figure it all out soon enough.

"Um, well, er, uh..." He trailed off, looking desperately between Black, Remus and Peter.

Suddenly Remus's eyes widened, and I closed mine, knowing my chance at revenge was shot. But to my surprise, he said,

"Yes, of course you can, Autumn. It would be a pleasure, I'm sure." He shot a glance at Potter, and he moved over, thankfully to the left so that I had a seat right between Black and him.

Black was just staring at me like I was possessed, obviously having no clue what was wrong with me.

"So, what's up guys?" I leaned over and grabbed a choco-muffin, brushing my sleeve against Black's goblet as I passed.

Remus's eyes followed every movement I made, and I knew he knew that I had slipped Sirius something, but even so, he didn't say anything when Black grabbed his goblet and started drinking.

"What're you doing here, Samuels? Go away." He said angrily.

"Aw, _Sirius_. " I said pleadingly. "Pwease? I wanna stay. I mean, I've just been _so _mean to you four before, and I thought it was time to turn over a new leaf."

His eyes narrowed. "I don't believe you. Go away." He gulped down the rest of his pumpkin juice.

I smiled.

Then I abruptly turned away from him and started talking to Potter. "So, how are things with Lily?"

He looked at me confusedly. "I would think you would know better than I would." I didn't reply, I just waited. I really was kind of curious. Then he sighed. "I really do like her, you know. I'm not just making it up."

I was surprised and intrigued. "I never knew that." I said.

"But I tell her everyday!" He cried. "How could she not know?"

I couldn't help but feel slightly sorry for him. "It's because you tell her everyday, James." I said gently. "No girl would believe you. She thinks you're teasing her."

His eyes widened. "Really?"

I looked to Remus. He was smart. Why hadn't he ever told his friend this?

He caught me look and rolled his eyes. "I tell him this practically every day, yet he never listens to me. I think it's because you're a girl."

I smiled. Maybe Potter wasn't as bad as the rest of them. Then, realizing that Black had been unusually quiet for the past few moments, my smile grew wider. I turned back to him.

"Hi, Black."

He stared at me, furious. "You spiked my drink." He hissed, low enough so that only I could hear him.

"Of course not!" I said, my eyes widening innocently. "But, you know, Black," I said, my voice getting louder. Most of the Gryffindor table stopped talking and looked our way. "I've always wondered what you really think of Kimberly Ann."

His eyes widened as he realized exactly what I was going to make him do.

"What do you think of her?" I asked him, practically shouting now.

"I think that she's an annoying, stuck up kid that needs to grow up." Black said automatically. Then a look of horror spread across his face.

Kimberly Ann burst into tears.

I smiled triumphantly. I stood up, patted Black on the head and winked at Remus. "Thanks, Remus. I really appreciated that."

"What did you do to him?" Potter asked, all thoughts of Lily gone.

"Oh, I just slipped him a bit of veritaserum." I said sweetly. "Unfortunately, for him at least, he can only answer questions in the most horrid way possible."

The look of shock on their faces was plenty reward. The bruises that I knew Black would end up with were just bonus.

"Bye-bye!" I said sweetly, and I strolled away to Lily.

"You're going to get in trouble." She told me severely.

I grinned at her. "I know. But it was so worth it."

--

By the end of the day, Sirius Black was one of the most hated men in the school. I never took the female population of Hogwarts for idiots, but really, they were.

Those foolish girls would flock up to him, batting their eyelashes, and asking him exactly what he thought of them. Because of the little spell I put on the Veritaserum, he could only list off their bad traits, and never tell them that they might've been pretty or smart or anything of the sort.

Instead, he told them that they had horrible breath, frizzy hair, and fat thighs.

Revenge is so, so, sweet.

Even in classes when teachers asked him questions he had to answer things in the most horrible way possible. It was incredibly amusing to see him struggle pathetically when he had called McGonagall an 'ugly old banshee'.

After an _interesting _dinner, Amy, Lily and I made our way back to the common room. Black and his friends had reached there before us, and Black was sitting there with his head in his hands.

When he heard us come in, he lifted his head and glared at me with incredibly hate filled eyes. He had an already purple-ish/green-ish bruise on his cheek, undoubtedly from being slapped so much, and his arms were covered in welts.

I have to admit that I did feel a tiny _iota _of regret seeing his physical pain. I hadn't meant for it to be quite so violent.

Oh, who am I kidding, of course I had.

But he really did deserve it. After what he had done to me so many years ago, after all the pain I had gone through, not to mention the dragon dung, he _totally _deserved all of this.

So I walked up to him, took a seat on the arm of the chair Remus was sitting on, and smirked at him. "Had a nice day, Black?"

"It would have been better if you weren't there." He said automatically, but the bitterness and truth in his voice was unmistakable.

"Well, my life would have been better if you weren't there." I reminded him.

He didn't say anything.

Potter had been up in the boys dorms and he came clunking down the stairs, his head buried in a old sheet of parchment. He hadn't even noticed the extra three people in the room.

"Hey, Padfoot, I can't find Samuels anywhere on here...I don't know why you want to look for her, anyway...I mean, she's so weird! What'd you think?"

He glanced up at the lack of response from Black, and he paled when he noticed I was sitting there, giving him the evil eye.

There was absolute silence for a moment, but Amy came to his rescue. "Yeah, I mean, what _do _you think of Autumn, Sirius?"

He looked up at us quickly, his eyes huge in terror.

Oh. Crap.

Then he started speaking. I wanted to cover my ears, but I found I couldn't move.

"I think that she's not as ugly as the rest of the ugly girls in this good for nothing school, and it would _appear _that she had brains bigger than your average snobby barbie doll, and her sense of humor isn't as pathetic as I assumed it to be, not to say that it isn't pathetic, but her fashion sense isn't anywhere near good, but isn't atrocious." He said. "And I don't hate her."

You could practically hear the 'thud' of everyone's jaws hitting the ground.

His was one of them.

We all just stared at each other for a moment, before I stood up shakily. "Um...I think that I should...uh, I'm going to go to bed!" I practically flew up the stairs and slammed the dorm door behind me, sliding to the floor.

He didn't hate me? What the hell? How could he not hate me? I hated him! After all the fighting and horrible things we had done to each other over the years, to hear that he didn't hate me was a shock.

I got up slowly, and made my way over to bed. I collapsed on top of it and curled into a tiny ball. I closed my eyes.

And the memories I had for so long suppressed, started playing behind my eyelids.

**--**

**Was it good? Please, please review guys!! I'd love all of you to death if you would!!  
**

**Fanta-Faerie**


	5. Memories of the Past

_I stared up at the small house in front of me and I couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed. After Daddy had died, everything had changed. Mummy had told me we were moving, because she couldn't afford our pretty red house anymore. I would have to go to a new school, she said. But it was okay. Because we were still a family. Me an' Mummy, an' Baby Henry would always be together, she promised me. I was a big girl, already six years old, so I would be okay living in this teeny house. It would be like playing with dolls, I thought. Except with two rooms and a bathroom. It wouldn't be so bad. It might even be fun..._

_--_

_"I can_not _believe that people are actually living in that shack." I looked up and saw a tall lady with a wide mouth sniff. I was playing outside with my dollies, and I had gotten dirt all over my front from making mud pies. _

_"I must agree." Another man popped into existance next to her. "It is a literal dump!" They walked up to the house next door, Number 12, Grimmauld Place. _

_I stared at them wide eyed. _

_Suddenly the woman turned around. "Sirius!" She snapped. "Turn around and stand straight!" _

_"Yes, mother." A little boy with black hair and gray eyes popped out from behind his father. He immediatley stood straighter. _

_"Good." She seemed satsfied. She turned back to me. She wrinkled her nose. "Mudbloods." She said haughtily. Then she opened the door and went inside. _

_The little boy's father followed, and the child after him. He did not even spare a glance for the messy little girl sitting on the grass in the house next door to him. _

_--_

_"Mother!" I ran into the house waving a letter. "Mother, I got my letter for Hogwarts!" _

_She turned around from the stove. In a few years, she had aged centuries. Her once beautiful red hair now had a few white strands and no luster. Her face was marked with lines and her hands shook. But at that moment, she looked twenty again. _

_"Oh, Autumn!" She cried, wiping her hands on a cloth. "I'm so proud of you!" She grabbed my hands and we danced around the kitchen. _

_I laughed, let go, and ran outside again. A single drop of water fell on my outstreched hand, and I closed my fingers and held it close to me. I looked over at the Black house. _

_Had the older Black child gotten his letter as well? _

_Another drop of water fell from the sky. _

_A burst of thunder and lightning lit the sky as I danced my way across our small yard..._

_--_

_"These are really expensive, Mother." I said worridly. "I don't know if we can afford these." _

_"We'll find a way." She said forcefully, and she pushed her way into a second-hand book store. _

_Twenty minutes we left, with all my books and necessary items, but I was sure that mother and Henry wouldn't be eating for a few days. _

_I had never felt so guilty. _

_"It-it's okay, Mother." I said softly, covering her hand with mine. "I don't have to go. I'll stay and get a job somewhere." _

_"No!" She practically shouted. Then, softer, "You will go. You need to go." _

_We walked into the wand store. Ollivander's the sign read. It was dusty and a single wand lay on a faded purple cushion in the front window. _

_We heard noises, and walked deeper into the store. To my surprise, I saw Sirius Black and his mother looking for a wand for him. _

_"No, no, no..." An old balding man muttered. He thrust another one into his hands. Sirius Black lifted the wand and suddenly a shower of silver sparks burst from the wand and flew, flew to _me._They hovered around my head for a moment, while I laughed delightedly, and then they faded into darkness once more. _

_But he did not even glance at me. "It's good." He said to Mr. Ollivander. "I'll take it." _

_"Yes, yes, of course Mr. Black, of course." Ollivander said, but his eyes were fixed on me. "Of course..." He rang up the wand and as mother and son left, I reached out to touch Sirius Black's sleeve, to thank him for the pretty sparks, but he jerked away, looking straight ahead. _

_I shrank back. _

_"Miss Samuels, Miss Samuels...your wand!" I was distracted by Mr. Ollivander. I left that day with a ten inch maple wand, with a gryffin feathered core. _

_"A most unusual wand, Miss Samuels..." Ollivander trailed off. _

_I paid no attention. I already loved it._

_--_

_"Bye mother!" I called, already on the Hogwarts Express. "I love you!"_

_"I love you too, sweetie!" She called back. I could hear the tears in her voice. _

_"Send my love to Henry too, okay?" I yelled; the train had started moving. _

_She nodded, crying too hard to speak. _

_I smiled and waved as the train picked up speed, and soon the station was far out of sight. _

_I turned around, grinning happily and picked up my trunk. As I walked by, I saw Sirius Black enter the other side of the train. He was walking with a tall, blonde boy with a Head Boy badge pinned to his robes. _

_"Yes, Lucius, I know. Slytherin is the only place to be." Sirius sounded bored. _

_"You should." He retorted. Then he shook his head. "I only want what's best for you, Sirius. Remember that." _

_Even at eleven, I could hear the slightly threatening tone his voice had taken. _

_Sirius rolled his eyes and they both started to walk towards me. _

_I lifted up my hand in a wave, and opened my mouth to say hi to him, but he pushed past me, knocking me into a door. _

_Lucius glanced at me as he passed, and I heard him say, "Filthy Mudbloods." to Sirius. _

_I stood there, a little bit of hurt welling up inside of me, but the door I had knocked against opened, and a small girl with bright red hair and green eyes stood there with a smile. _

_"Hi! I'm Lily Evans. D'you want to sit with me and Amy?" _

_I looked inside and then I nodded. "I'm Autumn Samuels. It's nice to meet you..."_

_--_

_"Gryffindor!" I heard the Sorting Hat shout. The entire Hall gasped. Sirius Black wasn't supposed to be in Gryffindor. He was a Slytherin. Sirius shakily took the hat off, placed it on the stool, and with a terrified glance towards the shocked faces of the Slytherin table, made his way to where the Gryffindor table, where not a single person clapped. _

_My turn came and the Sorting Hat immediatley placed me in Gryffindor. I bounced over to the table, amid a few cheers and sat down next to Lily and Amy. _

_In the middle of our conversation, I glanced towards Sirius and saw him sitting, with his head in his hands, pale faced. Nobody was talking to him. _

_I stood up and made my way over to him and sat down. _

_"Hi." I said tentativley. "Um..d'you want to be friends? Or something?" _

_He looked up at me, his eyes full of hatred. "Why would I want to be friends with a Mudblood?" He asked nastily. _

_Hurt, I got up to leave, but suddenly I felt a hand grasp my sleeve. I looked down, surprised. _

_"Wait." He muttered, talking to the table. "Don't leave."_

_I slowly sat down again. _

_We ate in silence, but I, I was happy._

_--_

_I walked into the common room with Amy, laughing and smiling at a joke she was telling me. School had been in session for two months already, and I was completely and utterly in love with it. _

_We walked past the chairs next to the fire, but stopped for a moment for Amy to tie her shoe. _

_As she tied, I looked around aimlessly, and heard a name that made me stop and listen for a moment. It was mine._

_"Samuels?" I heard a cold voice laugh. "Please. She's a whiny little crybaby that needs to grow up. Did you know," The boy leaned forward to tell the group gathered around him, "That she still carries around a teddy bear? Yeah!" He laughed. The group of children around him snorted and giggled. _

_I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I took a step closer to the boy in the overstuffed armchair. Long black hair, pale skin, but...it couldn't be Sirius. No, it wasn't. I wouldn't allow it to be. _

_I turned around, shaking my head, and Amy and I made our way upstairs._

_--_

_I ran down the stairs of the Girl's dorms, knowing I was going to be late meeting Lily and Amy for dinner. As I ran, I stumbled, and I fell down the stair, landing in a dusty heap at the end. _

_I started laughing embarrasedly, and I heard a snort coming from a chair. I looked up, and Sirius Black was staring at me, a bored and disdainful expression on his handsome face. Even as a first-year girls were throwing hopeful glances at him, girls as old as fourth and fifth years._

_"Samuels." He shook his head. Even after five months he would only call me by my last name. I, however, had no such inclinations. _

_"Hi, Sirius! Yeah, I can be such a klutz, huh?" I laughed at myself. _

_He looked at me for a few minutes, an odd expression on his face. Then he smiled. It wasn't his nice smile, it was the smile that I had grown to hate whenever I saw it appear on his face. It gave him a cruel look, one that boded ill for someone. _

_At that moment, it boded ill for me. _

_I hadn't noticed the group of children gathered behind him._

_"Hey, Samuels..."He trailed off. His eyes glittered oddly. "How would you..."_

--

I opened my eyes with a gasp. I wouldn't let my mind go beyond that. The pain that accompanied that memory was still so fresh and hurtful that even now, I wasn't brave enough to face it.

I was a coward. I might hate Sirius Black, but I was still afraid of him. No, it wasn't him who I was afraid of. It was what he could do to me.

What he had done to me.

I shook my head, and clambered off the bed. I was still in my robes and I couldn't fall asleep in them. I grabbed a pair of shorts and a long-sleeved pajama top and went to the bathroom.

In the shower, I scrubbed hard, as if I could wash away the memories that still tormented me. But they wouldn't leave. The wound in my heart had healed, yes, but it had left a scar that could never be erased.

Screw him.

I closed my eyes and let the water run down my face.

As I towled dry, I heard someone thumping on the bathroom door.

"Autumn!" I heard Amy cry. "Get your fat butt out here right now!"

Groaning inwardly, I complied. No doubt they wanted to talk about what Black had said. Joy.

"Ohmygod!" She started screaming. "Did you hear what he said?" She was bouncing like crazy on top of my bed, and, rolling my eyes I sat down next to Lily.

"Yes, Aimes, I heard what he said." I told her. "I was there, you know."

"Well, it was very odd." Lily agreed, looking at me strangely. "To hear that he doesn't hate you."

"Forget that!" Amy snorted. "He called her pretty! He said that 'you aren't as ugly as the rest of the ugly girls in the school'!" She gushed. "He thinks you're pretty! _Sirius Black_ thinks you're pretty!"

"Is that supposed to mean something?" I asked her, an eyebrow raised. "I mean, I will admit, however reluctantly, that he is somewhat good looking. But that doesn't mean that I _like _him, by any means!"

"Well-" Lily started, looking at me doubtfully, but I cut through.

"Even Lily knows that Potter is good looking. But she most definetley doesn't feel anything for him!"

She stopped talking, looked at me and couldn't help but nod. "She's right." She told Amy regretfully. "That's true. I mean, Autumn is very pretty, but anyone can admit that."

Amy stopped bouncing, looking very crestfallen. "Aw. That really sucks. I mean, I've always thought you two would look so cute together!" Then she stopped, looking horrified, and covered her mouth.

I glared at her.

"I didn't say that." She frantically tried to cover. "I _so _didn't say that. It was just your imagination!"

I tackled her and Lily tackled me, and we ended up having a huge pillow fight that resulted in the entire room looking like Christmas had come early.

All in all, it was very satisfying. I fell into bed, exhausted, and drifted off into a dreamless sleep almost immediatley.

Downstairs, though, one boy, one boy that seemed very, very young at the moment, with black hair and gray eyes stayed up, looking into the dying embers of the fire, remembering the past...

--

**It was good, right? I'm kinda pleased with this chappie...dunno why, but oh well!! Please review, cuz I need some advice on how to show how Sirius changed over the years...thanks!!**

**Fanta-Faerie**


	6. It's a DOG

I walked down to breakfast the next morning praying that I wouldn't see Black anytime soon. Unfortunately, I met him right at the entrance to the Great Hall and it was definitely an uncomfortable silence that ensued as we went to our respective places.

"Are you okay?" Lily asked me concerned when I sat down heavily.

"You look like you swallowed an egg." Amy said thickly, swallowing _her _egg.

I couldn't hold back my laugh. "I'm fine, guys." Suddenly I felt a pair of arms encircle my neck. "Actually, I'm better than fine." I smiled up at Kevin.

"Hey, babe." He leaned down and gave a quick peck on the lips. "Thought I'd join you for breakfast." He said, settling in beside me.

"Glad you are." I replied, smiling warmly back up at him. "What're you up for today?"

"Well..." He ruffled his hair self-consciously. "There's a Hogsmeade trip today. D'you want to go?"

I looked questioningly over at Lily and Amy.

"I've got a date with Paul." Amy grinned at me.

I looked worriedly at Lily.

To my surprise she blushed. "I, er...I have a date."

My look of surprise turned to shock. "With who?" I asked.

"Remus." She whispered quietly.

I didn't think I had heard correctly. "Excuse me?" I asked her disbelievingly.

"Well, I had nothing better to do, so I asked him to go as friends, and he said yes!" She said defiantly, green eyes blazing.

"Hey, I have no problems with it!" I quickly assured her. "I was just surprised." All of sudden, Potter flashed into my mind.

_"I really like her, you know."_

Crap. What was Potter going to say when he found out his best mate was dating the love of his life?

Not that I particularly cared of course. It was just that the look on his face when he had said that had really made an impact on me.

Poor guy.

I suppose some of my emotions must have shown on my face, because Lily asked me again if there was something wrong. I just smiled, bore it, and told her to go have fun with Remus.

She looked at me strangely for a moment, and then got up and went to the Marauder's table. I saw Potter's face light up when he saw Lily standing next to him, but the shocked and hurt expression it became when she leaned over for Remus was really rather sad.

Remus looked at his friend with an apologetic expression on his face, but even so, got up to leave. But Potter didn't even look at Remus. His gaze was on Lily, and Lily only.

Unfortunately, my view was obscured a second later because Kevin leaned over and picked up my chin between his thumb and forefingers.

"Hey, hey." He said easily. "If you keep looking over there, I might think that you actually like one of those Marauders, instead of me!"

I looked up at him, a teasing expression on my face. "Yes, Kev, I'm _madly _in love with Sirius Black."

He couldn't help but laugh. So arm in arm, we both exited the Great Hall and headed down to Hogsmeade.

--

"Let's go to Madame Puddifoot's!" Kevin suggested. "I like the tea she serves."

"Um..."I laughed nervously. That amount of pink just scared the wits out of me. "How about Zonko's instead?" At the look of horror on his face I quickly changed my answer. "Or the Three Broomsticks. Butterbeer sounds pretty good...and you can get some tea if you really want to..." I trailed off.

He sighed but eventually agreed. I couldn't help but shake my head. Dating pretty boys really was tiring.

But when Kevin pulled me over to a small out of the way store, the tiredness fled straight out of my body.

"Hey." He smiled at me softly. "It's our four month anniversary. I think that that deserves a little something." We were standing in front of a small jewelry shop, 'Forever After', the name said.

"But Kev, that's a engagement ring store." I said breathlessly.

"Aw," He grinned. "I think we could find something that isn't a ring in there."

I smiled warmly at him. "There's no need, Kevin. I don't want anything."

"Nonsense!" He said sternly. "Come on." He dragged me into the store and we spent a happy hour looking over beautiful necklaces and bracelets. When he finally settled on a simple silver chain with a single diamond carved into a heart, I couldn't help but feel like I was the luckiest girl in the world. We left the store laughing and hugging, but as we left, I saw something move out of the corner of my eye.

Turning slightly, I saw a beautiful black dog standing in the middle of the road, autumn leaves swirling in figure-eights around it. I wanted to go to it, to pet it's beautiful silky coat, and it took a single step forward, but Kevin pulled me along, and we entered the Three Broomsticks.

The pub was crowded as usual, but I saw Lily and Remus sitting at a booth. I didn't want to disturb them, so I started to push Kevin over to another empty booth, but she saw us and waved us over.

I took a seat next to Remus, with Kevin in front of me.

"So how did your date go?" Lily asked me, smiling.

"Aw, it was nothing special." I waved a hand dismissively. But I couldn't keep a huge grin off of my face. "Oh, forget it. Look at what Kev got me." I carefully lifted the sparkling diamond from my neck.

Lily couldn't hold in a gasp. "Wow, Tua, that's beautiful. Getting serious are we?" She asked slyly looking at Kevin.

He blushed and fidgeted nervously. I laughed.

For some reason, Remus looked unusually uncomfortable.

"I-I'll just go get us some drinks, shall I?" He got up from the table and left.

I raised an eyebrow and Lily shrugged. "Beats me." She said.

I noticed Kevin was looking at his watch. "Hey, Kev, is something up?" I asked.

"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, babe, I gotta go meet a couple of the guys over at the Hog's Head in about fifteen minutes, d'you think you could spare me?"

I felt the grin slide slowly off my face, but I pulled it in, and said, "Yeah, sure. I've had you all day, anyway." With a smile.

"Thanks, babe." He grinned and got up.

"I-I'll see you back at the castle?" I asked, looking up at his blonde frame.

"Yeah." He smiled at me, waved and walked out the door.

For some reason I felt extremely alone at that moment. What was I thinking? I mentally slapped myself. He was leaving for an afternoon and I was feeling like a little abandoned puppy? I really had to grow up.

"I've got the drinks." Remus appeared. "Wait, where did Kevin go?"

"Oh, he had to go meet with a couple of his friends." I said carelessly, reaching for my butterbeer.

"Oh." But I noticed Remus glance quickly towards the door.

I quickly finished my drink and stood up. "Um, I think I'm going to head back to the castle, guys." I told them.

"Are you sure?" Lily asked me. Her eyes seemed worried.

"Yeah, of course." I smiled at her. But somehow I felt that my smile hadn't quite reached my eyes.

"Okay..." She trailed off.

"See you." I waved and left. The weather was slowly turning cold, and I pulled my cloak tighter around me as I walked up the narrow road to the school. "Brrr." I said to myself. Then I spotted the black dog again.

It was standing in the exact same place as before, and it's huge gray eyes regarded me coldly. Once again, I was hit by the insane urge to bury my hands in it's glossy fur. I moved forward, hands held out. "Smart doggy." I crooned. "Can I pet you?"

Almost as if it understood what I was saying, it shook it's head, once, and then took a step back. I stopped confused. It looked at me again, and then stepped backwards again and again, until it was lost into view in a far alley.

I shook my head again. Why was I feeling so weird today? It was a _dog._ I shouldn't feel so hurt because a dog ignored me.

Still shaking my head, I slowly made my way back to the castle, maple leaves swirling around my head in a fiery halo.

--

**Okay, first thing's first. I LOVE YOU GUYS!! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING!! IT SO MADE MY DAY!! I was incredibly happy to see all of ya'lls reviews, thank you so much!!**

**Second, I wanted to show Sirius as a moody, horrible kid in the beginning, and that didn't seem very possible if he had wanted to be in Gryffindor...so I thought it would be better if he had been a jerk in the beginning. Cuz, I mean, practically my whole story centers around Sirius wanting to be a Slytherin, at least in the beginning of his Hogwarts life, so it was just convenient I guess...I know my characters ARE a bit ooc, though, but hey, it's a fanfiction, that's what they're about!!**

**Third, I LOVE YOU GUYS AGAIN!! PLEASE REVIEW!! My next chapter for this should be up by Friday or Saturday, maybe even before that...I have summer school (ew) so I don't know when I'll have time to update...thanks anyway!!**

**Fanta-Faerie**

**P.S.-Anyone see the SO subtle foreshadowing in this chapter?? smirk**


	7. I don't know

I cracked open an eye. What was happening? What was with that horrible noise?

Then I remembered.

Oh, god, don't tell me they...

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUTUMN!!" I heard two voices shriek.

"Guys..." I moaned, turning around. "It's..." I checked the clock. "Seven in the morning!" I groaned. "Class doesn't start for another one and a half hours!"

"Who cares about class?" Amy bounced on my bed. "It's your birthday! It's YOUR day! Whatever you want will be yours!"

I glared at her. "Then I want you off my bed."

"Okay, everything except that." She amended, grinning.

"We have your presents!" Lily said smiling. She pulled out a small bundle of wrapped gifts from behind her back.

Suddenly I was wide awake. "Presents!" I jumped up off the bed and grabbed the pile. "Okay..."I muttered to myself. "One from Lily, one from Amy, the one from Mum, obviously, Henry, Kevin, wait a sec...wait, one from the _Marauders_?" I said disbelievingly.

"What?" Amy and Lily asked. Amy craned her neck forward to look at the tiny white box.

"The Marauders gave me a gift." I repeated.

"What is it?" Lily asked curiously.

"I don't know and I don't want to know." I said decisively. "It'll be a prank, no doubt, and I don't want to spend my birthday with an extra head."

"But if it's a prank, why would they sign it with their names?" Amy asked reasonably. "I mean, they would know you would think it would be a prank and not open it, so they wouldn't sign their names."

"True..." Lily said thoughtfully.

"I think you should open it." Amy told me, bouncing again.

"Yes, just to see what it is." Lily suggested.

Looking at both of their expectant faces, I sighed. I would _so _regret this later. "Fine." I picked up the gift with two of my fingers and held it away from me.

"Jeez, Tua, it's not going to explode." Lily laughed.

"Knowing the Marauders it will." I replied grimly.

I picked at the bow with a finger carefully, and the bow quickly fell apart. By now, all the rest of the sixth year girls had awoken and were staring at me curiously.

I leaned towards it to peel off the wrappings, but with a huge boom, the entire thing exploded.

I wanted to say 'I told you so' to Lily so bad right then.

But when it exploded, nothing offensive came flying out. Instead, a huge bunch of rose petals came floating out and fell over my bed. They were a deep red and when they settled on my hair and my bed, I'll admit, the tiny four-poster looked quite becoming.

"What-?" Lily started in a hushed voice, but suddenly a small white folded note appeared out of nowhere. It hung in the air for a moment before gently settling onto my bed and then it opened.

"What does it say?" Amy asked, her eyes huge.

"Thank you." I said strangely. "It says 'Thank You'."

"For what?" Nayu asked.

"I have no idea." I told her, picking up the letter carefully.

"The Marauder's sent _you _birthday card?" Kimberly Ann asked me disbelievingly. "There has to be some mistake."

I didn't even bother glancing at her.

"What, jealous?" Amy shot back.

"Of her?" Kimberly sniffed and daintily got out of bed. "Please."

Amy glared at her until she left to the bathroom. "I hate her." She muttered.

"Don't let her get to you." Lily said wisely, reaching for some clothes.

"I guess." She replied forlornly.

"Hey." I said surprised.

"What?"

"There's a signature." I said confusedly. "On the back. It's signed...James Potter."

"Potter?" Lily asked me, turning around.

"Yeah. I mean, yes. It's his name." I held up the note so she could see. The messy scrawl was unmistakable.

Lily pursed her lips and turned back to her trunk. "From one girl to another." She muttered, her face red.

I was almost positive that I had heard a bit of jealousy in her voice, but I refrained from commenting. Instead, I grabbed a skirt and a top, my robes and left to the Great Hall, ready to ask why on earth James Potter was thanking me.

I spotted them almost immediately.

When I reached them, I tapped James on the shoulder. He turned around, and when he saw me, broke out into a huge smile. "Autumn!" He cried. He jumped up and gave me a big hug. "How's my favorite birthday girl today?"

I just stood there in shock. Whatever reaction I had been expecting, this most certainly was not it. "Potter." I said sternly, pushing him away. "You are not my dad."

"So?" He laughed, ruffling my hair.

Blinking at the extreme oddity of this scene, I smoothed down my hair, not even telling him off for messing it up. I looked towards Remus.

He met my gaze, but his face was unreadable.

"Get away from here." Black said irritably. I hadn't even noticed him sitting there.

"Why?" I asked snobbishly. "Who wants me to leave?"

"Me." He stood up as well. I had forgotten exactly how tall he was.

But I refused to be cowed. "I don't want to." I said, looking dispassionately around the Hall. "I seem to like sitting here. Oh, look. An open seat!" Before he could react, I slid into his seat and smiled sunnily up at him. "Lovely day, isn't it?"

His eyes flashed angrily. "Get. Up. Now."

I looked up at him, my eyes narrowed, but the smile still firmly fixed on my face. "I don't want to."

"I don't give a damn whether you want to, Samuels, but you will get the hell out of my seat." Black said, his voice dangerously low. James was still standing, looking somewhat confused at the tone the conversation had taken.

"Hmmm." I said, looking around the chair. "I don't see a name tag..." I looked up at him. "I don't see, 'This Seat Belongs to The Most Arrogant and Annoying Git In the Universe' etched into the back of the chair, so I'll sit here." When he opened his mouth furiously, I cut him off. "And you. Can't. Make me."

Black looked like he was about to explode. I mean, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. His hand clenched into a fist and no doubt would have punched me in the face, but Potter grabbed his arm, Remus grabbed me and Peter pushed the four of us out of the Hall.

Needless to say, there were plenty of surprised looks directed towards us.

We had turned a couple of corners until we came to a deserted corridor, and then Potter released Black and Remus released me. By then, Black had cooled off somewhat, because he didn't seem quite as intent on killing me anymore.

But who cares about him?

I turned to Potter. "Okay, Potter, spill."

"What?" He asked me, his hazel eyes blinking behind his glasses.

I rolled my own green eyes. "The card, Potter, the card." I said, exasperated.

"What about it?" He asked me curiously. "Didn't you like it?"

"That's beside the point." I huffed, crossing my arms. Remus lifted an eyebrow. "I want to know why you sent that. Quite a few people have gotten the wrong impression, if you catch my drift, and your dear Lily isn't going to be impressed with a little show that looked like you were declaring your undying love for me!"

"Oh." He said, sitting back on his heels. "I hadn't thought of that."

"Obviously." I said, rolling my eyes again. "When do you ever think?"

"You shouldn't be one to say that, Samuels." Black snorted behind me.

"Oh, yeah?" I snarled, turning around.

"Yeah." He said simply.

"Well, it's not exactly like I'd take an insult from an idiot seriously anyway." I said, flipping my hair back with my hand. I knew perfectly well that acting like a Barbie Doll annoyed the hell out of him, and if that meant I had to look like Kimberly Ann, so be it.

"Who's the idiot here?" He sneered. "You didn't even know that we snuck into the girls dormitories two days ago!"

"You WHAT?" I shrieked. I whirled around, and was met by the same sheepish looks everywhere. "WHY?"

Black had shut up immediately after spilling his little secret. I couldn't take it.

Potter.

I strode up to him, grabbed him by the neck of his robes and practically slammed him into the wall. "You will tell me," I said, breathing fire. "Why exactly you were in the girls dorms in the middle of the night."

"Uh..." He trailed off.

"Or so help me, I will tell Lily." I growled, knowing perfectly well that this was all that was needed.

"It was after the little 'incident' with the truth-potion." I heard a voice behind me say. I let go of Potter and turned to Remus.

"What?"

"They, okay, fine, _we," _He amended, catching the looks on his friends faces. "Wanted to know what the girls were thinking after Sirius said those...things. So we snuck upstairs." He shrugged.

I had never quite realized how much like Black and Potter Remus was.

"And?" I asked, tapping my foot.

"We heard Lily say she thought James was cute!" Peter piped up.

Suddenly all my anger drained away. "Oh!" I laughed. "That's all. So you guys never came into the dorm itself."

"Well, I wouldn't say that..." James shifted uncomfortably.

"I loved your Powder Puff Girls underwear." Sirius smirked.

It was all I could do to not strangle all of them right there.

--

"Hey, babe." Kevin sidled up to me in-between classes.

"Hey." I smiled softly at him. I shifted my books around in my hands so that I could lean over and peck him on the cheek. "How are you?"

"Me?" He laughed. "I'm fine. Happy Birthday, babe." I smiled at him. "Did you like my present?"

I laughed. "Loved it. It was really beautiful." I lifted up my wrist so that he could see the diamond bracelet hanging off. "But you didn't need to spend quite so much money on me."

Suddenly he didn't meet my eyes. "Nah..." He trailed off, chuckling nervously. We walked down the hall together, and I was savoring the peacefulness of the moment.

Then, of course, it was broken by screams and yells a second away from us. "Crap." I muttered.

"What's wrong?" Kevin asked me, puzzled.

"Black." I hurriedly stuffed my books into my bag and then pulled him out of the way so that the stampeding horde of pigs wearing silver and green ties could pass, leaving us unharmed.

I sighed, wiping a bit of mud off of my nose. "So immature..." I muttered.

"Tell me about it." He said disgustedly. "Potter and his friends are such idiots."

"What is that I hear?" I heard an all too familiar voice say behind me. With a groan, I turned around, and saw Black turn the corner, loping into view. "Idiots?"

"Yes, Black." I said tiredly. "Idiots. Don't deny it, you all are. Now leave us alone, I have to get to charms."

"Sure." He smirked. "Going to spend some time with Pretty Boy over there?"

"Eff off, Black." I glared at him.

"Aww, is the little girl mad?" He mocked me.

"Listen, I don't know what has gotten into you today, but you are _really _pissing me off." I snarled at him, pushing my bag into Kevin's surprised arms.

"Nice to know." He grinned cheekily.

That threw me for a moment. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw something move, a red light flash, and without even thinking about it, I yanked out my wand and fired.

Unfortunately, my blocking spell came a second too late, but the spell that was to hit me, never even touched me. Out of nowhere, Black was in front of me, _protecting _me, and he suddenly crumpled to the ground.

I turned just in time to see a couple of Slytherins vanish around the corner, one of them muttering 'Mudbloods', before I dropped to the floor beside him.

"Black?" I reached out my hand. He wasn't moving. "Sirius?" I tentatively rolled him over. "Oh crap." I muttered. He had a gash in his robes that was no doubt meant to slash open his skin, but the spell had been too hasty, the object had been moving, and his robes had protected him, so there was only a cut through his clothes and a slight scratch on his skin.

I smoothed out his shirt, and suddenly I was thankful. If he hadn't jumped in front of me, the spell definitely would have caused some serious damage to me.

Then I realized he was conscious.

I froze, my hand still on his chest as his eyes locked with mine.

The seconds ticked by.

I had never noticed how incredibly big his gray eyes were.

"Why did you do that?" He broke the silence suddenly. His voice was soft.

"Why did you jump in front of me?" I countered.

His brow furrowed. "I don't know." He whispered. "I saw you, I saw the spell, and...I don't know."

I couldn't speak. For some reason, there was a lump in my throat.

I noticed that Kevin had vanished.

"Well, thanks." I said, suddenly business-like. I finished smoothing out his shirt and then stood up. "If you hadn't done that, I would have been hurt."

I held out a hand to help him up.

He just stared at it, like he didn't know what to do with it.

I sighed. "I'm helping you up, Black. You saved me, so I'll be nice to you today." He grabbed my hand and pulled himself up, dusting himself off. "And on my birthday too." I grumbled.

"Thanks." I looked up, startled. He wasn't looking at me, but I noticed the slightest bit of red on his cheeks.

Suddenly my mouth stretched into a huge smile. "You're welcome."

**--**

**Okay, the whole reason that they hate each other is going to come out in the next two chapters!! Stay tuned, and please review!!**

**Fanta-Faerie**


	8. Everything Starts With The Past

I had detention. Why?

Do you _have _to ask?

I had been walking with Lily to Potions and we ran into Black and Potter, mercilessly teasing a small second year. The moment Potter realized Lily was in sight, he stopped, shoved the poor child behind him and started running his hand through his hair. Black turned half-way around.

"Samuels." He acknowledged me.

"Black." I sniffed.

"Lily-kins!" Potter cried.

Lily just sighed and walked into class. "Hurry up, Potter." She called, not looking back. "We have to make Amortia today. And I want to finish in time." Potter didn't even glance towards us, he ran inside to his dear 'Lily-kins'.

After my birthday, everything had quickly reverted to normal. We had been polite to each other on that single day, but the next day I woke up with a third eye, and he with a third arm. And today was no different.

We walked into class, and took our seats, sitting as far away from each other as possible. I turned around to talk to Amy. It was surprising, really, how well she and Remus got along. They usually had the best potions in the class.

"Class, class!" Slughorn waddled into class, his eyes twinkling merrily. We all quieted down. I swished around and faced the front. "Today we will be making Amortia. As you all should know, it is the strongest love potion in the world, and can be highly, er...harmful, if kept sitting stagnant for long amounts of time. However, it is extremely tricky to make, and the slightest mistake can cause it to go horribly wrong. So, ingredients..." With a wave of his wand, directions appeared on the chalk board. "Everything you need will be in the cupboards, now get to it!!"

I sighed and looked over at the board. "Okay, Black, you go get the rest of the ingredients, and I'll start simmering this stuff."

I was surprised when he just got up and did what I asked. Amazingly enough, our potion actually turned out okay, and it was exactly the right color when we finished. Slughorn cautiously made his way up to our cauldron, obviously expecting the usual foul mess we produced, but was rewarded with the correct potion.

"Mmmm." He inhaled deeply. "Very nice, Miss Samules, Mister Black. Very nice indeed! An O to the both of you!"

Grinning with success, we faced each other. It was our first 'O' in the class. Black held up a hand, and without thinking, I reached up and slapped it, laughing at our success.

"We did well, eh, Samuels?" Black grinned at me.

"Better than well, Black, we did Outstanding!" I replied with a smile. Still smiling, I gathered up a few of our left over ingredients and turned around to dispose of them. "What?" I asked the stunned faces of Amy and Lily.

"You...he...but...what?" Amy stuttered, pointing at me and Black.

I just gave her an odd look and went to put away the samples.

"Wonder what's up with them?" Black muttered, following me with a couple of bottles.

"No idea." I replied. "Hey...watch it!" Black had suddenly darted in front of me, eager to reach the cupboard first. Unfortunately, his doing so had resulted in his knocking into me. The things in my hand went flying and crashed on to the ground, sending frog eyes and snake skins everywhere.

"What is _wrong _with you, Black?" I yelled, throwing my hands up in the air. "Do you _have _be such an idiot?"

"Well, I'm not the one that decided to block the way to the cupboard!" He yelled back, shoving me.

"You IDIOT!" I shoved him back, and we once again ended up on the ground, slapping and punching and biting each other for all it was worth.

I dimly heard Lily sigh. "I knew it was too good to be true."

--

We were let off pretty easy, considering that we had almost blown up half the dungeons. Apparently, silver ginger root juice was highly combustible when mixed with chicken blood. Slughorn had managed to restrict the damage to a portion of the classroom, but we had three Saturdays of detention ahead of us.

Walking down to the Great Hall with Lily and Amy, I couldn't help but sigh gloomily. Those were three Saturdays with Kevin at Hogsmeade gone. Come to think of it, I thought. I hadn't seen Kevin around lately.

And I probably wasn't going to, if those detentions were any indication.

"Well, it was your own fault." Lily reproved me, hearing my sigh.

"Mine?" I snorted. "It was that idiot, Black's. He's the one that decided to act like an imbecile."

Lily just sighed and rolled her eyes. "Forget it. But let's hurry, I think we get lasagna tonight."

We were sitting and eating and I had just taken a gulp of my milk when someone pulled out a chair and sat next to me.

"Cute." Kevin laughed. "Milk moustache." He reached up and wiped it off.

I rolled my eyes but laughed with him.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Black pretending to retch.

"So..."I trailed off. "What brings you to the Gryffindor table?"

"You." He said in a 'well-duh' voice.

I smiled and leaned against him. "Really. Well, what about me?"

Suddenly Kevin seemed to become nervous. "What's wrong?" I asked him concerned.

"I'm really, really sorry, babe," He started, looking at me worriedly. "But I won't be able to make it to Hogsmeade this Saturday. I have a study session planned with the guys."

I saw Remus lean over and whisper something to Potter. He quickly glanced at me, shook his head and turned back to Black, who was staring at us with a blatantly rude expression on his face.

"Oh, is that all?" I laughed at his confused expression. "Don't worry, Black managed to land me in detention for the next three weeks anyway. I was going to tell you tomorrow, but this works out fine anyway."

The look of relief on his face was almost comical. "The next three weeks, huh?" He muttered to himself. "Okay. Oh!" He reached into his pocket, rummaging around until he came up with a small blue velvet box. "Here. It's a present for you."

"Another one?" I laughed. "Kevin, I really don't need gifts to be happy. All I need is you."

"I-it's okay." He smiled, not meeting my eyes. He shoved the box into my hands. Then he abruptly stood up. "I've gotta go, babe, see you later!" He leaned down gave me a quick kiss and left, waving.

I turned back to my lasagna, feeling, for some reason, rather angry.

"D'you know what Kevin is studying for?" Lily asked me, her eyebrow raised.

"No." I told her, stabbing my fork into the pasta. "But why does it matter?"

"No, nothing..."She trailed off, gazing at his retreating figure. "It's just that we don't have any tests next week."

--

The rest of the week passed by much too quickly for my tastes, and the dreaded Saturday detention was suddenly staring me in the face. I made my way down to Filch's office at six, rubbing my eyes with my new gold charm bracelet dangling from my wrist. Lily and Amy had left for Hogsmeade in the morning with Remus and Paul, promising to bring me back some Honeydukes chocolate.

At the door I met Black, slouching against the wall.

I flashed one disgusted look at him and then turned the knob and went in. "Mr. Flich?" I called. The room was pitch black. "Mr. Filch?" I called again. I took a step forward. "Woah!" I had walked right into a desk. I swayed unsteadily, arms flailing in the air, but went tumbling backwards anyway, eyes shut tight.

"Ooof." I heard the surprise woosh of air escape Black. He had grabbed me by the waist, just managing to keep the both of us standing.

We stood there for a moment, his hands still gripping my waist tightly, my eyes still closed.

_"Wait. Don't go." _

Suddenly the lights flickered on.

My eyes flashed open.

Black's hands dropped like they were burned.

"What're you two doing in here?" We heard Filch scream.

I turned around quickly. "We...I...We're here for our detentions!" I finally cried.

One of his eyes narrowed, assessing the truth of my statement. "Fine." He growled at us. "Come on." He stumped out of his office. I followed him, with a quick glance back at Black. He was looking at me, his head cocked like a dog listening hard, eyes unreadable.

Startled, I shook my head and followed Filch out, not looking back again.

"You'll be scrubbing the floors," He told us, leering grossly. He opened a door, walked through and let it fall back, hitting me on the head.

"Ow." I muttered to myself.

Black snickered.

I pretended not to hear.

"Of the dungeons." We heard Filch finish.

We walked in. My jaw dropped. This dungeon was three times the size of our regular classroom, and the regular classroom itself was huge.

"No magic." Filch cackled. He threw down a bucket and two rags and stumped from the room, crowing gleefully.

The moment the door closed behind him, I turned to face Black.

"Look at what you've gotten us into!" I glared. "We have to clean this whole place!"

"What's _with _you?" He shot back. "Afraid of chipping a nail?"

"Look who's talking!" I snarled. "Mister I-Spend-Two-Hours-Everyday-On-My-Hair!"

"At least my hair doesn't look like it's been burned!"

"Are you trying to imply something?" I asked him, stepping up to him.

"Aw, the little girl finally understood something!" He mocked me.

My anger had reached it's boiling point. "You insufferable GIT!" I screamed. "You're the reason I'm sitting here, wiping down floors where damn frogs have used the restroom, instead of spending time with my boyfriend!"

"Your boyfriend?" He snorted, stepping closer as well. "Your perfect little boyfriend?"

"Yes!" I shoved him in the chest. "He's everything that you'll _never _be, handsome, kind, sweet, loyal--" At every word, I shoved him farther and farther back, the bracelet on my wrist dangling and flying every which way.

Suddenly Black reached up and grabbed my wrist. I stopped, shocked. He lifted up my arm, lifted the bracelet to eye level. "He gave this to you?" He asked me evenly.

I recovered quickly. "Yes, for your information, he did! Kevin is the sweetest boyfriend any girl would ever be lucky to have--" I tried to yank my wrist out his grip, but he held on tighter.

"You really think he's that great?" He asked me. His eyes had become unreadable again.

I snorted in disbelief. "Yes, he is! Infinitely greater than _you--_" I was cut off. Black had suddenly clapped his hand over my mouth. My eyes widened as I tried to get away. What was the idiot trying to do?

I found out a moment later.

Voices were coming from the adjacent hall, voices I--

"I know the perfect place, babe, the perfect place."

A giggle. "Oh really? Better than the astronomy tower?"

A masculine chuckle. "Loads better. No one will find us he--"

Kevin walked into the dungeon, his arm around a pretty Ravenclaw brunette. He stopped mid-sentence, catching sight of me.

Black's arms slowly dropped away.

We stared at each other for a long moment.

Then I spoke. "So this is your study session with the guys?" I choked out.

"Autumn, I-" He started, but I held up a hand, palm out.

"Please." My eyes had started to fill up. I blinked them back angrily. "You don't need to explain anything."

He didn't say anything. I looked into his eyes, searching for something that would tell me I was wrong, that there really was some mistake. But all I saw was sadness and relief.

"How long?" I asked him. "How long?"

He didn't play around any longer. "One and a half months."

I couldn't help the small gasp that escaped. "That long, huh?"

He was silent.

I closed my eyes for a moment, concentrating on breathing in and out.

"Autumn-" I heard another voice say.

"Shut up, Black." I said, whirling around. I was horrified to realize there were tears running down my cheeks. "I don't need this, especially from you."

"I was just--"

"Just shut UP!" I screamed. Involuntarily I flung a hand out and slapped him across the cheek. Then I turned around, barely able to see between my tears, and glared at Kevin. "Hope you have a nice life. Must be better than mine." And pushed my way past Kevin and the Ravenclaw, running as if for my life.

I heard a thud, the sound of something splintering and a cry of pain, but I was running, running so fast that I didn't care anymore.

Everything made sense now.

The necklace, the bracelet, the charms...every time he cheated, he felt guilty, guilty enough to buy me things. Telling himself it was alright then.

I bit back a bitter laugh.

My life just became better and better didn't it?

I was running so fast, so blindly that I didn't even notice the other person walking down the hall until I crashed into him.

"What the-Autumn?" I heard Remus's concerned voice ask. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I told him, tears still steadily tracking down my cheeks. "I'm fine. Perfectly peachy."

He was quiet for a moment. Then- "Was it Sirius?" He asked. His tone had suddenly become grim.

"Yes...no...I don't know, oh, I just don't know anymore!" I cried, clutching at his robes.

"Come on. Oh, just come with me. It'll be fine, okay? I promise." Remus leaned over and picked me up, half supporting me and we walked over to a deserted staircase.

He settled me on a step and took a seat beside me. "Okay. Now tell me everything."

"Everything?" I smiled half-heartedly between my tears.

"Everything." He said firmly. "Start at the beginning. The very beginning."

I don't know what had come over me at that point, whether it was the comforting presence next to me, the desperate situation I was in, or utter madness, but I told him.

I dredged up the memories of my past, the ones I had worked so long to forget.

Because.

Everything starts with the past.

And my past started everything.

**--**

**The stunning revelations next chapter!! Stay tuned, and PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!  
**

**Fanta-Faerie**


	9. Forgotten

"I was five years old when my father died. He had been an Auror, a dark wizard catcher, and he was one of the best. It became so that he was only called for the most extreme cases, because people thought they shouldn't bother him with the more trivial problems.

And whenever he was called, whatever he was called to do, he did it. No questions asked. He really was amazing. But even so, even being such a celebrity in the Ministry, he was the most caring father any little girl could ask for. When he was alive, I was overflowing with his love. He would take me to parks, games, practically anything. He was my father.

Then he was called again. It was the first time in eight months that he had been called, and my mother had kissed him goodbye, same as always, sure that he would come back. I, however, hadn't even bothered to say goodbye. I knew he was coming back. I knew he was coming home.

To this day, I don't know if he had a premonition, or if it was simply coincidence, but he came over to the rug I was lying on, watching TV, picked me up and whirled me around. Then he hugged me, hard, and told me he would love me forever. I laughed, dizzy, and told him the same, eager to get back to my show. He paused at the door and kissed my mother once more. Then the door opened and he was gone.

Forever.

They never even found his body. He had been sent out to battle a rising evil wizard, and though he defeated the man, he had apparently been so close to death because of his injuries that he had died, after performing the last spell to kill the wizard.

The wizard's body was found.

But not my father's.

We survived. Barely, but we survived. Two months after my father's death, Henry was born. At that point, he was all my mother and I lived for. We had to leave our beautiful red house for a small little shack, address, Number 11 Grimmauld Place. And what an address it turned out to be…"

I stopped for a moment, collecting my thoughts.

Remus spoke. "That's the house next to Sirius's isn't it?" He asked quietly.

"Yes." I smiled bitterly. "Yes, it is."

"I bore it, though. I was only six years old, but I bore it. I lived in that house for another five years, and we always managed to scrape by. Our neighbors, however, were a different story.

My mother had known who lived next door to us when we had moved in, and she had known that they wouldn't be happy about it. But she moved our broken little family there anyway. We couldn't afford anywhere else. Every time the Blacks passed by, or apparated on the porch, she would harry Henry and I inside, doing her best to protect us from the snide remarks that would come.

However, even so, I knew a bit about the Black family. I knew they had a house elf, Kreacher. They were wealthy. They had two sons, Sirius and Regulus. Sirius was my age, and I knew he would be coming to Hogwarts with me. I was happy about this, thinking that, though we had never exchanged a word in our lives, I would have a friend, or at least someone to talk to on the train.

When my letter to Hogwarts came, I was ecstatic. We went to Diagon Alley, and I was once again surprised by the splendor of it all. My mother had only gone to Diagon Alley a few times since our move, and she had never taken Henry and me. It had been six years since I had stepped foot in the place, and I was completely overwhelmed by the beauty of pure _magic_."

I couldn't help but smile at the memory.

"We just managed to buy all my books and my supplies, and my wand was the very last thing we went to buy. We were surprised when we entered the store; Sirius Black was there with his mother.

He was buying his wand.

He picked up a wand, a slim one, I remember, and waved it once. A shower of silver sparks fell out, but instead of dissolving into air, they flew to me and danced around my little body, until they slowly disappeared.

But he never paid any attention to me. He bought his wand and left without a single glance at me or my mother.

I suppose I should've realized then that Sirius Black wasn't someone I should tangle with.

But when have I ever had any common sense?" I asked Remus, shrugging my shoulders.

He was silent. But his silence urged me to continue.

"I left to Kings Cross by myself; we couldn't afford three bus tickets. Henry and my mother waved me off, crying, but I was much too excited to pay much attention. I was going to Hogwarts!

I made it to the platform, platform 9 and 3/4, and I couldn't help but stare in awe at the sight before me. I pushed my trunk onto the train and wandered through the compartments, searching for a place to sit. Then I saw him, I saw Sirius Black.

He was with Lucius Malfoy, and they were both walking down the aisle. I lifted a hand to wave, opened my mouth to say hi, but he pushed past me, and I fell to the side, thudding hard against a compartment door.

And then Malfoy called me a 'Mudblood'.

And he laughed, Remus, he laughed." I looked up at him, silhouetted against the steps. It was too dark for me to read his face.

"Sirius laughed?" He asked me in a strained voice.

"Yeah. Yes, he did." I told him. I stared off into the darkening corridors. Night was falling.

"I was hurt, yes. I mean, who wouldn't be? But I was only eleven, still happy, still able to bounce back. Thankfully, the door which I had slammed against opened and Lily was there, with Amy. They both invited me to sit with them, and I made it into Gryffindor.

Sirius, however, was a different story. I'm sure you remember, it's hard to forget, the way not a single person clapped for him when the hat pronounced him a Gryffindor. I was incredibly sad for him, despite his rudeness to me, and I wanted to help him, make him feel better. I had already sat down next to Lily and Amy, but during the feast, I went up to him. I asked him if he wanted to be friends.

He was extremely rude at first.

Then he reached out and clutched my hand. And he said, _"Wait. Don't leave"_

So I stayed.

He was my friend from there on. I would find him in the Great Hall and sit next to him; I would take the chair next to him in classes.

I never really noticed that he didn't do the same when I reached a class first."

"You two were friends?" Remus asked, his tone incredulous.

"Not quite." I told him with a sigh. "He was my friend. I always had considered him so. But I was never his. He had stayed with me only out of necessity, as I painfully found out later."

"One day, about two months after school had started, I had been walking to the dormitories with Amy, and we heard someone say something about me, something that had been a secret. The only people that knew about it were Amy, Lily and Sirius. And the voice was definitely masculine.

But I wouldn't let myself believe that he had betrayed my trust. To me, it wasn't possible. He was my friend! And friends don't do that to each other.

So I pretended it hadn't happened.

Barely three months later everything collapsed.

My life was in shambles.

Everything I had believed in, all my innocence had fled out the window.

I wasn't the young, naïve Autumn Samuels I had been."

"Sirius changed that." Remus said. It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

"Yes." I smiled harshly. "Yes, he did."

A shadow moved in the darker recesses of the hall.

"I had been coming down from the dorms for dinner. I was late for meeting Lily and Amy in the Great Hall. But I had been running down the steps just a bit too fast, and I tripped and fell in a heap on the floor, right in front of Sirius.

He had been sitting in one of those huge armchairs. It had been raining outside." I recalled.

Memories were flashing in front of my eyes.

I had never told anyone this.

Why now?

And why, why to the best friend of the man that had caused me all the pain?

"I hadn't noticed all the children crowded behind him. Whenever I saw Sirius he was the only one I focused on.

_"Samuels." He shook his head. Even after five months he would only call me by my last name. I, however, had no such inclinations. _

_"Hi, Sirius! Yeah, I can be such a klutz, huh?" I laughed at myself. _

_He looked at me for a few minutes, an odd expression on his face. Then he smiled. It wasn't his nice smile, it was the smile that I had grown to hate whenever I saw it appear on his face. It gave him a cruel look, one that boded ill for someone. _

_At that moment, it boded ill for me. _

_I hadn't noticed the group of children gathered behind him._

_"Hey, Samuels..."He trailed off. His eyes glittered oddly. "How would you like to go on a date with me?" _

_My jaw dropped to the ground. I was utterly stunned. _

_"A-a date?" I squeaked. "A date…with you?" _

_"No, a date with Kimberly Ann." He said sarcastically. _

_I flushed._

_"Well?" He smiled at me, that same slow grin. _

_"I…I think so! I mean, yes! Yes, I'd love to go out with you!" I bounced up to my feet, suddenly smiling. My grin was wider than the Milky Way. _

_He laughed. He turned half-way in his chair to face the children behind him. _

_"Did you hear that?" He asked them with a laugh. "She really thinks that I'd date her! That I, Sirius Black would date her!" _

_Someone snorted._

_My grin slowly started to fall from my face. _

_What was going on? _

_"That I, Sirius Black would presume to date a…nobody." He had turned to face me again. "Please. Samuels, I wouldn't date you if you were the last girl on the planet." _

_The group behind us started to giggle. _

_Tears started to fill my eyes._

_"Sirius?" I asked in hurt whisper. "Sirius, what's going on? What're you doing?" _

_He ignored me._

_"D'you want to know something?" He turned around to face the kids again. "Samuels has no father. He's dead!"_

_I gasped. Not even Amy or Lily knew that._

_"He was an idiot. He died because his own spell backfired on him!" _

_Tears were falling down my face. _

_"She still sleeps with a picture of him under her pillow! The 'wittle baby!" He sneered. _

_I was crying softly. _

_My heart was hurting._

_"She did her first bit of magic when she was ten! Imagine, only a year ago!" He turned back. "She's probably a Squib."_

_Word after word, secret after secret spilled from his lips. Everything that I had told him, all my secrets he told to the world. _

_I couldn't do anything. _

_I sat there and sobbed. _

_My heart was breaking. _

_Crumbling. _

_Then, at the end, when everything had been told, he turned to me one last time._

_And spoke. _

_"You are utterly worthless." _

_And he left._

_He left me. _

_I was alone in the room. _

_It was cold._

_It was so cold. _

"I barely remember anything after that." I told Remus, my voice echoing into corridors. My eyes were dry. "Lily and Amy had come up to see why I hadn't met them. They found me, curled up, I think, and took me upstairs. They never asked what had happened. And I had never told."

I turned to face Remus. "Until now."

Remus was staring at me, his face horrified.

"Well, I've got to get to bed." I stood up, brushing my robes off. "Thanks for listening Remus. I really appreciate it." I slowly made my way up the steps, my memories weighing me down as if they were tangible.

Because to me, they were.

--

Remus stared after her, in shock. Then, quietly, so quietly it was barely possible to hear, he said, "Come on out, Padfoot. I know you're there."

A shadow moved behind a pillar.

Sirius Black stepped out.

His hand was clutching his mouth. There was blood on his knuckles. His face was shocked. His eyes followed the slight, hunched, figure until it disappeared from sight. "I…I had forgotten." His voice was hoarse. "I had no idea."

Remus slowly stood up. He turned to his best friend. "I don't know anymore, Sirius." He said heavily. "Are you the man I know? Or are you someone else?"

They looked at each other for a long moment.

"I don't know." Sirius whispered.

Remus gazed at him sadly. "Goodnight…Padfoot." He left, taking the same route the broken little girl had.

"I had forgotten." Sirius Black repeated, alone in the dark corridor. The moon was shining brightly from outside a window.

The stars glittered coldly. He raised his head, looking but not seeing.

"I had forgotten."

**--**

**So, how was it? Sad, right? I practically cried while writing this…I think it was the song I was listening to… What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts/Cascada.**

**Please Review…I really need them this time…thanks!**

**Fanta-Faerie**


	10. He just asked me out!

I told Lily and Amy the next morning about Kevin. They cried with me, and Amy promised to beat his blond head in for me.

I didn't say anything about Remus's and mine conversation though. It had been painful enough talking about them the first time. I didn't know if I was strong enough to relive them a second time. So I kept quiet, and let them think that my troubled expression was due to Kevin, not the fact that I had just told a guy I didn't even know my deepest secret.

We had sat down in the Great Hall already when I caught sight of Kevin. He was sitting next to the Ravenclaw girl, his arm around her shoulders. I stiffened. Lily caught sight of where my gaze was fixed and she sighed. She moved to block my view and then forced a smile.

"Hey, Tua, what do you want to do today? It's Sunday, and there's no detention..." She tried.

I looked at her.

Amy took a slurp of her milk. Then she choked. "Oh no. Look who's coming."

Though they agreed with me on the matter of Kevin, they couldn't fathom why I had slapped Black instead of him. They figured I should apologize. And, to tell you the truth, I _was _feeling rather horrible about the whole thing myself.

I am much too nice for my own good.

"Are you going to apologize?" Lily asked me in an undertone.

"I don't know. Why?" I asked, grabbing a pancake as it passed.

"Because he's coming in your direction."

"_What?"_I turned around in disbelief. But I needn't have bothered. Black had already reached our table. "Good Morning." He said, nodding to Lily and Amy. Then he turned to me. "Morning Autumn."

I started choking on my pancake.

"Hey, you okay?" Black asked me, concernedly, patting me on the back.

I started choking even harder.

"D...don't...touch me!" I managed to gasp out.

"Sorry." He shrugged. Then he leaned over, pulled out a chair and _sat next to me._

Amy looked absolutely thunderstruck.

"Black," I started slowly, after downing a glass of orange juice to stop my coughing.

"Yes, Autumn?" He asked me. "Hey, Amy, could you pass that plate of sausage?"

Blushing beet red, Amy did so.

"Thanks." He smiled at her and turned back to my shocked expression. "Autumn?"

"This isn't your table." I continued after a moment. "You sit over there." I pointed towards the remaining Marauders.

"I thought I'd sit with you today." He shrugged, eating a piece of waffle.

"Wait, why aren't your friends wondering why you're sitting with us?" Lily asked shrewdly. I looked over at them. It was true. They certainly seemed happy enough.

"Oh, I'm sure they think I'm here to pull a prank on Autumn." He leaned over and grabbed the maple syrup.

"And you're not?" Lily asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Nope! I decided to turn over a new leaf. I figured I should grow up about now. I mean, we're in sixth year already." He grinned at me. Ignoring the weird twitch my chest seemed to have at his smile, I decided to test his new found goodness.

"Tua-"Amy started warningly, catching on to my plan. She was quite the mind reader. And I suppose the all-too familiar evil glint in my eye might have tipped her off as well.

"So, Black." I said, interrupting her. "What's up with your hair today? It looks like someone poured Ugly potion all over it."

"I used a different conditioner yesterday." He told me, pausing between bites. "It doesn't look good? I'll change it."

My jaw dropped open.

I tried again. "Black, when was the last time you took a bath? Last year? You smell like a pig!"

I waited, fully expecting him to say 'And this comes from the girl who smells like dog's droppings.' but instead he said, "Hmmm, I suppose I should go take another bath then." Frowning.

I tried all morning to get him to say something mean to me, but he simply shrugged it off and continued being nice to me.

"Lily." I said, clutching her arm as we made our way out of the Great Hall. "I'm scared. Please tell me I'm dreaming."

"I don't know, Tua." She said with a frown. "It really does look like Black has turned over a new leaf."

"Isn't that so sweet though?" Amy asked with a smile. "I bet a lot more girls will be falling over him now!"

"I can already see one." I told her, rolling my eyes.

"Who?" She asked confused.

"You!" I smirked. I fully expected her to deny it, but she blushed. She _blushed. _

"You like him!" Lily shrieked. "Oh my god, you like Sirius Black!"

"Shhh!" Amy shushed her, looking nervously around the deserted hallway. "Not so loud!"

"But you-!" Lily started. "How long?"

"Fourth year." Amy blushed.

Our jaws dropped. "Two years?" Lily asked, eyes wide. "You've liked him that long?"

"Yeah." She smiled softly. "He's actually really nice."

"Nice?" I asked her, a disbelieving expression on my face. "Do you not remember the dragon dung?"

"Well, he's nice to everyone but you." She amended.

"Exactly! He's nice to everyone but your best friend!" I practically shouted at her. "Do you not see something wrong with that?" Suddenly I was angry. I knew I shouldn't really care, I mean, it's not like she was going to start dating him anytime soon. "And what happened to Paul?"

She looked abashed. "I told Paul a while ago that I'd prefer it if we were just friends." She told us. We had reached the common room. "And this is why I never told you, Tua! I knew you wouldn't take it well!"

I closed my eyes. She was right. I was overreacting. "I'm sorry, Amy. It's just that...knowing my best friend likes my worst enemy was kind of a shock."

"It's okay." She smiled at me. "Besides, it's not like anything is ever going to happen."

--

I lay in my bed; no one else was in the dorms. I was completely and utterly confused. What was wrong with me? I was seriously overreacting about Amy's little crush. I mean, that she liked him was a shock, yes, but it wasn't _that _big of a deal. Practically half the female population of the school was in love with Black. I would be an idiot if I thought that my two best friends and I were the only ones immune.

Angrily, I punched my pillow.

But I couldn't squash the strange feeling that I was...well, that I was jealous. I knew the feeling of jealousy, I had felt it plenty times before. But that I was jealous of my best friend for liking the one guy I hated with all my heart?

I was getting some seriously wrong signals.

And then there was Remus.

I had never asked him to keep what I had told him a secret between the both of us, for I really didn't need the story to get to Black's ears. I didn't know how he would feel about the whole incident any longer, though, because he had changed quite a bit since first year.

After he had made a complete fool of me that night, we had never spoken again. For the remainder of the school year, it was if we were strangers. Then, at the beginning of second year, I walked on to the train amid catcalls, and Lily informed me that I had a 'Kiss Me' sign attached to my favorite shirt. He had used a Permanent Sticking Charm, that much was obvious, since I never managed to get it off.

So, of course, I planned revenge. Ever since, we've been fighting.

I doubted that Black even remembered what he had done to me in our first year; his memory was nothing but a sieve.

But then, why, after the night that I had finally spilled my biggest secret to his best friend, did he suddenly start acting nice to me? Was it all part of a cleverly concocted prank? Or was he really sincere?

I had to know.

I lay in bed for a moment longer, and then jumped up and practically ran out of the dorm.

Remus was in the common room, sitting next to the fire, reading a book. I went up behind him and knocked on the cover. "Hey." I smiled at him.

"Hello, Autumn." He smiled once he lowered his book. "Is there something you want to talk about?"

I didn't miss the sudden worry in his eyes. "Actually, yes. I was wondering...did you tell Black about what I told you yesterday?"

He stared at me for a long moment. My heart started to beat faster. "No, I didn't. I never told him." He said. I could read the truth in his voice.

"Thank you." I sighed and slumped back on the floor. "But I just don't know what he's trying to achieve by being so nice to me."

Remus closed his book and placed it on a table. "I think," He started carefully. "that he feels somewhat sorry for everything he's done. I don't think he meant to hurt you."

I stared at him with a narrowed eye. "But you said you hadn't told him what I had said. So why does he suddenly feel bad?"

He sighed. "Who knows? Sirius Black is very much an enigma that I doubt anyone will ever solve."

I couldn't help but laugh with him. Black? An enigma? Please. I didn't notice that he had meant to stray me from the topic at the time. We spent another hour or so chatting, and I learned quite a bit about Remus Lupin. And I found that I rather liked what I had learned.

"Lily's really lucky." I sighed, sitting back on my hands.

"Hmmm? Why?" He asked me with a smile.

"She's got you." I told him, with a laugh.

He turned red. "Oh, um, right." He stumbled.

I couldn't help but laugh a bit. "Forget it, Remus. It's fine. Besides, after Kevin, I don't think I'll be ready for any romantic relationships right now." My tone suddenly became darker.

"Yes, I suppose I could see why." Remus agreed.

"You are a really nice guy, Remus." I smiled softly. "Thanks for everything."

"You're leaving?" He seemed surprised.

I grinned at him. "It's time for lunch."

"May I escort you?" He stood up and offered an arm.

"You may." I gave a little curtsy. I took his arm and we walked down to lunch laughing.

--

Lily and I were in the dorms, trying on a few new clothes her mother had sent her. She posed in a floor length lime green skirt and pink tank and I practically fell onto the ground in tears.

"Much too watermelon, Lils!" I laughed.

"Aw." She inspected herself in the mirror. "I rather liked the pink."

I knew perfectly well that she was doing all of this to get my mind off of Kevin and I appreciated the effort. Unfortunately, everywhere I turned I was plagued with memories of him. I had already sent him back all of his presents, but just the thought of him made my stomach twist. I was hurt, definitely, but I knew that I would recover. I hadn't loved him, and I was glad that I hadn't wasted the effort, since he most certainly did not love me.

"Okay, keep the pink, but I think you should send back the skirt." I decided.

"Oka--" She started, but she was quickly cut off when the door opened.

"--Yes, I know." Kimberly Ann's voice carried through. "I'm not surprised at all that he dumped her, after all she's a complete witch--oh, _hello _Autumn." She smiled at me, showing almost every single whitened tooth she had.

"Afternoon Kimmie." I smiled back. It wasn't a very nice smile, though.

"We were just talking about you." She glanced at her friends gathered behind her.

"Oh really?" I forced the smile to stay on my face. Lily had stopped fiddling with her clothes and was staring at the scene through narrowed eyes.

"Yes, actually. We were saying how sad it was that Kevin dumped you for that other girl, a Ravenclaw wasn't she?" She smiled at me mockingly.

I laughed. "Is that the story he's spreading around?" I asked her with a smile.

She was disconcerted by the smile. "What do you mean, story?" She recovered quickly. "It's the truth."

My face hardened. "No, it's not. He was cheating on me. But, no doubt you already knew that, didn't you?"

"What do you mean?" She simpered.

I snorted. "Just forget it. I don't even care anymore." I turned around to face Lily again. "What about the blue skirt? That might be okay,"

"But really, is it much of a surprise?" She asked loudly. "Who on earth would _want _to date you? You or one of your loser friends?"

I slowly turned back to face her. "How about James Potter? Or Remus Lupin?" I asked her evenly. "Lily _is _dating Remus, and Potter is head over heels for her. And we both know you would never be able to land a single Marauder, so don't even try to lie to us."

Her face turned ugly. "I think you're forgetting that one of the Marauders hates you." She hissed. "Sirius Black? Ring a bell? He would _never _date you or any of your friends!"

For the second time that afternoon the door burst open. Amy skidded into the room, hair wild and face aglow. She didn't even notice Kimberly Ann and her friends.

"OH MY GOD!" She shrieked. She ran to me and hugged me hard. "OH MY GOD! Sirius Black just asked me out!" She was so happy that she didn't notice the thunderstruck expressions of Kimberly and her friends or my own.

I was shocked.

And...I was hurt.

I found my eyes filling up for no reason whatsoever. I hid them, though, by turning to the stack of clothes we still had to go through. "Wow, Amy. I'm so happy for you!" I said in a falsely cheery voice. I didn't even bother throwing a snide remark at Kimberly. Out of the corner of my blurry vision I saw Lily throw a worried glance at me before hugging Amy.

"That's amazing Amy! Did you say yes?" She asked.

"Of course I did!" She grinned. "I just don't know what suddenly brought it on." Her smile started to slide.

"What does it matter?" Lily said quickly. "He asked you out! He likes you!"

"Yeah!" Her smile returned full force. "He does! Hey, what're are they doing in here?" She finally noticed Kimberly.

But she needn't have wondered, for, with a sniff, she and her crowd left, banging the door closed.

I had wiped my eyes by then, so I turned back to Amy. "So spill the details!"

We spent another two hours talking about Black and, somehow, I managed to keep a smile on my face the whole while. But I couldn't fool Lily, and I knew she would try to talk to me about it sooner or later.

So when our conversation started to lag, I jumped up, saying I had to go to the library, and left, eyes filled up again.

--

Remus sighed. "Padfoot, I don't think asking out her best friend is quite the way to get Autumn to be friends with you."

"Why?" He asked, bemused. "I'm being nice to her friends. Why shouldn't that appeal to her?"

Remus looked at his friend for a moment. Then he shook his head. "Do you really even like Amy?"

"Well, yeah." Sirius said. "She's a pretty girl."

Remus shot a look of disbelief at him. "You are, as Autumn rightly says, an idiot."

"You wouldn't love me otherwise." Sirius grinned. "Now, I've got to go meet Amy for dinner." He left, the door closing behind him.

Remus stared after his friend, and with a sigh, sat down on his bed. He couldn't tell Sirius what he suspected. He was almost positive that Autumn still liked Sirius, and Sirius was too thick to realize it.

The way she had talked about him yesterday night...it had shocked him more than anything she had said. She had had a caressing tone to her voice as she said his name, his first name, and Remus wasn't one to miss that.

However, it was obvious that she was very much hurt by what he had done. And Remus knew that the hurt overshadowed whatever other feelings she felt for Sirius.

But Sirius asking out her best friend would just make the situation worse, he knew.

Then again, it was Sirius he was talking about. He would never learn anything unless he experienced it fully.

All Remus could do was hope that Autumn would be alright in the end.

--

**The drama increases!! See the new couples on the horizon? Remus/Autumn and Amy/Sirius? With Remus/Lily and Lily/James? Plus the whole Autumn/Sirius? Isn't this a right jolly mess now? And then there's poor Peter...I think I'll just pair him off with someone random for the heck of it...what about Kimberly?? (:p) **

**So I'd love you guys if you'd reveiw!! Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank you! **

**Fanta-Faerie**


	11. Oh No

"Autuuuuuumn..."I heard Amy groan. "Get up!"

"Why?" I mumbled into my pillow. "It's Saturday! Why would I want to get up at eight when I absolutely don't need to?"

I heard her sigh. "Because there's a Quidditch game, that's why!" She punched my pillow. "Lily! Make her get up!" She called. Lily was busy fixing her hair, and didn't reply.

Lately, Lily had been taking more care with her appearance, and, as her best friends, we knew perfectly well it was for a boy. Amy thought it was Remus.

I knew better.

What was the point of dressing up so well as she did everyday for the boy she already had? No point at all. She was doing this for someone else.

Who?

I couldn't help but suspect James Potter. After my advice a month or two ago, he had started being much more of a gentleman. He had stopped asking her out so often, and, instead, she would walk down to the Great Hall and find a single lavender colored rose, thorn-less, with a small slip of paper with his name in elegant script next to it, enchanted to be at her plate, wherever she sat.

I doubted she knew what that meant however, and I wasn't about to tell her.

I did feel sorry for Remus, because I suspected he knew what was happening as well. He was certainly no Black, and he could definitely read the signs. He probably knew that his girlfriend was slowly falling for his best friend.

Which brought me to the subject of Remus and Potter. How had Lily affected their relationship? It would appear that nothing had really changed, at least on the surface. Neither were ignoring each other, in fact, it seemed as if they were closer than ever.

My thoughts were that they both forgot about Lily while they were together, neither willing to destroy their long-lasting friendship over her. Which was really quite sweet when you came to look at it- that their friendship was so strong.

I didn't know if Lily, Amy, and I would fare half so well if a boy came between us.

And I never wanted to find out.

"Tua, you _have _to come!" Amy moaned. "Sirius is playing!"

I cracked open one eye to glare at her. "So I should come watch a Quidditch game because _your _boyfriend is playing?" I snorted and turned over. "Yeah right. And did you forget that I want nothing whatsoever to do with Black anyway?"

"Well, you two have been getting on better lately." Lily said, turning around from the mirror. She screwed the cap back on of a tube of mascara.

"Yeah, for her sake." I replied, jabbing Amy in the ribs.

Lily looked at me skeptically.

I was sure she had her own theories about Black and mines relationship.

However, at the moment, I really didn't care. "I am not coming, and that is final!"

Just as I was about to bury my head under my pillow I caught a crafty look in Amy's eyes.

"Oh really?" She said, voice innocent. "What if I say that if you come I'll give you a whole bar of Honeydukes Caramel Chocolate?"

I started to drool.

"Think of it..." She started enticingly. "The rich milk chocolate, with swirls of creamy caramel...milky and sweet...soft...Delicious..."

"Make it two, and you have a deal." I said, sitting up suddenly.

"Waaagh!" Amy fell, arms flailing off my bed.

Lily smiled. "She'll pay." She assured me. "Let's go!"

--

"Remind me again why I'm here?" I asked Lily. I was spread out on three seats, lying down, counting the clouds. "This is the most boring sport on Earth. Why the hell would anyone in their right mind want to play it?"

Remus laughed. He and Peter were sitting with us in the stands. The game had already gone on for about half an hour, and Gryffindor had 260 to Ravenclaw's 150.

I, however, didn't know the score, and frankly, didn't care.

"You're forgetting which two people are Seeker and Keeper for the Gryffindor team." He reminded me.

"Oh yes." I groaned. "Black and Potter. Joy."

"Well, they both really are rather good." Lily called out, fixed to her binoculars. "Potter just saved another goal...it _just _brushed his fingertips, but he managed to knock it away! Wow!" She said excitedly.

I glanced at Remus.

His face was turned away, but I could tell from his posture that he was unhappy.

"So, um...Amy!" I started, trying to break the sudden silence. "How are you and Black doing?"

She flashed me and odd look, but at my quick gesture towards Remus, understood. "Oh! Um, we're doing fine...there's a Hogsmeade trip this weekend, you know, and he asked me to go!"

I saw Remus look up. He knew what I was doing and flashed me a grateful smile. I sat up, and leaned over the chair to talk to him.

"Thank you." He smiled.

"You're welcome. It can't be...easy, seeing that." I said softly, glancing back towards Lily. She was completely absorbed in the game, her eyes and binoculars following every movement of Potter's.

Amy had already turned back to the game, and was screaming Black's name over and over.

Peter was nowhere to be seen.

Remus's eyes tightened momentarily. Then he sighed. "No, it isn't...easy. But it isn't as hard as you would expect either. I always knew they would be together." He gazed off at Lily, his eyes locked on her figure. Then, with obvious effort, he turned back to face me. "I just wish that it would have happened after I had had my chance."

I couldn't help the sympathy on my face. "I can see why." I turned to face her as well. "But she's not cheating on you." My voice had turned bitter. "At least you can say that much."

I could practically hear Remus's hesitation, but even so, he did it. His hand reached up, pausing for a moment, but descended, onto the arm I had lying across the back of the seat.

I tensed. I couldn't help it. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. But fortunately, Remus kept talking.

"Yes, I suppose I am lucky in that sense." He replied. "But it still hurts, seeing the girl you're practically in love with falling in love with another guy in front of your eyes. Especially your best friend."

I couldn't hold back my small gasp. I turned around to face him, my green eyes searching his deep brown ones. "Remus? You...you like her that much?"

He laughed a bit, slightly mockingly. "Yeah. I do. But she doesn't feel the same for me, and I won't let her stay with me when she doesn't like me in that way."

"Why?" I asked, my tone gentle.

"Because." His grip on my arm tightened momentarily. "She's much too nice of a person to break it off with me as it is. And it's better this way. For all of us." I saw him glance at Potter's figure in the air. He dove, just catching the Quaffle yet again.

I couldn't reply. Remus was a much kinder person than I had thought.

"Hey, Tua, d'you think I should get Sirius something? For doing such a good job, I mean..." Amy trailed off. She had turned around excitedly but the grin on her face had slightly slid when she noticed Remus's hand in mine.

Remus noticed her notice as well. Blushing furiously, he dropped his hand.

Amy raised an eyebrow, turning red in embarrassment.

I couldn't help the cerise that suffused my cheeks too.

Lily turned around from the game and noticed all of our red faces. "Hey, what's wrong? Did something happen?" She asked confusedly.

Amy sighed. "Just go back to your game, Lils." She shook her head in mock disappointment.

Lily rolled her eyes. "It's not _my _ga--Autumn _watch out!!_"

I turned at the panic in her voice, saw something huge and black speeding towards me from the right, something clad in red and gold right behind it, big gray eyes, a thudding impact and then--nothing.

--

I had a pounding headache. It felt like someone was using my head for drumming practice. "Ouch..." I mumbled.

"She's okay!" I heard someone shriek. "Oh god, Lily, she's okay!"

I heard someone let out a breath that sounded like they had been holding it for an hour.

I realized my eyes were still closed. So I opened them. I quickly realized I was in the hospital wing; I had been there plenty of times before due to irreversible pranks.

There were several people grouped around my bed. I had to blink a few times to clear my eyes before I could tell who they were. Lily, Amy, Remus, Potter, Peter, a couple of Ravenclaws I didn't recognize, and Madame Sinatra.

"Here you go, dearie, here you go." Madame Sinatra bustled over, holding a purple bottle and a cup. As she was pouring a thick, sweet smelling potion into the cup, Amy threw herself ontop of me.

"Ow!" I cried.

"Careful!" Madame Sinatra said, still pouring. "She has a couple of broken ribs."

"Oh." Amy sniffled, getting off of me. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I winced. "What happened?"

"You got hit by a stray bludger." Potter said, his voice serious for once.

"One moment you were there laughing, and the next..." Remus shook his head. I noticed his face was pale. I couldn't help the slight feeling of happiness that welled up at the sight of his white face.

"We were so scared." Lily said, shuddering. "I thought you were dead!"

"You just lay there, staring at the sky..." Amy whimpered, obviously re-living the moment. "Your eyes were wide open..."

"Sorry." One of the Ravenclaw's spoke. He was tall and impossibly blond. "I was aiming at another player and it accidentally flew at you." He said ruefully.

"He's an idiot." The other Ravenclaw, a girl, punched him in the shoulder. "No sense of direction. Why he's the Beater is beyond me."

"Please! You couldn't see the snitch to save your life!..." Still quarreling, the two left the ward.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Those two remind me of two particular Gryffindors..."

"Who?" I asked, confused.

Everybody sighed.

"Here you go, dearie!" Madame Sinatra presented me with the cup full of potion. "Now all of you leave, leave her be! She needs her rest, this one does!" She shooed them out of the ward. At their cries of protest, she told them they could come back in a few hours. I saw Amy glance worriedly past me for a moment until she too was shoved out the door.

I sighed and flopped back on the bed. I picked up the cup from where I had set it on the night table and downed the whole thing in one gulp. It tasted alright, not too nasty, especially for a healing potion.

"Make sure to get some rest, dearie!" Madame Sinatra called as she left to her office. "Don't let him stay too long!"

"What?" I asked, confused. "Who?" But she had already closed the door firmly behind her. I shook my head, winced at the pain it caused and turned to the other side.

And promptly had the shock of my life.

"Hey." Black said quietly. "How are you?"

I didn't know whether to be rude or nice. I settled for a neutral reply. "As well as could be expected, I suppose." I grimaced.

We were both silent for a while. I noticed he wasn't looking at me, but at my bandaged ribs. I hadn't realized that my shirt was off, but it didn't really matter since Madame Sinatra had covered my entire chest with bandages anyway. I wondered what he was doing here. Everyone else had left.

He spoke. "I'm sorry."

That threw me. "Eh? For what?"

He still wasn't looking at me. "I couldn't stop the bludger." His voice was still quiet, but it was heavy, as if there was a great amount of guilt weighing it down. "I tried, Autumn, I tried to push you out of the way, but I wasn't fast enough. I'm sorry."

I coudn't reply. I had nothing to say.

"I was so afraid..." He kept going.

Somehow he had gotten ahold of my hand.

I was too shocked to pull away.

"When I saw it coming towards you...I was so incredibly afraid."

His fingers were tracing patterns on my hand.

"And then I saw you, on the ground, blood all over you...I didn't know what to do." He raised his head to look at me then. His gray eyes were troubled. They met my green ones and I found I couldn't look away.

"I stood there. I just stood there, Autumn." He whispered. "Dumbledore came and took you away and I just stood there."

I couldn't breathe. What was he doing to me?

"Then I saw you here, lying so still..." His eyes closed.

He was quiet.

His hand was gripping mine tightly.

Suddenly his eyes flashed open. They were full of terror. "What would I do without you?" He asked me, his voice scared like a little boy's. "What would I do?"

My throat had closed up. I couldn't speak.

He bent over my hand, his head touching my arms. His long black hair covered his face. When he spoke, his lips were against my skin. It tingled.

"I don't know why I even care. Why, why do I care so much?" He raised his head then, face tortured. "I don't love you, I don't even like you, but the thought, just the thought of you in pain...damn."

His face had come closer to mine; our noses could have touched at the slightest lean forward.

Neither of us spoke.

And suddenly, we were kissing. His lips were on mine, and I couldn't feel anything else, one hand was tangled in my hair, the other on my back, pressing me closer to him. I was on fire. He ended up on the bed with me, legs tangled with mine.

"Oh god..." I whispered, when we took a breath. He didn't let me get any farther. His lips crashed down on mine again, furious and angry. They were claiming me, marking me and I didn't want them to stop. I was so close to him I could hear his heartbeat, bumping erratically against mine.

We were on fire.

I don't know how long we would have kept on kissing, if we ever would have stopped, if I hadn't heard the door creak open.

"Hey Tua, I..." I tore my lips from Sirius's with a gasp, turning to face a shocked Amy.

She didn't say anything. I saw her eyes fill with tears, her face crumple, before she dropped the packet of Honeydukes Caramel Chocolate bars she had been holding and fled from the room.

I turned my head back to face Sirius's, both of us horrorstruck.

We were both breathing hard, panting for breath.

"Oh no..." I whispered, my eyes wide.

His big gray eyes were filled with...oh god, they were filled with...revulsion.

Of me.

He jumped off of the bed as though he had been burned, and with final, soft, "Sorry.", he ran from the room as well, chasing after Amy, leaving me.

He left me.

Alone.

It was cold.

It was so, so cold.

Because I was alone.

--

**Oh jeez, someone just kill me now...I have no clue where this came from, I wasn't planning them to kiss for at LEAST another three chapters...and look at what I've done!!  
**

**Crap.**

**Oh well, it fit in okay...**

**Please Review!!  
**

**Fanta-Faerie**


	12. I'll Always Be Your Friend

I was in the hospital wing for another three days; Madame Sinatra absolutely insisted on it. I felt it was a right punishment, and that I deserved every moment of it.

I was the lowest of the lowest of scum. I didn't deserve Amy's friendship. I didn't deserve anything. I lay there in bed for three days, wallowing in my utter shame.

After Black had left, he didn't come back. Not that I expected him to, certainly after what I saw in his eyes. I won't lie, it hurt. A lot. But I wasn't about to dwell on it.

Lily had come to visit me on my second day in the hospital wing, and her face was drawn and tense.

I had been staring at the ceiling, having lost track of any time.

"Autumn?" She called, quietly shutting the door behind her.

I looked up in astonishment. I hadn't expected anyone to come visit me. "I'm over here." Madame Sinatra had moved me to another bed, one in a more secluded area of the ward.

She took a seat next to the bed. I was propped up, my ribs, at least, had healed. "Hey." She said quietly, looking at me.

"Hey." I couldn't look at her. I was too ashamed.

"So..." She trailed off. An awkward silence ensued. "Your ribs are better?" She asked, noticing that I was sitting up.

"Yes, they've healed." I answered, still not looking at her.

We were both silent.

Then she sighed. "Okay, Autumn, cut the crap."

I looked at her in astonishment. Lily never swore. "What?"

"We both know why I'm here." She said wearily. "You were snogging Sirius Black. Amy's boyfriend. The one man on earth you apparently hate."

I flushed.

She looked at me, eyes hooded. "So? Tell me. What happened?"

I was silent. What was I supposed to say?

Lily's expression hardened. "Autumn, I am not happy right now. You were one of Amy's best friends. And you snogged her boyfriend. How could you?"

The accusation in her voice hurt more than any slap she could have given me.

"And after the same thing happened to you a month ago..." She trailed off. She looked at me, and I realized what her expression was.

It was disgust.

Something happened to me right then. I was angry. Out of nowhere, I was angry.

"Do you think that I haven't thought of every single one of these things laying here?" I shouted. I wasn't even looking at her anymore. "Do you think that these thoughts haven't tormented me? Every second of the day, I look back on that...that stupid _kiss, _and I feel like the worst person on earth!"

"Well you should!" Lily shouted back, standing up. "You should go and take a look at Amy right now! Do you know what she's like? No! She's a complete mess! She came back from the hospital wing sobbing her heart out, crying like her heart was broken! And you know what?" She asked me, breathing hard. "It wasn't broken. It had _died. _Died, Autumn, died. The person she trusted most in the world was snogging her boyfriend senseless! What do you think she felt right then? Do you have any idea? Do you?"

I had never seen Lily so distraught.

But I looked at her, my eyes filled with tears. "Yeah." I said softly. "Yeah, I do." I turned my face away from her, looking at the blank wall opposite.

It was silent except for her hard breathing.

Then she spoke"Well, I hope you're happy." She said quietly. "Amy and Sirius broke up. No wonder." She said with a mirthless laugh. "Either way, you're free to have him. Goodbye Autumn. I hope you get better soon." And she left me, left me like so many others had.

I buried my face in my hands.

"What does she think?" I asked aloud, tears falling down my cheeks. "I have no idea, no freaking idea what happened. I hate him, god, how I hate him...but he leaned over and...god...and then the way he looked at me afterwards...I hate him so much, but the revulsion in his eyes..." I started crying harder. "Who the hell can live with that? I wish it had never happened...Damn it all, I wish it had never happened!"

Slowly my sobs subsided. I lay on the bed, my eyes dry.

I didn't know what would happen when I left here.

And I didn't want to know.

--

Two days later, Madame Sinatra released me, telling me to take it easy, and on any pain, to return to the Hospital Wing. Apparently the bludger had done more damage than she had previously thought.

I walked to the dorms slowly; it was the middle of the day and everybody else was in class. I had an excuse for the next period, but I would have to go to Potions in an hour. I walked in to the dorm, for some reason expecting it to look different, but it looked the same.

Nothing had changed here.

Wait. Something had changed. But...what? Then I realized. Lily had always had a bunch of photos pinned to a board beside her bed, and most of the pictures had been of Amy, Lily, and I. Everywhere we went together, she had taken pictures with her muggle camera, so the pictures never moved.

Now all the pictures were gone. Not just the ones with me in it. They were all gone. Nothing, not a single photo sticker, even, remained on her board.

The stab of pain that hit me was much harder than I had expected.

Remus and James had managed to keep their friendship alive.

Amy, Lily and I hadn't.

I couldn't stand staying in the dorms with the pictures absent so I went down to the common room. I could tell that it was mimicking my mood. The fire was out and the place was slightly damp and very chilly. I noticed that it was snowing.

The first snow of the year.

I flopped down in one of the overstuffed armchairs and sighed. Potions was going to be painful.

Just under an hour later, I trod heavily back upstairs to get my book bag and things and made my way down to the dungeons.

People slowly started filling up the hallway, and I was shot quite a few odd looks, standing next to the door, clutching my books to my chest, not meeting any eyes.

Slughorn opened the door after a moment, and I walked in, head still down and took my place at my desk. Students slowly started filling up the room, and a few stopped by and asked how I was doing, if I was alright.

I smiled wanly and replied that I was fine, the bludger hadn't hit me too hard, ect. ect. I realized that though everyone knew of Amy and Sirius's breakup no one knew the reason, and for that, I was thankful.

I knew that it wasn't for my sake that the word hadn't been spread, but for Amy's. No one needed to know that Sirius had cheated on her.

Then the door opened again. I looked up. I stiffened. Lily, Amy, Remus and Peter walked in. I saw Lily glance around, laughing. Then she saw me and the smile abruptly slid from her face.

"Hey, come on, class is about to start." She said, turning away from me, facing them.

She didn't look at me again.

Remus caught sight of me, and the sympathetic look on his face made me want to punch something, really, really hard. I knew perfectly well that I deserved no sympathy, I was lower than dirt. And besides that, I wanted no pity.

But I was glad, happier than I would have thought, that there was at least one person that didn't hate me. As he passed, Remus bent down and whispered quickly, "Hey. You alright?"

I smiled up at him, genuine warmth in my smile. "Yes. I'm fine."

He smiled again, before taking his seat next to Amy.

She hadn't looked at me the whole time.

I turned around, chest hollow, and copied down the instructions Slughorn had already placed on the board.

Suddenly the door burst open and James Potter came running into the room.

"S...sorry, Professor!" He panted between breaths. "Ran...all the way...from tower..."

"Only you?" Slughorn asked, eyebrows raised. "Where is Mister Black?"

I could feel my stomach dropping.

"Right here, Professor!" I heard his voice call.

I closed my eyes in despair. What was he going to say? I heard him make his way over to our desk, and I could tell when he caught sight of me. He paused, and the tension in the air was practically tangible.

I saw Amy's shoulders tense.

But he pulled out the chair and sat next to me, a normal distance away.

I was surprised, and, well, slightly hurt. Was he going to pretend that nothing happened?

No, I found out. No, he wasn't.

I had already gathered our ingredients, and, hesitantly for the first time in my life, I asked Sirius to pass the Newts Blood. With a flick of his wrist, he slid it across, with him barely even touching it.

We finished our potion in complete silence, and the result was another congealing mass, a definite D, we both knew.

When class was over, I gathered up my things and practically ran from the room. That was when I realized that it was now lunch time.

I dropped my things off in the dorms first, grabbing my Charms things instead, and slowly made my way to the Great Hall. I walked in and was about to sit with Lily and Amy as usual, before I remembered that I probably wouldn't be welcome there. I found an empty seat between a group of giggling girls and sat and ate.

I had never felt quite so left out as I did at that moment.

However, barely ten minutes after I had sat, Remus came over and took the seat in front of me.

"Hey." He smiled.

I couldn't help the huge grin that covered my face at his presence. "Thanks." Then my face dropped. "But you don't have to do this. Sirius won't be happy, and neither will Lily and Amy."

"Oh, didn't you know?" He asked me, helping himself to a piece of my sandwich. "Lily and I aren't together any longer."

"What?" I asked, bewildered. "You aren't?"

"Yes." He said. His face had turned slightly sad. "She wouldn't break up with me, like I told you, so I had to do it. She's in love with James." He said, glancing over at her. "She loves him. And he loves her. I can't be the one between them."

I could read the intense sadness in his eyes. "I'm sorry." I said, laying a hand across his arm.

With obvious effort, he pulled himself together. "No, it's fine." He said with a sad attempt at a smile. "It's fate, after all."

I turned to look at James. He was laughing. "I suppose." I said quietly. I saw Sirius smile back. But I could tell that it was forced. "But sometimes...sometimes fate isn't right. Sometimes fate can be wrong."

I turned back to face Remus. He was looking at me intently. "You didn't kiss Sirius, did you?" He asked suddenly. "He kissed you first." It wasn't a question.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and grabbed a fork. "It doesn't matter, Remus." I told him. "Who started it is irrelevant. I kissed him back. And that's all that matters." I swallowed a piece of meat.

He was silent. "Well, you know, the Christmas Ball is coming up." He said, trying unsuccesfully to turn my mind from the topic.

I couldn't help but smile at his attempt. "Oh, really? I had forgotten." I really had forgotten, it was never anything very special to me. Only fifth years and older were allowed to go, and last year had been a total bust, for some Hufflepuff had spiked the drinks, and the entire Ball was shut down three hours early.

"Well, since Lily and I aren't going together..." Remus figiteded. "I was wondering if you would like to go with me."

There was a sudden ache in my chest at his words. "I'm sorry, Remus, but I don't think that's a very good idea. I don't really want to go, anyway."

I saw that he had expected this answer. He stood up. "Well, if you change your mind, I'm not going with anyone else. Okay?" He smiled, and let go of my hand. Then, as if it was an afterthought, he bent down. "And, just so you know, I'll always be your friend." He smiled one last time and left.

I forcefully stabbed a tomato slice. I looked up at Lily and Amy. They were both silent, eating, not talking.

But as I looked, Amy glanced up and over as well, and she met my gaze.

"I'm sorry." I said, whispering it so quietly that not even the girl beside me would have heard.

Her eyes were dull, completely lifeless. I now understood what Lily had been trying to tell me.

She turned back to her food, and ate, not looking up again.

I stared down at my plate as well.

I noticed a single bean on one side of the plate, away from the pile on the other.

I felt extremely sorry for that little bean. I moved it to the pile. But another, different bean slid out in it's place.

No matter how hard I tried, I could never get all those beans in one little pile, and I couldn't help but wonder if for one to stay, another must leave.

--

"Do you realize what you're doing to her?" Remus punched the wall forcefully. "Padfoot, you idiot, do you?"

"What'd you _mean_?" Sirius yelled, angry. "D'you have any idea what's going on in my head? I hate her, I don't like her! And I kissed her! Moony," Sirius clambered off the bed and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Moony, I have _never _kissed someone like that! Not a single girl! So why the hell AUTUMN, of all people? Can you tell me?" His gray eyes were wild, searching Remus's cold brown ones.

"No, I can't." He said coldly. "They're your feelings. Not mine. But do you know what she's going through? She has no one, Padfoot, no one. Nobody is talking to her. Her best friends won't even _look _at her. You, you're in the best situation out of all three!"

"I-" He started, but Remus cut him off.

"Shut up, Padfoot. She thinks she disgusts you."

"I'm not disgusted with her! Not with Autumn or Amy!" Sirius yelled. "It's me, Remus, it's ME! I don't like her, and I snogged her! I have a girlfriend, but I snogged my worst enemy! I'm an idiot!"

"Yes, you are." Remus said. "But this is something that I can't help you with, this is your problem. Fix it." He wrenched his hangings shut.

Sirius stared at the closed, forbidding curtains in disbelief. "Fix it, he says. How can I fix it when I don't even know anything about it?" He yelled.

He got no answer.

With a strangled noise, he climbed back into bed and lay there, staring at the ceiling, his only company his confused emotions.

--

**Aaagh, crappy chapter, I know...I wasn't quite sure how to portray everyone's emotions, and it just turned out into a big mess, you know? Sorry...but please review anyway!**

**Fanta-Faerie  
**


	13. Fate Was Finally Right

The rest of November and the first week of December passed in a similar manner. The only person that would talk to me was Remus; everyone else acted like I didn't exist.

I would pass Lily and Amy in the hall, and it was as if they didn't see me. They would both stare right through me, laughing and joking together.

Amy had seemed to become much better as time passed. She became much more animated, and was acting a lot more like herself. Or, at least, that's how it appeared to those who didn't know her well.

I though, had known her for six years, had known her deepest secrets and fears, and I could easily tell that she wasn't even close to over what had happened. Her eyes had never lost that dull, lifeless look, no matter how alive her face would seem. She would laugh one moment, seemingly happy, but the moment attention turned from her, her face would resume the look I had seen that first week everything had occurred.

She was one out of two of my best friends, and her pain was my pain, and I couldn't stand to see her in the state she was.

But what could I do?

Even if I had wanted to, Lily would never let me near her.

I knew from experience. Lily was a tigress, mild when the time needed, but the moment her cubs, her friends, were threatened, she showed her power. I had always thought her patronus was the wrong animal; she was a very sweet person, but she was also incredibly strong, no doubt the strongest out of us three.

Sirius seemed different as well. I had noticed that the Marauders pranks had decreased, not only in number but in originality and amusement. The pranks were coming to resemble Amy: dull, lifeless. And it was affecting all four Marauders. James's smile had become strained, Remus was tense and Peter seemed more nervous than ever.

However, it was obvious that they were still as close as they had been in the beginning of the year.

I had never realized, or had never chosen to accept that my relationship with my best friends was so much weaker, though, I had thought, more honest, than that of the Marauders.

Remus was my sole support for that length of time, and without him, I don't know what would have happened to me. I might have faded away, become like one of the ghosts that so haunted the school. Even with him, I knew that my resemblance to them was shocking.

I had lost whatever red I had had in my face, my eyes had also lost their shine. My pale skin had become almost translucent, and I knew that my face looked sunken. I hadn't bothered with any cream or beauty products and and I looked completely and utterly unlike myself.

I had changed.

I wasn't the fiery, outspoken person I had been at the beginning of the year, and I doubted that I ever would be again.

Perhaps that was for the better.

Perhaps it wasn't.

Either way, everything happened that second week of December, and it had started with the official announcement of the Christmas Ball.

It was during dinner on a Wednesday night; Dumbledore stood up and announced that the Ball would be held next Friday, the night before trains left for home, starting at six p.m. It was for fifth years and up, and everybody was welcome. It was a formal event, boys had to wear either dress robes or suits/tuxedos, and girls were required to wear either skirts and blouses or dresses. Nothing, of course, above the knee.

Even though Remus had asked me to go with him, I still wasn't planning on going. I had no reason to. If I went, who would I talk to? Who would I dance with? I couldn't spend the entire night with Remus; he, at least, had plenty of other friends. And I had to get everyone gifts for the holidays anyway, and I had been thinking to spend the night wrapping up gifts.

After a long time of thinking, I decided to give everyone gifts as I normally would. I knew that the gap between the people I loved and me would not close, but I hoped that this would shorten it, make it possible, perhaps, to cross.

So, for the first time in months, I made my way to Hogsmeade that Saturday. I hadn't gone since the last time with Kevin, and the old feelings of pain returned with a jolt.

It was freezing, and I hadn't had the foresight to wear very thick clothes that morning. I had clambered out of bed much earlier than any of the other girls in my dorm, and had hurried down to breakfast. I grabbed a piece of toast and started my walk to Hogsmeade. Unfortunately, all I had been wearing were jeans and a thin, long-sleeved shirt with my cloak.

I huddled under the cloak, holding it close to my body to keep the warmth in, but it didn't help much; I was cold. As I trudged through the streets thick with white snow, I passed by that small store Kevin and I had been to, Forever After. Rings shone brightly in the window, next to a collection of necklaces and bracelets.

I found a copy of the necklace Kevin had bought me and I could help but look at it with sadness. Much as I claimed not to, I had liked Kevin quite a bit, more than what was perhaps healthy.

More than what the git deserved, that was for sure.

Angrily, I turned away from the store, shaking my head as if to shake out the horrible thoughts in it. However, I knew that those memories would stay with me forever, casting doubts on any future romantic relationships I would have.

So how would Amy be?

My breath hitched as I realized that she would be even more so haunted than me, as it was her former best friend that had been cheating with her boyfriend.

But I had presents to get.

I didn't have much money, only what I had gotten by working over the summer. Muggle money, yes, but my mother had taken it to be converted to wizarding gold two days before school started, so my grand total was thirty two gallons, five sickles and three knuts.

I wouldn't be able to afford the rich presents that Amy always gave, coming from a wealthy wizarding family, but it would be enough. First, something for Amy, Lily and Mummy.

I knew that there was a small clothing store at the end of the first block of Hogsmeade, and it was to there I headed first. Inside, I shook off the snow and started searching. Half an hour later, I had something for all three. I had bought Mum a pretty, soft pink scarf with snowflakes literally dancing across it, Lily: a thin gold chain with a cherry shaped pendant that gave off a real cherry scent to whomever wore it, and Amy, a silver bracelet that changed shapes to fit whatever mood the wearer was in. All of that cost me twenty five gallons and three knuts.

After that, I skipped across the street to another small shop, and bought Remus a leather watch that quite literally 'told' time. Henry was a little harder, he was ten, turning eleven in March, and would be coming to Hogwarts in a year. He considered himself quite the grown up, but I knew perfectly well that he still loved Barney.

So I figured that a bag of tricks from Zonkos would, er, do the 'trick'. Judging by his mischievous smile, he would be the next generation of Marauders in his year.

I had just enough money to buy me a butterbeer and perhaps a chocolate bar, so I made my way to the Three Broomsticks, still freezing in the cold. I had quite a few bundles clutched to my chest, and the streets were slowly filling up with people from Hogwarts and elsewhere.

I had been relying on my sense of direction to take me to The Three Broomsticks, for I couldn't see with all my bags pressed up against my face.

So it wasn't much of a surprise when I tripped and fell onto the slushy ground, in the middle of an alley shortcut. In our third year, Amy, Lily and I had discovered many of these shortcuts that would take us to the most crucial places we wanted to visit. Not only were they a faster route to shops, but they also kept out quite a bit of the rain and snow from hitting us.

There usually weren't people in these alleys, but it was just my bad luck that when I fell, there _were _people, five men, to be exact.

"Clumsy me." I laughed nervously, brushing my hair out of my face. "I knew I should have just gotten back to the school." I got to my feet and started to pick up the bags that had fallen from my arms.

"Aw, you don't need to go back so soon." One of the men said. He detached himself from the group and walked over to me. "You should stay and have some fun."

I was no idiot, I knew I had to get away from there, and fast. But I wasn't about to leave all my purchases on the ground; I had spent good money on them.

"That's okay." I said, hurriedly grabbing a few more packages. "I'm soaked through and freezing, I've got to get back to school."

Another man walked over. "But we want to have some fun." He said, glancing back at the rest of them. "And we want you to have some fun with us. We can warm you right up..."

I grabbed the last package and stood up. I cursed myself internally for not bringing my wand; I was a complete fool. "I'd really rather not, but thanks for the offer anyway!" I started to hurry down the alley, the same way I had come; it was a faster way to civilization than the other.

I had just enough of a warning to jump the other way when a man cried, _"Petrificus totalus!" _as a bolt of red light came speeding towards me.

I started to run. But with all of my things, it was impossible for me to outrun them, and in another second, I had dropped to the ground, not because I had been hit by a spell, but because I had once again slid and fallen.

"Damn." I muttered to myself. I looked up, wiping the snow from my face, and with a sinking heart, saw that all five men had formed a circle around me, and all of them had wands.

I had no idea how I was going to get out of this mess.

With another spell, my arms and legs were bound with rope and I was pushed up against the wall.

"Let go of me." I said calmly, but my heart was beating a mile a minute. And not in a good way.

"Why?" One asked. "This is fun. And trust me, you'll have a lot of...fun as well." The rest of them laughed at his crude joke. He traced a hand down my arm.

I wanted to throw up.

I struggled, as hard as I could, and then I started to scream, but with I was quickly silenced, first with a blow to the face, and then with a charm.

I couldn't help the tears that had started to drip down my face; he had caught me on the side of my head, and I had seen stars. And I couldn't help but think that I just might not get out of this.

Another spell and my shirt had been ripped open, and I tried once again to scream, but no sound escaped me.

"Relax, babe, it's all good. We'll let you go when this is done." One of them leered, grinning with yellow teeth.

"Oh yeah, we'll 'let you go' alright." Another chuckled mockingly.

I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop the look of fear I knew they wanted from crossing my face. They were planning on killing me!

One of them moved closer and I struggled, trying to break free, but I knew it wouldn't work. A hand reached up, and started to descend, a face came close, hairy lips searching for mine, while another hand held my head stiff.

The tears were pouring faster now, and I couldn't stop them, I was scared.

I closed my eyes, but even so, I saw the flash of yellow light, and the shout, "AUTUMN!!"

My eyes flashed open, searching for the gray eyes I knew would accompany that voice.

And suddenly, the head in front of me disappeared. It vanished.

Sirius had drawn him a blow so hard that that man's entire body lifted up from the ground and went sprawling into the snow behind him.

I saw blood trickling down the side of his face.

"Sirius!" I tried to scream, seeing the fist coming down from the back, but the silencing charm was still on me, and I couldn't make a sound.

However another hand whipped out and uttered a spell, and that man was stunned, on the ground, stiff as a board.

James, Remus and Peter came running into view, each with a wand out and at the ready.

And the duel began.

Lights were flashing, spells being thrown, blood was flying and I, I was still pinned to the wall, utterly helpless and hating every moment of it.

Suddenly there was someone scrabbling with the ropes around my hands, and Sirius was in front of me, his gray eyes desperate as he undid the ropes. With another swish of his wand, the silencing spell was broken, and I could cry for real.

He quickly unpinned me from the wall with another spell and I fell, straight into his arms.

"Oh god, Autumn..." He whispered, stroking my hair, holding me up. I was on the verge of collapse; I hadn't realized how weak I had become in those horrible weeks.

Then he threw me into the snow behind him, a soft fall, and he was dueling as well. Within another few moments, the tide had turned, and another man was down, petrified. One more fell, stunned, and the last was backed up against a wall, dueling to the very end.

But then he screamed the last spell any of us expected, he screamed, "_Accio!" _and pointed his wand at _me._ I was pulled to him by the magical force, and he grabbed me by the neck.

"One spell and the girl dies." He said, breathing hard. One hand was holding me up from the ground by the neck; he was strangling me.

All four of them stopped, halted in their tracks. Fear was evident in Sirius's eyes. "Let her go." He said, his voice breaking slightly.

"No way." The man cackled. "Now put your wands down, yeah, right there on the ground, and walk away. Yeah, that's it. You, get away!" He cried, as Sirius moved a step forward. He clutched my throat tighter.

Everything was going black.

I don't know where that last burst of strength came from, if it was the only reason I had been placed in Gryffindor, but suddenly, I lifted my arm and elbowed him, as hard as I could in the stomach.

"Ooof!" His breath whooshed out of his body, his grip on me loosened, and I fell on the ground in a heap. Quick as a flash, Remus grabbed his wand and stunned him, and Sirius was next to me, gripping me and holding me to him tightly.

I was dizzy and disoriented; my near brush with death had made its' mark. I realized I was clutching the front of Sirius robes, but I didn't let go.

"Hey." He said softly, his eyes searching my face. When they landed on the bruise I knew was forming on the side of my head, they tightened. He lifted a hand from where he was holding me and lightly brushed against it.

I flinched away.

He pressed me even closer to him. "It's okay. You're safe now. It'll be okay." He whispered into my ear.

I couldn't help but laugh softly. He seemed startled. My hands found their way around his neck. "You think I don't know that now?" I asked him, in a whisper. "You're here. Why wouldn't I be safe?"

I was only half conscious as I spoke, and obviously I was also delusional, for I never would have said something like that to any boy, much less Sirius Black.

But even so, I_ had_ said it, and he replied. "I should have gotten here sooner." He said, his tone edging on despair. "I should have been faster."

I snorted. "Black, shut up." I could feel him smiling into my shoulder. A hand was rubbing my back in slow circles.

"Mmkay." I couldn't help but smile as well, as I closed my eyes.

I could dimly hear the others talking, but at that moment I didn't care. I was barely awake as Sirius picked me up and started to carry me to the school.

When McGonagall saw the five of us she gasped and went running for Dumbledore. I'm sure we were a sight, James with a bloody lip and a bruise slowly forming on his neck, Peter with a limp and a black eye, Remus with blood flowing from a cut on his arm, face pale, and Sirius, a gash on his temple, carrying me, half my face purple and black with bruises, my shirt ripped open and half asleep.

Sirius took me straight up to the hospital wing, not waiting for any other professors to come down and say so themselves.

Madame Sinatra took one look at the both of us and practically tied us down to the beds, promising to be back in a few moments with some healing spells and potions.

I was falling asleep when James, Remus and Peter also walked into the hospital wing. They had told Dumbledore what had happened from when they arrived and were now being treated for their injuries.

But all I heard was Sirius's voice, calming me and telling me to sleep.

So I slept, his hand entwined with mine, feeling as if something had finally clicked, as if something was finally okay.

As if fate had finally become right.

--

**Woah, weirdo chapter...the end was slightly weird, as was the content for the chapter, but eh, I dunno...I feel like I'm losing my touch, you know?? This is my longest chapter ever...**

**Well, review anyway, please!!  
**

**Fanta-Faerie**

**P.S.-I've written another one-shot!! Greatly obliged if you'd read that too!!**


	14. Pity

I started to eat with them. The Marauders. Suddenly, they were my friends. I would always sit next to Remus, though, and across from Sirius.

It was odd, I suppose, how it happened. The day after the Hogsmeade disaster, I walked down to breakfast and sat down, the same as usual. Barely ten minutes later, all four of the Marauders walked in, and instead of going to their usual table, they came and sat down next to me.

Not that I talked to them. I would exchange the occasional word with Remus, a couple of times with Peter, maybe once with James, but never, never with Sirius.

Neither of us were exactly sure what had happened, and I, for one, didn't want to remember what I had said to him that Hogsmeade Saturday.

Of course, gossip spreads pretty quickly around any school, and with my purple and black face, and all the other bruises and cuts on the Marauders, gossip spread even quicker. Somehow, every single person in the school seemed to know exactly what had happened that day, even though I knew that neither the Marauders nor I had told a single person.

I suspected the teachers.

But in class, I would find at least one of the Marauders next to me; I was never alone any longer. I was grateful, extremely grateful, but I did notice the toll it was taking on Lily and Amy's own friendship with the Marauders.

"You know, this really isn't necessary." I said to Remus one day, as we were walking to Transfiguration.

"What isn't?" He asked distractedly.

"You don't need to stick with me. Lily's obviously just starting to realize that she actually likes James, and I really shouldn't be the one to ruin that."

Now his attention was fully on me. "Autumn, I am your friend. I will not dump you because James's love life isn't working out the way he wanted it to. And besides," He said with a wan smile. "My name wasn't in that sentence, so it shouldn't concern me."

I knew, of course, that he was just saying that to be nice; James was practically his brother, and he would do whatever he could to get Lily for him.

What I couldn't understand was why all four of the Marauders, especially James, were giving up on so many other things to help me, of all people. Sirius and I had been fighting since practically the day we walked into Hogwarts, and I had never been quite nice to any of the other Marauders either.

Yet, for some reason, they were helping me. It was extremely odd.

Then again, life is odd.

My life was a testimony to that.

All of this went on for the next week, and the week itself seemed unusually long for me. Soon enough, it was Thursday night, and I was sitting in the common room with James, both of us trying to finish our Potions essay.

"What is _wrong _with Slughorn?" James grumbled, leaning back in his chair. "He's supposed to be an easy teacher!"

I couldn't help but agree with him. Define the twelve magical uses of chicken teeth and where they can be found? The book, first of all, only listed six, and was the last part a trick question, or what? Shouldn't chicken teeth be found in a chicken?

"Chicken teeth aren't found in a chicken, Autumn." Remus said, walking up to us and reading over my shoulder. "They're actually found in a snake's liver."

"Okay, what idiot made up the name?" I asked him, frustrated. "Chicken teeth? Chickens don't even _have _teeth!"

"Exactly." Remus smiled at me.

"And I suppose Mister Prefect over here has already finished his Potion's essay, huh?" I asked him, a playful smile on my face.

"Yes, Mister Prefect has, in fact." He smiled back.

I couldn't resist flicking my quill at him.

I didn't realize that there was quite so much ink on it. The ink spattered all over his face, but the look of surprise was well worth it.

"Why you--!" Then he grabbed me and started to tickle me. I couldn't help but shriek, and I fell on the ground.

James was watching all of this with an odd expression on his face, one that was a cross between amusement and despair.

A few minutes later, we both lay on the ground, exhausted.

"Okay, up we go." Remus got to his feet and held out a hand to me. I laughed, and took it. But as I grabbed his hand, I saw something gray out of the corner of my eye.

I looked up, met Sirius Black's gaze, and tumbled back to the ground. We locked eyes for a long moment, and I could hear James and Remus asking me if I was alright, but that was background music, his eyes were what I was listening to. I could see the confusion, hear the question he was asking me, why exactly, Remus's arms were around me, trying to pick me up.

The accusation in his eyes automatically made me shrug off Remus. He stopped talking and stepped back from me. My concentration on Sirius broke, and I looked up at Remus. I caught him giving Sirius a quick glance, and a flash of hurt crossing his face, but it was gone as quickly as it had come, and he laughed it off.

"Don't you need a hand, Autumn?" He asked me with a smile.

"Sure." I grabbed his hand and climbed to my feet. I thanked him, and when I turned around, Sirius was making his way towards us.

"Twelve uses of Chicken's teeth?" He asked, picking up James's half finished essay. "Aren't they found in a snake's liver?"

I couldn't help the glare I directed at him. Even Sirius Black knew more than I did! But the glare ended up softening at the confused look on his face. "James?" He asked. "What does this say?"

James grabbed his scroll back and looked through what Sirius was pointing at. "It _says, _the third use for Chicken's teeth is creating a potion so flammable that it's..." They retreated to the fireplace, discussing the essay.

"Nerds." I said, rolling my eyes with a smile and turning to Remus.

He laughed, but he soon turned serious. "Autumn...I was wondering, did you think any more on that offer I gave you a week ago?"

"Hmmm?" I asked him, watching the two Marauders. I didn't realize that I was smiling softly at their rambunctious playings.

"You know, how I asked you if you wanted to go to the ball with me?"

Suddenly my full attention was on him. "Oh? Sorry, Remus, my answer is still the same, I really have no reason to go. Besides' the ball's tomorrow night and I don't have a dress or anything."

"A dress shouldn't be too hard to find." He told me, his eyes oddly flickering. Their gaze on me was intense. "I really want you to come with me, Autumn."

I sighed. What could I do? After all the help he and his friends had given me over the past week, I couldn't refuse the one thing he wanted from me. "Okay, fine, Remus. I'll come to the ball."

"With me." He checked, a smile starting to grow on his face.

"With you." I reassured him, a smile starting on my face as well.

"Great! I'll meet you down here at five thirty then?" He asked.

"Yeah. That's fine." I smiled at him.

"Hey, what's all the fun going on over here about?" James popped up beside us, Sirius behind him.

"I just convinced Autumn to go to the dance." Remus grinned at him.

"Oh really?" James muttered, glancing quickly at Sirius. "With you?"

The atmosphere in the room suddenly changed. There was tension in the air, and I didn't know what had caused it. "Yes. With me." Remus said through gritted teeth.

James and Remus seemed to be having a silent battle between them, but it was apparent that, whatever the battle had been about, Remus had won. James shoulders slumped slightly, but he turned to Sirius and said, in an obviously falsely cheery voice, "Hey, Padfoot, fancy a game of chess?"

"Sure Prongs." He replied.

"Okay guys, I think I've got to go turn in for the night..." I trailed off, catching sight of Sirius's hard look in my direction. But I quickly shook it off and started climbing the stairs.

"Hey." I heard James call from the common room. I looked down. "Good luck." He said, his face inscrutable. I was about to ask him what I needed the luck for, but I suddenly found Sirius's eyes locked to mine.

They were hard, filled with sadness, relief, and something that I couldn't name. But, filled though they might have been, they were empty.

Empty of everything.

I fled the room, running to the dorms and slammed the door shut, ignoring the cries of the other girls around me.

--

It was five o'clock, Friday night, and I still didn't have anything to wear. I lay on my bed, trying hard not to listen to the meaningless chatter of the girls around me.

But there were two voices I couldn't block from my ears.

"Amy, you look _fine_." I heard Lily say exasperatedly. "Paul won't be able to stay away."

"But my hair!!" She moaned, tugging at a lock piled on her head.

"Looks great." Lily said firmly. "Now go and get your shoes, they're in the common room; an owl dropped them off earlier this evening."

I heard the door shut as she left, and I screwed my eyes up tight so the water that had started to leak from my eyes wouldn't be noticeable.

I could hear Kimberly Ann in the bathroom, primping as she put on her makeup. Lily was obviously at the mirror, inspecting her emerald green dress on her, as I could hear the swishing noise of her dress as she turned.

"Autumn, aren't you getting dressed?" Nayu asked me, emerging from the bathroom in a light blue baby doll dress.

"Can't." I told her, opening my now dry eyes and staring at the ceiling, my arms behind my head.

"What?" She asked, confused. "Why?"

"I don't have anything to wear."

"But aren't you going with Remus Lupin?" She asked me, fixing an earring to her ear, staring at me quizzically.

"Yes, I am." I replied, with the same short tone as before.

She seemed to realize that I didn't exactly want to talk about anything at the moment so she retreated, once again, into the bathroom.

There was a long, quiet pause.

I heard someone sigh, a trunk open and the rustle of material. Something cool and soft was suddenly draped over my bare legs.

My eyes opened in surprise. Lily was standing over my bed, her eyes averted. "Mother sent you a dress as well." She stated. "She bought them for Amy, me, and...you."

I realized that she hadn't told her mother about our estrangement.

"I didn't know you didn't have a dress, so I didn't bother giving it to you...but...whatever. Just take it." She sighed and walked away.

I noticed that it was red, but that was all. "I don't need your pity." I told her quietly, sitting up, crushing a corner of the dress in a fist. She paused, a hand on the door.

"Pity?" She asked the door. "Pity for what?"

I brought my gaze to her back. "For anything. Whatever it is that you feel pity for me for." I told her.

She turned to face me then, and didn't flinch when our gazes met. "It's not pity that I feel for you." She said, her voice quiet as well. "It's sorrow. I'm sad, Autumn, that you could hurt Amy like that. But this ball has nothing to do with you, Amy, or Black. So take the dress, and go meet Remus. Don't hurt him as well."

And she left.

I stared at the door for a long time after that, thinking nothing. I couldn't think. The other girls finished dressing and left as well, walking down to meet their dates.

And I still stared, still looked at that brown door, that simple door, that so many had touched. How many stories did it have to tell? I wondered. How many conversations had it heard, how many people had leaned against it, seeking solace?

Then I turned to look at the dress, which I was still clutching. I laid it down and smoothed it out. It was beautiful. And it was perfect for me; Mrs. Evans always knew things such as these.

I sighed to myself. Then I slowly got up and slipped the dress on, pressing it firmly down. I turned to the mirror. It was a knee-length, as opposed to Lily's floor length, and a deep blood red. It was like a strapless, except, where the silk material ended on my chest, a see through gossamer started. The gossamer tightened down my arms, all the way and went all the way up to my neck as well. The silk was tight around my waist, just enough, and flared into a ring at my hips, layers of red chiffon underneath it. There was a small darker red sash tied around it, pinned at the side with a crystal sphere, the ends of the sash extending and swaying with the dress right to where it ended.

Mrs. Evans knew me well.

I was late, I knew, so I hadn't much time to do anything very fancy with my hair. I simply pulled it into a high, loose bun, leaving tendrils to frame my face. I pulled on a pair of red, high heeled shoes, left for me by Lily, and stood up. I didn't bother with any jewelry or makeup, except for a touch of eyeliner and a hint of mascara.

I wasn't perfect, in looks or otherwise, but it would do. Keeping in mind to send Mrs. Evans a thank you note when I got back, I left the room, pausing for a moment with a hand on the doorknob, my eyes closed.

Then I left as well, left the room, leaving it with no one behind me.

I walked slowly down the stairs, not really expecting Remus to still be there, as it was already five past six, but he was, sitting in the biggest armchair by the fire.

"I'm sorry I'm late." I said, walking up behind him.

He turned around, a huge smile starting on his face. "I didn't expect you to come."

"Would I stand up a friend?" I asked him teasingly.

He laughed and held out an arm. I took it, and we walked to the ball by ourselves; the halls echoingly empty.

Perhaps this would be the night everything changed.

Perhaps.

--

**Oooh, I know you guys hate me right now, ending it right there...the thing is, so much is going to happen at the ball (Mwhahaha) that I can't put it in this chapter, because it would be WAAAY too long!! So, yeah, this one IS kinda short, but whatev, whatev...sorry for the delay, I was DEAD sick. I mean it, I looked like a zombie. Well, I'm still kind of sick, but I just can't stay away from here, it calls to me...woooo...**

**As you can see, I'm also doped up on medications...**

**But please Review, guys!! Thanks!!**

**Fanta-Faerie**


	15. Chandelier

We paused before the big, double doors, and I could hear my heart pounding wildly underneath my dress.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea." I murmured to Remus, clutching his arm.

"Why?" He asked me, genuinely confused.

"Well, let's review." I said sarcastically. "One: Other than you, I have no friends. Two: I never really wanted to go to this thing in the first place. Three: I'm wearing a borrowed dress. Four: We're almost thirty minutes late. And, the crowning reason? _I'm going with Remus Lupin, one of the most wanted bachelors in Hogwarts._ Reasons enough?" I asked him, my eyes wide, head cocked mockingly.

He stared at me in surprise for a moment before he started laughing.

"What?" I asked him, irritated. "What's so funny?"

"I don't think I've ever heard you snap at someone other than Sirius before." He chuckled. Then he turned serious. But it's a good sign, Autumn. Maybe you're turning back to who you used to be."

Before I could ask him what he meant, he leaned over, and with a quick smile, pushed open the doors.

I was practically blinded by the bright lights in front of us, the room had been completely transformed. The theme was pure, icy, white. There were thick streamers, made of _snow_, hanging from the ceiling and decorating the walls, waving in a nonexistent breeze, there were small white fairies fluttering between huge, floating papery balls with candles inside them, creating shadows that darted along the dance floor.

Small, circular tables covered in thick white tablecloths were arranged around a large space set aside for dancing, and each table had eight seats, also covered in thick white cloth, set around it. There was a different white flower in a thin, clear, vase in the center of each table, a rose, an orchid, a lily...

There was a soft covering of snow around each of the sitting areas, but it was easy to see that the snow was not cold, but instead, warm, as there were people sitting in it, piling it around themselves, without shivering.

And then, in the center of the dance floor, there was the biggest chandelier I had ever seen, revolving slowly over the few dancers. It was made entirely of what was obviously the finest crystal, and had soft flurries of snow slowly collecting on the twined arches. It had candles, dimmed to almost darkness, settled on each point, sending little twinkles across the hall.

It was the most magnificent sight I had ever seen.

But as I was gaping at the scene, everyone else was gaping at _us. _It was only when I heard Remus clear his throat meaningfully, that I, startled, realized that almost every eye was upon us.

I couldn't help the flush that suffused my unusually pale cheeks.

"Come on." He murmured to me under his breath. He gently tugged me down the steps, his arm in mine. I couldn't look up, I was much too mortified.

This was much worse than the dragon dung.

We reached the bottom of the stairs in a few moments, and, despite the silence that still surrounded the hall, Remus started to speak.

"Shall we get drinks?" He asked me, his voice slightly loud.

I was about to nod a quick yes, utterly embarrassed, but, suddenly, I didn't care. Why should I care what these other people thought? No matter how I acted tonight, their view of me wouldn't change, and I shouldn't quite care if it did or didn't.

So I lifted my head, and glanced around at the whispering crowd, and said in a voice that was just as, if not louder, loud as Remus's, "Yes, I _do _think I'd fancy some punch right about now."

I saw his mouth quirk up at a corner, as if he was trying hard not to smile, but he led me through the readily parting crowd to the long, ice covered table set up in a corner of the hall. Soon enough, chattering started up again, and it was if our entrance had never occurred.

I leaned against the table, sipping the oddly dark blue punch, as Remus left to get the both of us some absolutley delicous looking cookies. My eyes skimmed the crowd, searching for three people in particular.

I quickly found Amy, dressed in a soft, baby, pink that went beautifully with her dark brown hair. She was on the dance floor with Paul Peters, both of them dancing to the music that was floating out from, seemingly, the walls. She looked as if she was having fun, but I noticed the still dull shade to her eyes, even from the distance I was from her.

I tilted my head to search for Lily, and she wasn't too hard to pick out, as I knew what she was wearing. She was sitting at a table, smiling, next to a dark haired boy whose face I couldn't see. Her blazing red hair was piled on her head, and many had never seen her so dressed up, especially at school. I noticed quite a few boys furtively peeking at her slender figure while their own dates had their back turned. I couldn't help the smile that started on my face. Lily would never notice that half the male population of Hogwarts was in love with her.

I was about to turn, to look for the next person I wanted to see, but someone suddenly touched my elbow. I turned, startled, and met the gray eyes I had been looking for.

"Autumn." Sirius said, inclining his head slightly.

"Sirius?" I asked him, wondering why he would want to talk to me. He was dressed in a black suit, coupled with a red tie, his eyes oddly serious. "Is something the matter?"

"No, I just saw you here and figured that you needed someone to talk to." He told me hastily, shrugging.

I raised my eyebrows slightly but made no comment. "Where's your date?" I asked him, mentally abusing myself. I sounded as if I was jealous.

And he, unfortunately, seemed to pick up on it. "Oh, Kimberly's over there somewhere." He waved a hand to the right, not even glancing in her direction.

I smiled at him, a mocking tilt to my mouth. "What a great date she's picked up." I said. "One that doesn't even care where she is."

I didn't mean to sound quite so rude, but the thought of his arm around Kimberly Ann did something to me.

"Do you know where Remus is?" He asked me in retaliation.

"Yes, I do." I sniffed. "He's getting cookies."

"Er, no he's not." He told me, one of his eyebrows rising. "He's over there, talking to that girl with the purple feathers."

I turned, not believing him, and then wanted to smack myself. Of course he was talking to the Hufflepuff, he wasn't friendless like I was. I was an idiot for believing that he _would _spend the entire night with me.

I turned back, what little good mood I had had evaporating. "Go away, Black." I told him irritably. "I don't want to talk to you."

"Oh, are we back to 'Black' now?" He asked me, looking at me in disbelief. "What happened to 'Sirius'?"

I glared at him.

He glared back.

"Are you leaving?" I asked him, as politely as I could.

"No, I'm not." He shot back.

"Well then, _I'm _leaving. Good night, Black." I smiled sweetly at him, managing to make it a rude gesture, and started to stalk away.

Unfortunately, I had no idea where I was to go, and he knew it. He caught up with me barely a second after I had taken my second step, and didn't hesitate to mock me for it.

"Any idea where you're going, Samuels?" He asked me, his voice deriding.

"I'm going anywhere away from you!" I threw back, lengthening my strides as much as was possible. I noticed a second pair of doors opened to the gardens and I quickly made my way in that direction.

I darted out the thick bronze doors, Black steady on my heels, and ducked behind a statue of a centaur. I peered around the flank of the stone creature, careful to not let myself be seen.

"You can't get away from me that easily." Black said, coming out from under a bush behind me. He had leaves and twigs and other things just stuck to his black hair.

I jumped slightly, startled but then I couldn't help but laugh.

"What's so funny?" He asked me, confused.

I just shook my head, laughing even harder.

"What?" He asked, eyes really confused. I reached up and brushed the leaves off of his head lightly. Then I caught sight of a thorny twig entangled in his hair.

"Stay still for a moment, okay?" I told him, and reached up with both hands to untangle the thorn.

I was standing as far away as possible from him while still being able to get the thorn out, and it _was_ slightly uncomfortable. Suddenly Black reached out and yanked me closer to him. I thudded against his chest in a thoroughly undignified manner, my hands still tangled deep in his hair.

His hands didn't leave my waist.

I stared at him for a long moment, my throat dry. "I...I'll just get this out, then." I told him, my voice cracking slightly.

"Okay." He said softly, eyes boring into mine.

We hadn't been this close together since that fateful day so long ago when we had...kissed.

I told my arms to move, to quickly get that thorn out, but they weren't listening to me. They wouldn't move. We stood like that for a long time, for too long, and we might have stood there forever if we weren't interrupted.

"Autumn, are you..." A voice trailed off.

I yanked my hands out of his hair, his hands dropped like they had been burned and I whirled around, my cheeks burning.

Remus stood there, face like stone, hurt obvious in his eyes.

"Oh...oh no." I said softly. "No, Remus, it wasn't...it wasn't like that. He had a thorn in his hair and--!"

"I don't need to hear it." He cut me off abruptly. "I really don't care. But...I'm leaving the ball now." His eyes asked me to tell him to stay.

I was silent.

I couldn't speak.

The silence seemed to stretch on. Then- "Merry Christmas Autumn." Remus told me, his voice flat. "I'll see you after the holidays."

And he turned around and he left.

My only friend, my last friend, had left me.

Suddenly, a feeling of utter panic hit me. My legs were no longer stone. I forgot that Sirius was still behind me, I forgot that we were at a ball, all I knew was that I had to stop Remus, to tell him I was sorry.

So I ran.

I ran after him into the hall, I saw him crossing the dance floor, I noticed Lily in the arms of James, Amy with Paul, I saw the stunned faces of the crowd, but I ran and I grabbed him, and we paused, right in the center of the hall.

"I...I'm sorry!" I gasped out, holding my side. "I swear, it wasn't like that. You just...you just came at the wrong moment."

He turned around to face me, face now angry. "Autumn, I know what I saw, and--"

The chandelier above us gave an ominous creak.

Neither of us noticed it.

"--And what I saw does nothing to prove to me you weren't just snogging my best friend!" His voice had become louder, almost at a yell, and the ringing silence after his words was unbearably loud.

The entire hall had stopped, even the music had paused in it's playing, and every single eye was upon us.

And then a crystal fell from the sky and shattered next to my feet.

We looked up.

Something snapped.

And the great chandelier began to fall.

I would never know why or how I did it, but something in me made me push Remus out of the way completely; I shoved him to the side and he went sprawling into the motionless, shocked crowd, and then the chandelier fell, fell down right on top of me.

I was hit by what seemed like a two ton boulder, except that it was warm and soft, and it covered me completely. I waited, listening hard, terrified for the almighty crash that was sure to follow the fall, but a hard, masculine voice suddenly shouted a spell, a yellow light blinded me, and then there was silence.

Complete and utter silence.

And then, chaos broke loose.

The arms that had been protecting me loosened their hold, but didn't quite let go. I looked up and saw what had happened to the hall. Curiously, there wasn't a bit of crystal around us or on top of us; excluding the piece that had shattered before, that is.

I looked up, wondering why, and gasped, cowering back into the arms that held me. They tightened, and I heard the intake of breath behind me.

The entire chandelier, all two tons of it, I was sure, was held up in a giant yellow bubble. It revolved slowly, straining against the clear binding, pushing to escape and crash over our heads.

I whipped my head around, searching for the face of the one who had saved us, and my eyes landed on James Potter, his arm outstretched, wand aquiver, beads of sweat slowly popping out onto his forehead at the pure effort it took to keep the entire thing aloft.

_"Silencio!" _A voice shouted, and the entire hall fell silent. Dumbledore quickly made his way to the center of the hall, where I and whomever had saved me were still sprawled, and he lifted his wand, and made a quick motion. The yellow bubble that had been James's protection spell was covered with another bubble, blue this time, and Dumbledore made a motion to James to stop.

With a huge sigh, he let go, and the yellow bubble vanished as he slumped to the floor in exhaustion.

McGonagall hurried up, her face white, and muttered the counter-spell for the Silence, and the entire crowd could talk again. Lily ran to James and buried her face in his jacket, Remus ran to me, his face pale and scared.

"Oh god, Autumn, are you...are you okay?" He asked, his voice hoarse. "I can't believe that I left you...I left you there, alone..." He trailed off, looking horrified and ashamed.

"Remus, I pushed you out of the way, in case you can't remember, and I'm fine." I said, my shaky voice slowly gaining strength. "Besides, it's really thanks to James that we came out of this alive."

The hands around me tightened.

I had almost forgotten that I was still being held by someone, the person that had thrown themselves to pretty much death to save me, and I turned around, face in a small smile, ready to thank whomever it had been.

And I met a pair of gray eyes.

**--**

**Sorry I haven't updated in forever, but, like I said, I've been sick, I've had to read Breaking Dawn (OMG!! SO GOOD!!) and I'm kinda in Delaware right now...yeah, a vacation for me!! Mmmkay, please review guys!!**

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	16. I Care Because I Love You

No matter how often I told people that I was fine, they still kept coming up in hordes, checking to make sure that my brains were still firmly lodged in my head.

"I mean, it looked like you were going to _splatter _over everyone!" A tiny Ravenclaw girl told me excitedly. "Like, your brains were going to go flying!"

I blinked a couple of times, not believing my ears. "Well. I'm fine. Thank you, you know, for worrying." I said sarcastically. Abashed, the Ravenclaw moved away. I rolled my eyes.

Dumbledore had quickly moved the entire chandelier over to a clear part of the hall, and it was settled there, waiting for some house-elves, I was sure, to come haul it away.

The teachers had rushed over to Remus, Sirius, James and I the moment they had been able to fight their way through the thickening crowd, and, on inspection, commanded all four of us to make our way to the Hospital Wing.

However, they forgot that they were talking to three Marauders and the one girl that they had always fought with.

In other words, there was absolutely no way any of us were going near that part of the castle tonight.

Of course, we had brushed the teachers concerns aside, assuring them that we would, in fact, make it to the hospital wing, but as soon their backs had turned, Remus had hauled me up and dragged me to a heavily crowded portion of the hall. He hadn't noticed my shock at seeing Sirius as the one to save me, and he obviously thought that I was still startled over what had almost occurred. I wasn't about to correct him, either way.

But as he picked me up and pulled me away, Sirius didn't let go of me, and his hand was still firmly clasped in mine.

And, for some reason, I didn't feel like letting go anytime soon, despite the few catcalls that I heard as we passed.

"Some of these people are idiots." Remus shook his head, hearing what the Ravenclaw had said to me.

"Tell me about it." Sirius agreed, looking after her with disgust. "I don't think she'd be so happy if she were the one to almost 'splatter'."

Nodding his head in agreement, Remus turned to me and started to speak. "Autumn, we should go over to Ja--?" He was quickly cut off by another two people who were running to see how we felt. Our conversation stopped when the three of us realized that they were Lily and Amy. However, both of them slowly came to a halt when they saw whose hand was in mine.

Ashamed, I looked down, and tried to tug my hand out of his. But Sirius didn't let go. Surprised, I looked up, searching his face, asking silently what on earth he was doing, and he looked back, face hard.

"I'm not letting you go." He said, his voice so quiet only I could hear. "Not this time."

I stared up at him in shock. But before I had a chance to say anything, Lily, who had apparently chosen to ignore our entwined hands, came up.

"A...Autumn?" Lily asked me hesitantly.

I turned to her, my face impassive. "Yes?"

"Are you okay?"She asked. Her voice implied that she was asking more than if I had been hurt by the chandelier.

I looked at her for a long moment. "Why do you care?" I asked her coolly.

I felt Sirius hand slowly disentangle itself from mine, heard Remus and Sirius back away quietly. This had nothing to do with them. This was my fight.

"I care...I care because you're one of my best friends." Lily said quietly.

I realized I was angry. "Are we?" I asked her, trying to keep my temper in check. "Are we really best friends? Because best friends don't do what you did to me for the past two months."

"Well, best friends don't do what you did to Amy two months ago either." She shot back. There was a fire burning in her face.

But this time I didn't let it hurt me. This time, I knew that she was wrong.

"Do you think I don't know that?" I asked her, my voice low in anger. "Do you think that what I did didn't hurt me as well? I regret what I did, it was a mistake, but you know what?" I asked, my eyes filling up with tears. "I did do it. It happened. It was wrong, but I kissed him. And it's a bit too late to change that now, however you or I feel about it."

I saw the fire in her eyes dimming slightly, but I had been keeping too much in for too long a time, and I couldn't stop.

Tears were slowly working their way down my cheeks.

"But you know what hurts the most?" I asked, my voice cracking. "It's that you never tried to see my side of this. You never took the time to think about how I might feel about everything. I understand that Amy was more important, at the time, it was true. I can understand that, especially after Kevin. But afterwards...Lily, you could have spoke to me afterwards." I whispered.

"About what?" She asked me, shaking her head slowly. "What was there to talk about?"

I stared at her, the hurt evident on my face. "Exactly. You don't know. You never did. Because you never took the time to ask." I turned away, tears coursing heavily down my face, blurring my vision. Everything had turned into colors; no faces registered with me.

But I was stopped by my name.

"Autumn." Lily said, softly. "Autumn, I'm sorry. I should have, you're right. I should have taken the time to ask. I'm sorry."

That did it, that broke the dam. Suddenly I was full out bawling, creating a scene in the middle of the already wrecked ball. I turned around and hugged Lily as hard as I could, crying into her shoulder.

She was crying too.

"I'm really sorry." She said, lifting a tear-stained face to mine. "I shouldn't have been so mean."

"I'm really sorry too." I hiccuped. "I shouldn't have yelled."

She smiled wanly, and I couldn't help but smile slowly back. We hugged again, harder. Then she remembered. "Amy?" She called, turning around. I couldn't make Amy out amidst the crowd that had, once again gathered around us, and when Remus grabbed me by the arm and dragged me away, I didn't quite protest, either.

"If you're done here, we probably should go back to the Common Room." He whispered into my ear.

"Yeah, probably." I agreed, the last of my tears falling down my face. I leaned over and hugged him "Thank you." I said to his surprised look. "Thank you for everything."

Then, not waiting to hear his response, I let go and searched the crowd for James. He was standing, supported by both Sirius and Peter in the corner farthest from the door.

I walked over, the crowd parting for me as if it were the Red Sea. "Thank you." I said, seriously this time. "I probably wouldn't be standing here if it weren't for you."

He looked at me for a long moment, but he didn't answer me. Instead, he asked me a question. "So you and Lily made up?"

"I suppose so." I said carefully. But the tearstains were still evident on my face, so when Sirius flashed a pointed look in my direction, I changed my words. "Yes...yes, we've made up."

"Good." He said. He had a strange look on his face, an expression I couldn't quite read.

But before I could reply, Dumbledore's voice boomed over the crowds. "I am extremely sorry to have to make this announcement, but the Christmas Ball will end early this year, due to...technological problems." There was a general scattering of laughter. "If you would, please make your ways back to your common rooms at this time. Thank you!"

After the students milled about for a moment, the large crowd of fifth, sixth, and seventh years slowly began to walk out of the giant hall, the ball officially being over. I caught sight of Lily's green ball gown and I looked up at the three Marauders.

"Thanks again, James, and, um...thank you Sirius!" I called as I hurried off to find Lily.

I pushed the look that had been in Sirius's gray eyes to farthest corners of my mind. I didn't want to think about that expression on his face right then.

Or ever.

--

The next morning dawned, a gloomy day with clouds promising rain, hail and snow on the horizon. My mood, however, was exactly the opposite.

I had spent much of the night talking with Lily; we had sat in my bed with the curtains shut and a silencing spell so that no one unwanted could hear us.

And I told her everything.

I started back on that fateful day, telling her everything that I had never told her before. But she didn't remember Sirius as not one of the Marauders; very few people did. But because of what had happened concerning him and I, I probably would have forgotten it too.

Lily hadn't found Amy last night after the ball had ended, and I knew she had only come to bed late, very, very late, because Lily and I stayed up till almost two in the morning talking, and she hadn't come in by then. But in the morning, she was in her bed, fast asleep, still in her pink tulle ball dress from the night before.

I had already packed all my bags, and I was ready to leave to home for the holidays, eager to see Mum and Henry after almost six months apart.

Lily and I left for breakfast without Amy, not wanting to wake her up, for she seemed unusually tired, sleeping in bed, her face drawn and pale, even in sleep.

We made our way downstairs, and walked into the Great Hall, with the Marauders appearing in front of us right before we entered the Hall.

I smiled at Remus, he asked me how the morning was, James grinned at Lily, and she smiled shyly back, but I didn't meet the gray eyes that were watching me so intently.

I didn't want the shaky table Lily and I were sitting on to crumble and fall so soon.

Instead, I sped up my pace, speeding past the third Marauder as I rushed to the table. Lily sat down in front of me a couple of moments later.

"Fast much?" She asked, an eyebrow raised.

"I'm just really hungry." I told her seriously, grabbing a piece of toast.

"Whatever you say." She nodded.

However, it was obvious I wasn't going to get rid of him that easily.

I heard footsteps walk in my direction until they stopped right behind me.

"So is that it?" He asked me in a low voice. "After everything that's happened, are we back to ignoring each other now?"

I realized I couldn't pretend to not hear him. All the Gryffindors sitting around me had looked up, including Lily. "I'm not ignoring you." I replied, reaching for the butter. But I didn't look at him.

"Then why are you avoiding me?" He asked, tone unreadable.

"I'm not avoiding you." I said instead, buttering my toast.

"I'm not stupid, you know." He said, and I realized he was angry. "And neither am I blind!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked him, finally swinging around to face him. "And, besides which, why do you even care? Why did you _ever _care?" I had stood up.

Almost all the Gryffindors were staring now.

"Why do I care? _Why do I care_?" He asked me, his tone incredulous.

"Yes! Tell me, Sirius, because I really have no idea."

He stared at me, his face in shock. He was completely speechless.

There was no sound in our area of the Great Hall.

Then- "Forget this, I'm leaving." I muttered. I grabbed my half-buttered toast and started out of the hall.

"I CARE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, DAMN IT!!"

**--**

**Ahahahah...I'm loving this cliffie...soooo...I realize that the chapter was slightly dry/boring, but I hope the end of it makes up for that!!**

**Please Review!!**

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	17. Fearful

I stared out of the frosted windows of the car, still relieving what Sirius had said to me earlier that day. I was in shock. He loved me? That...that just wasn't possible. We hated each other!! Or, at least, we _had _hated each other, and five years worth of hate does not just vanish in a single moment.

He couldn't love me. There was absolutely no logic in what he had said. Besides which, why, _why _would he love me? Other than first year, which I was sure he had forgotten about, I had never been nice to him. Even after he had saved my sorry butt so many times this year, I had only been bordering on polite in my attitude towards him.

We had never been friends.

How the hell could he fall in love with me?

And, and, how did he expect me to reply, anyway? I mean, when he yelled what he had that morning in the Great Hall, the entire population of Hogwarts stopped talking, as if a Silencing spell had suddenly been cast.

Every single eye of every single person, student or teacher, ghost or statue, was upon the both of us.

What had I been supposed to say? I mean, Sirius's and mine's rivalry had been just as famous, if not more, as Lily and James's. At least those two hadn't hexed each other within to an inch of each of their lives. Sirius and I were known for pranking each other whenever we had the chance, and they weren't the nice, harmless, funny pranks that the Marauders usually pulled either.

Sometimes the pranks we pulled could be dangerous.

Which brought me back to the point that he could _not _love me. Probably he had felt some weird attraction to me since we had been spending so much time together, and he misjudged it as love. After all, he had played my knight in shining armor quite a few times, and that was bound to make the wrong impression on him.

Yes.

That was totally it.

It was simply a mistake.

But mistake or not, when I heard his words I had wheeled around slowly, my mouth slightly open, toast fallen out of my hand.

"You...you _what_?" I choked out, gaping at him.

But he looked just as shocked as I did; obviously those words hadn't been meant to be said out loud.

"I...I..." He croaked, staring at me with his horrified gray eyes.

It had really only been then that I noticed the stares that we were getting, from everyone in Hogwarts, and the complete pressure of it all had simply been too much--I bolted.

I practically flew down the steps, out to the grounds and threw myself onto the white snow next to the frozen lake. I couldn't think. I could barely breathe. I didn't feel the freezing cold, not one bit, though I wasn't wearing much, not even a cloak. My mind just kept replaying those last few words he had said to me, over and over again.

And, even after Lily had come to get me, bundled me up on the train, and pushed me into the waiting arms of my mother, I was in shock.

It really just wasn't possible.

So I was sitting in our new car, though it was third or fourth hand, staring out the cracked window, ignoring the faint smell of cat, not really seeing anything. After my soft "Hi" to my mother, I had been silent, but it was obvious she wasn't going to let me stay that way for long.

"So, Autumn, how was the first term?" She asked, glancing back through the rear-view mirror with a smile. Her face kept aging, and her once beautiful red hair was now almost completely gray. Worry lines dug paths through her face, but they vanished, slightly, at her smile.

"Oh, it was fine." I answered vaguely. Being as poor as we were, my mother had never been able to afford an owl, so our letter writing to each other during the year had been minimal at best.

"So how are Lily and Amy?" She asked, obviously making an effort to start a conversation.

"Okay." I answered, a pang of pain stabbing my heart at the thought of Amy.

"Oh." We were silent for a moment. "And how is that Black child, the one you always fight with? I haven't heard much about your fights this year, have you been getting along?"

The look of murder on my face effectively kept her quiet for the rest of the ride home.

I stepped out of the car the moment it came to a stop, breathing in the deep, pure, icy air, happy to be home. The little house looked almost picturesque this time of the year, with snow blanketing the small lawn and roof, a tiny trail of smoke puffing out from the single chimney.

I saw a curtain move at the window, saw the head full of red hair for a split second before the door opened and the body that accompanied the bright hair tackled me, laughing happily.

"Tua!" Henry grinned. "How was Hogwarts?" Being ten, Henry had had dreams of attending Hogwarts for a few years now, and every time I came home, I was plagued by his questions.

"It was fine." I told him with a chuckle, climbing up, and brushing snow off of my jacket.

"What'd you learn this year? D'you still have that teacher, McGonagall? Is Dumbledore still the head there? D'you still take Charms? Did you learn how to levitate things yet? Did you..." His voice faded off as he danced back into the house, my mother right behind him, shooing him in, as he came out without a coat or shoes.

With a happy sigh, I glanced up at my house. Poor or not, this was my home. And I was glad I was back home.

The wind, which had suddenly picked up, whipped my hair around in a dark halo around my head, and the headband I had been using flew away to the right, settling into the snow.

I trudged over to get it, thankful it hadn't gone farther, and happened to glance up at the house next door.

Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

I had forgotten who lived here.

I stared at it for a moment, at the dark, forbidding presence that seemed oddly out of place next to the happiness of my tiny home.

What kind of life had the people who lived in there led?

Was it really as loving as ours?

Someone suddenly Apparated onto the front steps, and they turned around, and I was met by a pair of familiar gray eyes. They widened in recognition, but with a quick intake of breath at his appearance, I ran towards my front door and slammed it behind me, breathing hard.

How was I going to avoid him now?

--

The days of Christmas break passed quickly, and I, enjoying the time I had with my family, dreaded it being over.

I had successfully avoided Sirius Black since the time we had seen each other, the first day of break, by staying completely hidden inside of our house, not even venturing outside to get a single breath of fresh air.

I mean, really, what need did I have of air?

Oddly enough, though, I did receive a letter from Remus, a few days into break, and I was surprised enough into replying.

_Hello Autumn,_

_I hope you're doing well, and your vacation is plenty of fun. I'm over at the Potter's house right now, as James is planning on having a New Years party in a week or so. It's been quite eventful at his house; obviously Sirius had left a few pranks in his room the last time he visited, and James is still walking around a bright pink. _

_But enough about me, how are you? Is Henry and your mother well?_

_Please do write back, _

_Love, Remus._

I was touched that he had remembered my little brother's name, and that was certainly one of the things that had prompted me into replying.

_Dear Remus,_

_Yes, we're all fine over here, in fact, we've bought a car! It's a definite step up from the pair of roller skates we used to use. No, I'm just kidding, sorry. But Christmas at the Potter's seems quite interesting; I'm sure there's more to the story than you're saying. I'd be interested in hearing it, too._

_But I must go now, my mother's calling._

_Autumn._

I had debated for awhile over how to sign my letter off, as it hadn't escaped my notice that he had signed 'Love, Remus'. In the end, I decided my name would suffice; there really wasn't a need for anything more.

We exchanged letters until Christmas Eve, which was when he had last sent a letter. I hadn't found time to reply, so his owl, whom his mother had apparently named Moon, was currently asleep in a corner of the room Henry and I shared.

I was curled up underneath the covers of my bed, wrapping presents, as I hadn't been able to since I had gone to that disastrous ball. I had already received Remus's permission to 'borrow' Moon to deliver my presents, and I quickly sent him off with my first one for Lily.

I was still undecided over whether to send Amy a gift, but in the end, I decided that I might as well, after all, I had spent good money on it. And perhaps it could be used as a peace offering, but about that I wasn't quite sure.

I had just about finished wrapping all of my presents when my mother burst into my room looking, for lack of a better word, frazzled.

"Oh Autumn, I'm so very sorry, but I have to run right now! I just remembered that I left Henry's Christmas gifts at the store!" She cried, smoothing her hair down nervously. "Oh, I hope they still have them!"

"Calm down, Mother, it's fine." I said with a small smile. "They'll still have them, don't worry."

"Yes, yes." She said distractedly. "Well, I must leave to get them back, you'll watch Henry until then, won't you?"

"Mooom!" We heard him call distantly. "I do _not _need watching over!"

"Okay, sweetheart!" She called back, eyes darting around. Then she turned to me, her green eyes pleading. "You will, won't you?"

"I'm not going anywhere, Mother, I promise."

She smiled quickly at me. "Thank you, dear, thank you very much, but I must run!" She left the room, and I faintly heard the crack she made when she disapparted from the front step outside.

Sighing, I quickly finished wrapping my presents, and I snuck into the family room where Henry was watching a show on our tiny, old-fashioned television. He chortled at one point, and I quickly dumped my presents for him and Mother behind our Christmas tree.

And, really, what a tree it was.

My mother had always had the habit of buying a fresh tree every Christmas, as she thought the plastic ones didn't embody the spirit of Christmas. So, as usual, we had a fresh covering of pine needles surrounding the floor by the spindly little tree we had managed to buy this year.

However, when we moved to the house we lived in now, Number Eleven, Grimmauld Place, our first Christmas here was really one filled with magic. Out of nowhere, our mother produced almost all of the ornaments we had used on our last Christmas's when our father was alive. They were the absolute finest ornaments, and a few were actually plated with real gold.

At the time, I couldn't understand why Mother hadn't sold the ornaments; they would have bought us enough wizarding gold (Not to mention Muggle money) to feed us for a month, at least, but now, I could see the sentimental value she held with them.

We had very few belongings with us still from the time we had lived with Father, and these ornaments really were pretty much it. My favorite was a small reindeer, complete with little silver bells attached to it's antlers, and a small gold chariot harnessed to it's back. On Christmas day exactly, the little reindeer would start to run around the tree, sprinkling silver and gold glitter around us as we opened our presents.

The magic of the moments had never left us.

"Hey!" I heard Henry call.

Wincing, I turned around.

"You were hiding presents weren't you?" He asked, one eye narrowed.

I threw up my hands in mock defeat. "You caught me." I sighed.

"So?" He asked me excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "What are they?"

"Do you really think I'm going to tell you?" I asked him, an eyebrow raised.

"Well--" He started, but he was cut off by a loud crash from outside. Looking at each other puzzled, we both ran to the door.

I pushed him behind me before I opened it, but everything seemed perfectly calm outside. I glanced around for another few moments before I shut the door softly and turned to him with a smile. "False alarm." I assured him. "A cat probably knocked over a dustbin or something of the sort."

"Okay." He answered, but he didn't look convinced. He returned to his show dubiously, and I to our room, both of us forgetting about the Christmas presents.

For some reason I was jumpy; I had an odd feeling that something was wrong. But as I couldn't pinpoint what it was, or why I had the feeling, I ignored it, telling myself that I was being idiotic. However, I wanted Mother to get home as soon as possible.

Suddenly I heard a yell, and another crash from outside. I bolted up, jumping off the bed, and ran to the door of the room.

"Henry?" I called, suddenly fearful. "Henry?"

"I'm going to check what that was!" He called back, and I saw him putting on his coat.

"Henry, stay here." I said firmly, going up to him. "I'll go outside and see what's wrong, you have no reason to."

"Forget it." He said angrily. "I need to see."

"Henry-" I tried calling, but he had left, pushing open the door and slamming it with a bang. I sat on the couch with a sigh, waiting for him to return. He had forgotten his shoes. He would be back in a moment.

But when a moment stretched to a minute, and a minute to five, I became worried.

Where was he?

I opened the door and peered out, looking from side to side for him. Shivering with the cold, I took a hesitant step out.

There was a bang from the house next door. Jumping at the noise, I stared at the puff of green smoke coming out of a window. I heard someone scream. A door banged loudly.

What was happening?

I took another step outside.

And then, I heard someone scream, a shrill, high scream yell a spell. _"Crucio!" _

"Henry!" I shrieked, and ran outside the gate, forgetting my lack of protective clothing, turning left and right. "Henry!"

The door of Number 12, Grimmauld Place flew open with a bang, and someone stumbled out.

I stood there, stock still, my eyes wide and fearful, as Sirius Black practically fell off the porch of his own house, as his mother slammed the door behind him, with a snarl.

_"And good riddance!"_

He looked up, searching the street, gray eyes half crazed, a deep gash along the side of his face, numerous bruises and cuts along his thinly clothed body. His eyes landed on me.

"Autumn." He said hoarsely.

I stared at him, unsure of anything, eyes unable to leave his.

And then, with a deep, ragged breath, he dragged himself a few steps forward and then collapsed into my arms, unconscious.

**--**

**Don't you just love these cliffhangers?? :P Sorry, I know I'm being evil. But I love doing this!! Anyway, don't expect an update for another couple of days, cuz I'm leaving Delaware tomorrow morning and it takes me FOREVER to recover from plane rides...ew. **

**But please Review, guys!!**

**Fanta-Faerie**


	18. Alright

I stared in shock at the limp body I was holding.

What...what had just happened?

The wind whipped across my face, and a cut along Sirius's back began to bleed, if possible, harder.

I came to my senses. I grabbed him, pulling him upright and slung one of his arms over my shoulder. Almost collapsing under his weight, I managed to open the little iron gate to our house and drag him to the door. Pushing it open, I pulled him over to the couch, cursing the wizarding law that demanded a witch to be seventeen before using magic outside of school.

I quickly banked the tiny fire burning in our fireplace and then turned to look at Sirius. I gently rolled him over, and couldn't help the gasp that escaped me.

He was half dead.

He had bruises all over his arms, and some were already turning yellow-green with age, while some were clearly new, still forming under his pale skin. They went up and under his shirt, but I was afraid to look under, scared of what I might find. Then the cuts-there were so, so many of them.

I could feel tears forming under my lids.

How could anyone do this to a person?

How could anyone do this to their _son?_

How could anyone do this to Sirius?

My Sirius. Who had helped me through so much, protected me, saved me, kept me safe from everything.

I was angry. No, I was furious. I was so angry I could barely see straight. Tears were falling down my cheeks as I edged his shirt upwards, looking for more damage. And practically fainted at the amount of blood on his chest.

It looked like...it looked like someone had stabbed him.

And then my anger was gone, and I was filled with nothing but fear. Pure, icy cold fear.

The door banged open. I looked up.

"Oh gosh, Tua, what happened?" Henry asked me, bounding forward, snow on his lashes. He stopped cold when he caught sight of Sirius. "What happened to him?" He whispered, child eyes large.

"Nothing." I choked out. "He's going to be fine." I told him, praying that it would be true, yet not believing my lie.

Sirius coughed, a hoarse, drawn out cough that came from a dying man. Blood spattered out of his mouth, tinging my face and hands with red. I didn't bother to wipe it off.

"Stay here." I told Henry, firmly. "You have to stay here. Wait for Mother, and...and..." I broke off, tears falling faster. I gripped Sirius's arm to me tightly, ignoring the blood that was slowly seeping onto my clothes.

"Okay." Henry nodded, face drawn, scared. "Okay."

I flashed him one last, fearful look, and then I grabbed Sirius, hauling him up, his head lolling onto my shoulder, blood from his mouth trickling down onto my arms. And then I turned, Apparating though I hadn't my license, disappearing with a loud crack, hoping against hope that it would be okay.

It felt like an iron band was clamping around my chest, squeezing me tightly, so horribly that I felt death was near. But then lights winked into existance and we were standing in front of a huge house that I had never seen before.

There was a large 'P' emblazoned on one of the wide double doors that led to the Potter's house.

I felt Sirius's head move. I looked up, as he lifted his head.

"Au...tumn?" He asked, voice cracking.

"I'm here, I'm here." I told him, crying so hard that I could barely see the doorbell my cold, clumsy fingers were fumbling to press.

I felt his gray eyed gaze on me, weak as it was and I turned my head to look at him.

My fingers pushed the doorbell; it rang, rang, into silence.

It was silent.

"Good." He said finally, eyes softening. "I don't...I don't...I don't want anyone else." He coughed again, blood flowing faster.

"Shhhh." I whispered to him, pressing his battered body closer to mine. Where were the Potters? "Don't speak. You're safe."

He grinned unexpectedly, but it was so weak I couldn't smile back. My face just closed up, screwing up to try and stop the water flowing down my face.

"Of course I am." He quoted, coughing again. "You're here. Why wouldn't I be safe?"

I let out a choked up snort as I recalled the words I had spoken to him, so long ago. "I should have been there sooner." I moaned softly, unconsciously repeating his words.

"Shut up, Samuels." He chuckled, blood spraying.

I tried to smile, tried to convey that I had faith he would be fine, but my smile was nothing but a grimace, my faith nonexistent.

And then, with a heavy groan, the door opened.

A laughing James Potter glanced outside and looked away. Then he started and whipped back around, his face paling under his glasses. I watched his eyes widen, bigger and bigger in horror as they took in the bloody mess Sirius and I were on his front doorstep.

"Autumn?" He whispered, voice shocked.

"Help him." I said ferociously, glaring at his stunned figure with all my might.

Sirius was gazing around, a glazed look in his eyes, staring but not seeing.

"Help him!" I insisted.

James quickly snapped out of it and grabbed Sirius's other arm, yelling for his mother and father to help, quick.

A worried expressioned young lady with mahogany hair and hazel eyes came rushing into view, a black haired, brown eyed version of James right behind her.

Mrs. Potter took one look at the scene before her, and turned quickly business-like.

"Harold, call a Healer, right away. Tell them it's too serious to apparate to Mungo's. Remus, grab a few bandages, trust me, we'll need them." She finished grimly, addressing Remus, who had also hurried up at the commotion.

"Right." Remus nodded, hurrying away after getting over his stunned look at seeing Sirius and I.

"Come on James, to the Blue Bedroom, it's closest." She directed James and I to the right, and she hurried behind Sirius, one hand to his back.

The Blue Bedroom was extraordinarily large, and beautifully furnished, but I hadn't the time to dwell on such little luxuries, not when Sirius might be...might be dying. We gently laid him down on the bed, adjusting the pillows to his tall frame, as Mrs. Potter left to help Remus with the rest of the healing potions.

"What happened?" James asked quietly, looking down at the broken body of his best friend. "And how did you find him?"

I had forgotten that James had no idea about our living arrangement. "I live next door to him." I said tersely. "I have for about eleven years." I ignored James's astonished look and continued. "I was at home with my brother, and we heard a crash outside. My brother ran outside to check, and after he hadn't come back for a bit, I went after him. Someone was yelling, and there were more bangs, and then the door to his house opened and he stumbled out and fainted into my arms."

I couldn't meet James's intense stare, so I kept my eyes on the still figure on the bed.

"And he was like this?" He eventually asked.

"Yes." Then I hesitated. Should I tell him? "And...someone yelled a spell. Someone yelled the Cruciatus Curse."

I felt James stiffen beside me. "They used an Unforgivable curse on him?" He asked, sounding revolted. "How the hell could they?"

"I know." I agreed softly. "How could they...especially to Sirius."

"What'd you mean?" James asked curiously.

"I mean...he's so caring, and kind...how could anyone ever want to hurt him?" I asked, gazing down at his face. A lock of black hair lay in his eyes. Without thinking, I reached forward and brushed it away.

"You care about him." James stated, after a moment of silence.

I turned to look at him. He was looking at me seriously, no trace of humor on his face. "Of course I do." I replied. "He's saved me from so much...how could I not care?"

"So the only feelings you have towards him are gratefulness?" James asked, lifting an eyebrow. "That's all?"

"Well, he's an okay guy, I suppose." I said, confused as to where the conversation was heading.

"So..." James hesitated. "You don't feel the same towards him as he does for you?" At my blank stare, he continued. "You know, what he said to you the, er, last day before break?"

I felt a flush creeping up my neck. "I don't think he really meant what he said." I told him quickly. "After saving me as he did, it's not surprising he became confused about his emotions. He probably just misjudged his feelings."

"No, I don't think he did." James replied quietly. "I should tell you, Sirius has never said he's loved a girl before. No girl that he's ever dated. And, Autumn, it's kind of hard to misjudge love. I think I should know. I love Lily. And there's no doubt in _my_ heart that that's true."

I stared at him, shocked that he would tell me something so personal.

His hazel gaze bored into mine. "He really loves you Autumn. Don't hurt him because you're afraid."

I opened my mouth to reply, though I had no idea what words would come out of it, but Sirius suddenly moved on the bed, and a low choked cry escaped from his throat.

"Sirius!" I grabbed his arm. "Get his other!" I cried to a panicked James as Sirius writhed on the bed, obviously in a great deal of pain. "We can't let him move around! He'll lose more blood!"

I struggled to keep him on the bed as he thrashed around. His eyes suddenly flew open. They skittered from side to side, scared.

"Autumn!" He cried hoarsely. "Autumn!"

"I'm here, I'm right here." I bit back a sob, leaning down on his convulsing arm harder.

He stared up at the ceiling. "Good. I need you here, Autumn. I...I...I think love you." His voice came out strangled.

My breathing hitched as my heart beat faster, pounding against my ribcage. I had forgotten about James. Sirius and I were the only ones. The only people in the room. In the world. I looked up at him, my eyes filling again with tears.

"I...I know." I whispered to him. I lifted a hand to his cheek, and started to brush away the hair covering his face. "I know." My tears were falling on his face. "And...Sirius...I-I think I might--"

But whatever words had been about to leave my lips were cut off, thrown into silence, never to be spoken, as the door burst open and two wizards and a witch came rushing into the room.

"Move aside." One wizard said tersely. "He's critical."

James moved away, but I was stiff at his side, unable to move.

"Do you _want _him to die?" The witch asked me, her voice tense.

That broke me from the spell.

I moved away.

One wizard was unscrewing a flask of a viscous green potion, and another one opened Sirius's mouth and poured it down. He had been staring up at the ceiling this whole time, but once he had swallowed the potion, his gray eyes met mine, and I was falling, falling, falling hard into them.

And then they closed.

At my strangled cry, the witch reassured me. "He was meant to fall asleep. It will make the healing process much easier for both him and us. Now, I'm afraid the lot of you will have to step outside. We can't deal with distractions."

Mr. Potter nodded once, and shepherded everyone outside. I slumped to the floor immediately, my head in my hands.

As the door closed behind us, my mind was filled with his gray eyes, and the look in them. And what he had said to me.

I couldn't get his words out of my mind.

I don't know how long I sat, hunched against the stone wall, thinking of nothing but his gray eyes, but eventually, Mrs. Potter crouched down and touched my shoulder.

"Autumn?" She asked softly. "You need to get out of those clothes."

I looked up at her, not comprehending.

"I have a few clothes you should be able to fit into." She elaborated. "Your own are a mess."

I looked down at myself and realized she was right. My sweater and shorts were literally covered in blood, and my knees and legs were muddy. I knew my eyes were bloodshot, and that a bruise was slowly forming along one side of my neck from lifting Sirius for so long.

"Okay." I whispered quietly. I tugged myself up from the ground and followed Mrs. Potter through the halls of her large house, not meeting Remus or James's eyes.

"Here you go." She gently pushed me into a soft green room, and after a moment of rummaging through a drawer, pulled out a set of clothes. "There's a bathroom in there." She pointed me in the right direction, and I took the clothes and went.

There was no doubt that James's mother had taste, I knew that for sure. The soft white skirt she had given me was the exact match for the thin, but warm, sweater she had paired with it. I did my best to scrub off the blood and grime covering me from head to toe, and then put on the clothes she had laid out. I left my shoes in a corner of the bathroom, not wanting to dirty the floor with the mud stuck on it.

I walked out of the bathroom and looked around for a moment. No one was there. I hesitantly opened the door and glanced from side to side. No one was there either.

I was suddenly filled with an intense feeling of fear.

Had something happened to Sirius?

I ran down the hall, and down another one. I was pretty sure I was going the right way to the Blue Room and I was right, for I skidded to a halt outside the room, Remus the only one outside.

He saw me, my hair flying, eyes wild with fear, and he hastened to reassure me.

"He's going to be fine." He told me, his voice weary with relief. "He's just sleeping everything off. Mrs. Potter went to go get us some cocoa and food, and Mr. Potter and James are downstairs with the Healers."

I took a deep breath to calm myself. "So he won't...he won't die?" My voice cracked a bit on the last word.

Remus shook his head. "No, he's going to be fine."

The surge of relief that hit me was so powerful that I stumbled backwards for a moment. I sagged to the floor, my face buried in my hands. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you..." I moaned over and over again.

I felt a hand on my back, soothing me. And then I stood up, my eyes alight with an odd look. I could see my expression in a mirror on the other side of the hall.

I reached for the doorknob, but Remus's hand stopped me.

"He needs his rest." He told me, gently prying my fingers away from the handle. "Don't go in."

I didn't care. I shrugged him off, none too gently, and pushed open the door. It was dark inside, the curtains drawn. I took a step inside. Sirius _was _sleeping; I could see the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in and out deeply. The gash on his face had healed, already a faint pink scar that was sure to vanish soon. The rest of him was under the covers, so I couldn't see if his numerous bruises and cuts had been healed.

I took another step forward, intending to wake him, just to make sure he was fine, but I caught sight of his face.

I had never seen Sirius Black sleeping so peacefully before. His face had lost the hardness it had acquired in the last few weeks, and the silly grin he usually wore seemed more likely to appear on his face again. He looked so vulnerable.

I sighed softly, happy and sad. And I took a step back. I closed the door behind me and looked up to Remus's questioning eyes.

"I'm not going to wake him." I told him, looking at him, a mixture of expressions on my face. "Because he's going to be fine. He's going to be fine."

And then, once again, I started crying, crying for real this time, crying as if my heart would break. Remus pulled me to him and I buried my face in his shoulder. I cried in happiness because he was going to be alright.

**--**

**Hrrrm, not my best chappie, I agree...I started this story with the intent of creating Autumn as a strong, individual person, who really wasn't prone to tears, because of what Sirius had done to her...and now she just can't stop crying!! Okay, okay, I promise, I'll cut down on the waterworks for the next few chapters...but then again, I suppose, when it comes to love, nothing is really rational, huh?**

**Please review!!**

**Fanta-Faerie**


	19. Should I?

They had asked me to stay overnight at the Potter's house, but I wouldn't, simply because I couldn't, as Henry and Mother were still at home.

"My…parents, have no idea what happened to me." I explained to Mrs. Potter. "I left with Sirius without an explanation, so they'll be worried."

"We can just send them an owl; I'm sure that under the circumstances they wouldn't have a problem letting you stay overnight." She said, looking at me with concern.

"No, Mrs. Potter, that's fine, I really do need to get home." I told her. I looked around at the rest of the people gathered around us. "Remus, could you send me a letter when Sirius wakes up?"

He looked at me for a moment and then nodded. "Of course. Your…parents won't intercept it?" He asked.

"No." I said, answering his concealed question. "They won't."

The Potters stared at us as if we had gone mad.

"Thank you, for the clothes, Mrs. Potter." I called back to them as I headed towards their front door. "And thank you…for helping him."

"We would never have done any less." Mrs. Potter said softly, pausing at the front door as I stood in the harsh cold. "And if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask Autumn. You're one of the family now."

I turned my face away to hide the bitter tears coursing down my face at her words. "Thanks." I managed to choke out. Then I turned on the step and vanished, reappearing at my home.

"What did you mean, intercept?" James asked, turning to Remus inside the warm house.

"Nothing, Prongs, nothing." Remus replied, looking out the window at the flurries of snow that coasted the wind.

"Nothing."

--

I received a letter from Remus the next morning, informing me that Sirius was perfectly fine, and that the first thing he had asked for when he woke up was bacon.

I couldn't help the smile that tugged at my lips then.

And apparently, the second thing he asked for had been me.

After reading that sentence, I had to stop, I wouldn't read on. I didn't want to. I ripped up the letter, tearing it to shreds, and fed it to our kitchen fire with a sort of happy glare on my face.

I didn't want to hear that Sirius was in love with me anymore; that part should have been over.

And if it wasn't over, I was damn well going to _make _it be.

Henry and I woke up Christmas morning, early enough, and he practically tackled me to reach the tree, with a surprising amount of presents underneath it.

"Got one!" He crowed, holding up a large-ish box. "To Henry…from Mum. Thanks!" He yelled back into Mother's bedroom. Once he had ripped the wrapping away with incredible force for a ten year old, a brand-new broom rolled out into his lap.

Both of us stared at it with wonder.

"Mum?" He asked hoarsely. She had slipped up behind us, still in her bathrobe, and she hugged him hard around the middle.

"Merry Christmas, Henry." She whispered into his ear.

He just stared at it, completely stunned. "How…how could you afford this?" He asked her, reverently brushing a hand across its tail.

She grinned, a grin that I hadn't seen on her face in years, and replied, "I've been saving up. And besides…I might have gotten a raise." She shyly hid her face when the both of us jumped up and started screaming, tackling her with happiness.

"A raise! That's amazing!" I shrieked.

She smiled happily. "I know. But come on, come on, open up the rest of your presents."

Lily _had _bought me a present, and I was relieved to remember that I had given her one as well. It was a thin bracelet, a muggle piece, but it was beautiful, and I put it on immediately. Remus had bought me a book, The Twelve Uses of Chicken's Teeth, as a joke, I presumed, but when I opened it up with a groan, I realized that it was actually a diary, complete with a magical lock that would let no one but the writer in to read it. There were two more presents under the tree, and I reached for the slightly bigger one.

With a pang, I realized it was from Amy.

I opened it up hesitantly, and I was rewarded with the eagle-feathered quill I had been looking for months ago at Hogsmeade. I sighed, my good humor dampened, and started to stand, clutching all my presents.

"Aren't you going to open your last present?" Mother asked me, pointing. She was clad in the pink scarf I had gotten her, as well as the matching sweater Henry had given.

"If you don't open it, I will…" Henry teased, reaching for it.

With a sigh, I sat back down. "Oh, just give it to me." I told him moodily. He dropped the small red box into my outstretched hands, and I brought it closer, trying to read the writing.

"It's from…" Suddenly I didn't want to open it.

"Who's it from, sweetie?" My mother prodded gently.

"It's from Sirius." I said stiffly. I had told Mother and Henry what had happened when I had found Sirius and took him to the Potters, and Mother, though slightly angry that I had left Henry alone, was proud that I had done the right thing, no matter how much, she guessed, I didn't like him.

"Well, then, open it!" She said cheerfully. "It's bound to be a thank-you gift!"

I looked at her expectant face, and much as I wanted to open it in the privacy of Henry's and mine's room, I couldn't.

With a sigh, I unwrapped the red paper, and a small, white box dropped into my hands. I opened the box, and everyone gasped.

Inside, were two small clips to pin back your hair. Nice, right? Cheap and simple.

Not.

These clips? Yeah, they were made of the darkest, prettiest blue sapphires I had ever seen. And, much as I hated to admit it, they were beautiful. The clips were made of a black stone, all the way to the tip, where a huge, sapphire flower bloomed out of the end, glittering and shining.

"Those must have cost him a mint!" Henry said, awed.

A piece of white paper fluttered to the ground.

"Read it!" He urged me, bug eyed.

I opened the note, still stunned, and read it aloud.

_Autumn,_

_These are for you. They used to be my favorite aunt's, and my uncle passed them on to me before he died. I wanted to give them to you, because, after all, you saved my life. Thank you, Autumn. I owe you._

_Love, Sirius_

I finished reading, my voice a monotone.

So that was it? He gave them to me in thanks? That was it? I did my best to ignore the hurt welling up inside my chest, and grabbed the box, harshly shoving the lid back on.

"Here." I choked, dumping the box in my mother's lap. "You have it. I don't want them."

And, with a quick sweep to gather the rest of my presents, I fled the room, hearing my mother call after me, her voice confused.

I dumped my presents in a corner of the tiny room, and when I noticed Sirius's letter lying gently on top of the pile, I grabbed it and crumpled it up, throwing it to a corner of the room.

I wanted _nothing _to do with him anymore.

I lay on the bed, my eyes completely dry, thinking, really, of nothing. I simply did not care any longer. It just didn't matter to me.

The rest of the day passed in a somewhat similar manner, and once, I heard the door to Number 12 Grimmauld Place slam, and a man's voice shouting. I hesitantly got to my feet and peered out the window, which faced the front entrance of their house.

"….ministry will be after us now!...Sirius….horrible blood traitors….Potters?!..." I heard snippets of conversation as the man, presumably Sirius's father, yelled.

The door opened again, and this time it was a woman's voice that yelled out.

"….will not house that _trash_…who cares?...don't give a damn where he is…." And other random bits that were just as unattractive as the firsts.

Unconsciously, my hands started clenching into fists, and I was slowly becoming angrier by the second. What kind of people were they? They abused their son, just because he was proud to be a brave Gryffindor instead of a cowardly, slimy Slytherin, and then they threw him out onto the streets, uncaring whether he lived or died.

But, even with all of those physical actions, it had been the words his mother had uttered that had pierced me the most, hurt me, and made the most impact.

_"You are worthless." _She had sneered.

Those same words had completely wrecked my life.

And they had come from people in the same family, too.

It was easy, now, to understand how Sirius had become the way he had been as a first year, as a child. His parents were no example, that much was for sure, especially with their 'pure blood' theories.

God knows what they would say, or what they would do if they knew that he had saved my life.

Or that I had saved his.

And then the door slammed shut behind me, and I whirled around, instinctively covering the window with my body, trying to keep Henry from seeing and hearing the sight outside.

But he had other things on his mind.

"Why don't you want the clips?" He asked me, holding them out.

"Because I just don't want them." I said brusquely.

I heard the door to Number 12, Grimmauld Place slam shut, and the loud crack as someone Disapparated from the front steps.

"They're _sapphires _Autumn." Henry told me, his voice low in excitement. "If you don't want them, sell them. They could buy us so much money!"

I couldn't help myself, I snatched the box from his grip. He looked at me, surprised. "Don't even think about it." I half hissed at him. "These are his family heirlooms. You can't just sell them!"

"But why does that matter to you?" Henry asked me, one eye narrowed speculatively. "You don't want them."

I stared at him, a loss for words. "Well, I'm giving them to Mum, and you _can't _sell them, okay?"

He looked at me, a grin on his face. "You don't want me to sell them, and there's a reason. You're just too dense to realize it, Tua."

I realized that this had been his point all along; he had never really been planning to pawn the clips.

With an enraged shriek, I pushed him out of the door, and slammed it shut behind him, panting at the effort.

I heard a scratching at the window.

"What?" I snapped, irritated.

The scratching continued.

"Oh." I muttered. There was an owl at the door. I went over to the window and lifted the latch to let the bird fly in. I quickly untied the letter from its leg, and it flapped so suddenly that I fell back, startled, and it flew away, out the door before I had a chance to stop it.

Sighing, my irritation gone, I looked at the letter. It was encased in a thick, white envelope, heavy paper and obviously expensive. The name, _Autumn_, was written in a beautiful calligraphy on the outside, but otherwise, there was no indication as to who had actually sent it.

I hesitantly opened the envelope, and a cream colored letter fell out, embossed in gold print.

_James Potter,_

_Most cordially invites you to his annual New Years Eve Celebration, taking place at his house, address --. The Celebration will start at six o'clock and will continue on until two in the morning. _

_Rooms will be provided for those without a ride home. _

_Please RSVP by December 30th._

And at the end of the letter, in an unmistakably messy scrawl, were the words,

_And, p.s. Autumn, Padfoot really wants you to come._

I stared at the letter, unsure of many things, but sure of one.

How the hell was I supposed to RSVP when his owl took off on me?

**Okay, so guys, please review/pm tell me: Should Tua go to the, er, ball, and MAYBE kiss Sirius, or not?? **

**Fanta-Faerie**


	20. Broke Away

So I didn't go to the party. How could I? I was completely isolated from the wizarding world without an owl at home, and there was no way I could have responded to James's letter in time.

Mother had caught sight of my invitation the night after Christmas, having barged into my room to do some laundry. I hastily tried to shove the thick crème paper behind my back, but she saw it out of the corner of her eye and promised she wouldn't leave until I showed it to her.

With a sigh, I surrendered the letter.

"Why, Autumn dear, this is great!" She cried, looking up after a moment. "Why don't you go?"

"Because I can't." I snapped, too irritated to be polite.

"Why?" She asked, genuinely confused.

"No owl, remember?" I said, grabbing the invitation back and waving it around. "And besides, I don't want to go."

She stared at me for a moment, utterly bemused, and then suddenly her face softened. The understanding lighting her chocolate brown eyes made me angrier than before. I was having a moment, and I didn't want anyone barging in.

I glared at her, my hands clenched into fists, wanting to pound the wall in frustration, but I resisted, knowing the house would probably have a wall in it once I was finished, and we most definitely didn't have enough money to fix that.

"Okay, okay. It's fine, sweetie." She held up her hands, the understanding still evident in her eyes. "Let me just grab some of these dirty clothes, after all, you're leaving back to school in just about a week.!"

I waited, my eyes shut tight as I heard her bustle around the room, picking up shirts, jeans, the occasional underwear, and then, with a soft click, the door shut behind her, and I was alone again.

With a sigh, I opened my eyes and gazed at the door, a slight bud of regret in my heart.

I hadn't mentioned to her the other reason I hadn't wanted to go to the party. Sadly enough, it was because Sirius wanted me there. I was angry at him, very, very angry.

I knew it made no sense; after all, I didn't want him to love me. I never had, but seeing the note he had sent, saying that everything had been only in thanks, had struck a chord deep inside of me, sending my heart into spasms of pain.

Why?

No idea.

So, I decided not to go.

And then, of course, there was the whole bad-memories thing. I remembered the Christmas Ball at Hogwarts, the utter disaster it had been. In fact, the only good thing that had come out of it had been Lily and I making up. And, really, I wasn't ready to face everybody at school again, not with all the rumors about Sirius and me I was sure were circulating after his last remark at school.

So I spent New Years Eve completely alone, as my mother had been invited to a countdown party, and my brother to a slumber one.

I gazed into the flickering fire I had managed to light, my thoughts dancing and sputtering like the orange flames in front of me.

What was I going to do once school started? Mother had been right, there really was only a few days left until I had to face the entire student and teacher population of Hogwarts, all of whom had heard what Sirius had shouted across the Great Hall.

_"I CARE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, DAMN IT!"_

I winced at the memory, but found myself, oddly enough, smiling softly. With a start, I realized what I was doing, and mentally slapped myself.

Enough of that.

I went on to think about the rocky relationship Amy and I were on, and whether or not it was possible to rescue it. I knew that it would probably never go back to the terms we had previously been on, after my betrayal, it just wasn't possible, but I couldn't help but hope either way.

I loved her and Lily much too much to want to let something as trivial as a guy come between us.

Sooner or later I fell asleep on the armchair, warmed by the slowly dying fire, and the soft flurries of snow fluttering down outside my window.

--

It was utterly hopeless. It was so incredibly unfair, I thought, dragging my trunk down the compartments again, looking for an empty seat.

The furtive looks people had been shooting me had seriously started to get on my nerves. I mean, a guy had only declared his love for me in front of a thousand people. It wasn't that big.

Oh, shut up.

I reached the last compartment on the train and sighed. If there was an empty seat in here, I was going to sit, whether or not it was infested with Slytherins. So with a small groan, I pushed open the door.

"Autumn?" I heard a familiar voice ask.

I turned to meet those gray eyes, followed by the other ones of the Marauders.

I was seriously reconsidering my no-matter-what-going-to-sit-here thing. "Hey." I smiled weakly, avoiding his gaze.

"Need a place to sit?" Remus guessed.

"Yeah." I leaned down to pick up my trunk, but was beaten to it by Sirius, who hoisted it up and very neatly pressed it into place above our heads. "Thanks." I muttered, sitting next to Remus.

"No prob." He replied, still looking at me.

"So…" I started, looking down at my erratically twitching thumbs. "How did everyone's break go?"

"Why weren't you at the party?" James cut in, changing the subject.

The compartment went still. I could feel my cheeks start to burn, but I forced myself to meet his hazel eyed gaze anyway. "Because I didn't have an owl to reply back with."

"What?" Peter broke in? "Why? Everyone has an owl." I noticed Remus glare at him, and he cowered back, obviously not realizing why he was upset.

"We don't have much money." I told him shortly, abruptly closing the subject.

We all sat in an awkward silence for ten minutes, until we heard the familiar feminine shouts of Lily, telling off a first year for managing to bring back a frost covered toad. That was, unfortunately, poisonous.

James's face lit up like a child's on Christmas morning. "Lily-flower!" He quickly got up and left the compartment, following her resounding voice to the source: her herself.

Uncomfortable at the situation, I looked out the window to see if there was anything I could distract myself with. Unfortunately, nothing but snow whisked by on the path back to the school, and it was impossible to see the usually green pastures that led to Hogwarts.

"Did you get my present?" Sirius suddenly asked, leaning forward, elbows on knees to look at me. I noticed a small, obviously still healing, scar on his temple.

I glanced away from the window for a moment and experienced an intense feeling of anger. Who was he, to make me feel this way? What right did he have to make my heart hurt so, not only once, but twice?

"Yes." I said abruptly, and I turned back to the window. Remus shifted slightly in his seat next to me.

"Did you like it?" Sirius pressed.

I didn't turn from the frosty window. "Should that matter?"

"Yeah. It matters to me. Because if you didn't, I'll get you something else. Something better."

This time I didn't answer. We were all silent for a long time, until Peter got up, claiming he had to use the restroom, and left.

With only Remus, Sirius and I in the compartment, the tension was rising steadily higher, though no words were being spoken, and really, no actions were being made.

Finally Remus couldn't stand it any longer. "I'll just go and check what's taking Peter so long." He muttered, and hurried out the door, shutting it with a solidly resounding thud.

At the impact of the door slamming, I winced slightly, completely aware that Sirius and I were now in an otherwise empty compartment, but my eyes never left the window, though they saw nothing, not even the snow falling in such hard, compact clusters.

Another minute of silence.

"What's wrong?" He asked me softly. "Did I do something? Tell me, Tua." He prodded gently.

"Did you do something wrong?" I asked him incredelously. "Did you _do something wrong_?" I had turned from the window to gaze at him in utter disbelief. "My heart is in shreds, Sirius. It is in tatters. And do you know why? Why? Because of _you." _

My words made a visible impact on him, it was as if I had punched him in the stomach. But I was so clouded by fury and pain that I didn't even notice.

"You trampled on it, stomped on it as if it were worth nothing more than a rug in the common room. No, scratch that. As if it were worth _less _than a rug in the common room. Because of you, my entire life changed. You changed me, Sirius, and not to a better person!" I cried, my voice rising higher and higher in my distress. "And I hated you, god, how I hated you." I laughed a mirthless laugh. "And then...and then you saved me. You helped me. What the damn was I supposed to think, Black? What the damn hell?" I had no tears left in me, not a single one after the weeks of pouring tears. So my face was completely dry, eyes wanting water to seep in rivers out of them, but refusing to do so. "And then you _love _me. You love me! Sirius Black, notorious player of Hogwarts, _loves _me!"

I was standing in my fury, and he was still sitting, shell shocked, eyes wide.

"Then you show up, beaten and bruised, and I feel like I should have been beaten and bruised with you. I blame myself, for something that wasn't my fault. And seeing you like that hurt me so much, it hurt me so much..." My face was in my hands, and I was crying, dry, choking tears that wouldn't come.

A hand of his reached up.

"Don't touch me." I said harshly, looking up, pure anger in my eyes. "And then, then, after everything, after everything, you send me a note saying thank you. _Thank you_. That was it? Damn you, Black, you idiot!"

"Tua?" I heard a voice call hesitantly.

Both our heads turned at the same time.

The compartment door opened and Lily's head poked through. She took in the scene, both Black and I standing, my hands curled into fists, breathing heavily, and connected it with the screaming she had heard earlier.

Six months ago, Lily would have stormed in and grabbed me by the arm, dragging me out with a sniff at my stupid actions. Now, however, she looked at me, her eyes serious.

"Don't." She said, her voice flat. "Don't." And she withdrew, softly closing the door behind her.

My eyes didn't leave the spot where her head had been, and there was utter silence in the compartment for a moment.

Then I spoke.

"I want you to pretend none of this ever happened." I said, my voice low, still looking at the door. "As if the past six months have been a dream."

"What--?" He started, bewildered, but I cut him off, whipping around to face him with a glare.

"No. Shut up. You owe me, Black. You owe me and don't you dare deny it." My eyes flashed to the small scar on his right temple.

He sucked in his breath to argue but I held up a hand.

"Please." I said, my voice softer this time. "Please."

I held his gray eyed gaze for a long time, longer than ever before, until, with a final, tight jerk of his head, he agreed.

Then I broke away.

--

Time passes. Whether you will it to or not, time passes.

And time did pass.

He held true to my wishes. He ignored me. We would meet each other in classes everyday, a different girl on his arm each time, and there was no sign of recognition, none at all.

Nothing.

And that was what I had wanted, right?

For us to pretend that nothing had ever happened. That we still hated each other, and that those words, yelled so loud in the Great Hall had been a joke, as most of the school population had assumed.

"Oh, break was simple, nothing extraordinary happened." I heard him remark to a blonde girl one evening as we passed each other in a somewhat deserted corridor.

I caught his eye for a second, a moment, a portion of time.

And I looked away.

**--**

**Wow, angry chapter, huh?? Interesting...I'm so happy that I got so many reviews last time!! Thanks to ALL of you that did that!! So, anyways, there's only a few chapters left of this fic!! Sad as I feel, I know it's time to end, before it drags on to unimaginable lengths and nothing ever happens between Sirius and Autumn...so please review now, before it's too late!! Cue the ominous music...heheh. **

**But if any of you guys want to see a bit of foreshadowing on what's to come, check out a new one-shot of mine, 'Whisper of Wind'!! Or the title's something along those lines anyway...:**

**Please Review!!**

**Fanta-Faerie**

**P.S.: For those of you who wrote and read the reveiws I got last chapter and are wondering why the heck Tua didn't go to the ball...I had planned from the beginning to do the opposite of what you polled!! Evil Genius, that's me!! Heh!**


	21. Love

Time passed quickly, and I was engulfed in school and studying. I would wake up in the morning and eat breakfast, go to classes, come back to the common room and study until ten thirty and go to sleep again.

That routine never changed.

In fact, I had truly become, as Lily had once correctly called me, a zombie.

"This is worse than…that time!" She accused, pointing a finger in my chest, unwilling to mention the time before Christmas break. "You wake up, eat, study and go back to bed! What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing, Lily, nothing." I sighed, bending over my textbook. The warm fire in the common room cast flickering shadows over the words, pushing them into focus, and then fluttering them out.

"Don't lie to me, Tua." She sniffed. "I know what's wrong, and what's wrong is Sirius Bl…Black." She trailed off, slowly coming to a halt in shock.

I looked up at her, a dead fire burning in my eyes. My face was expressionless, my eyes boring into hers. "Don't talk about him to me." I told her quietly. "I don't want to hear about him."

I had thought that this had been assumed between us, that it was an unspoken agreement. I had thought she had seen the truth behind it all, the feelings that I wouldn't put into words.

The feelings of abandonment.

The loss.

The thought that he was leaving me.

Alone.

Again.

I didn't want to tell her if she didn't understand, because it seemed much too personal. I didn't hold it against her that she couldn't understand, because her life was nothing like mine.

How could she understand?

Lily looked at me, meeting my gaze with her chin held high. "You care about him. You care about him a lot. James told me what happened over break, and—"

"Oh, so it's James now, is it?" I snapped, my temper flaring unexpectedly. "No more Potter?"

I saw a sudden flash of anger in her eyes, but it died out almost immediately. "Just because your love life isn't working out so well isn't a reason to take it out on me." She said evenly.

"Whatever." I muttered, slamming my book shut. "I'm going to bed."

As I lifted my book bag and started to walk back to our room, Lily called after me.

"It's not my fault, Autumn. And this time, it's not his either. This time...this time, the fault lies with you."

I turned halfway, listening.

"And you, Autumn, are the one that has to fix it." She said, her voice clear and strong. It carried through the common room, turning heads in our direction.

Self-conscious, I looked around, and turned back, ready to flee. But my eyes were suddenly caught, hooked, unable to move.

He was sitting in an armchair, a black-haired girl chattering away on the arm.

But he wasn't listening, I knew, from his posture.

His face was encased in shadows, so indiscernible that his face was completely hidden in darkness.

But his gray eyes seemed to burn, brighter and brighter, diminishing everything else in its glory.

I couldn't stand the light any longer.

I fled.

--

I woke up a week later to shrieks of glee and laughter.

"Omigod!" I heard Kimberly Ann cry. "Look at my gift!"

"Aaah!" I heard the other occupants of the room squeal. "It's so beautiful!"

Bleary-eyed, I lifted myself off the bed, supporting myself on my elbow and looked sleepily towards Lily's bed.

"Don't tell me you forgot." She groaned, looking up, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "It's Valentine's Day!"

I fell back into bed and covered my face with the sheets.

"It's Valentine's Day?" I heard the bed beneath me creak as it's occupant sat up. "Seriously? Wow, I wonder if Paul got me something."

"I'm sure he did." Lily told Amy reassuringly. "He's a total romantic anyway."

I slowly pulled my bed hangings back over my bed, unwilling to look at Amy's still haggard face again.

She and I still hadn't made up, and it was eating away at me, even more than my problems with Sirius. Apparently, she was going steady with Paul, but even so, it was obvious to everybody that she hadn't gotten over what had happened.

Lily was on good terms with the both of us, and would try her very best to include both of us in her conversations, but either Amy would slowly drift away, or I would.

I was too afraid to talk to her, and, I suspected, that she was too bitter to confront me.

And because I was the one who caused the bitterness, I wouldn't approach her.

I heard Amy get off the bed, heard her feet pad to the bathroom and heard the door close softly.

And then my hangings were wrenched open.

"Oh, get up, Tua." Lily said exasperatedly. "She's gone. Get dressed and we can go down to breakfast."

"I just feel so guilty." I muttered.

Lily sighed. Then she looked at me, her eyes softening. "I know. And, truthfully, you should. But I think you've tried your best. And, now, I think the decision is up to her."

I looked up at her, my eyes showing my gratitude. "Okay, I'll be up in a moment. Let me just get dressed."

"Mmkay!" Lily jumped off the bed and started ruffling through her trunk. Watching her out of the corner of my eye, I noticed her picking up an outfit, holding it up, and then stuffing it back in.

Valentine's Day never made Lily this nervous.

What could have happened?

"…I'm sure that James will just love my newest outfit!" I heard Kimberly gush. "After all, he totally complimented my last red dress!"

I saw Lily's back stiffen slightly, and I realized why she had been so meticulous in picking what she was going to wear. But she suddenly swooped down and grabbed the first thing in the trunk that her hands touched and she changed into it mechanically.

"Are you ready?" She asked me, her light-hearted tone gone. "It's almost breakfast time."

"Yeah." I shrugged into a short, long-sleeved gray jacket, and tugged it down a bit. "Let's go."

We left the room, after Lily yelled to Amy that she would be down at breakfast.

"So…" I trailed off as we climbed through the portrait hole. "Is there something going on between you and James?"

She tensed up immediately. "What do you mean, Tua?" She asked me, feigning obvious innocence.

"Oh, nothing." I changed tactics. "Forget I said anything."

We walked in silence for another couple of moments.

"Well, he asked me out to Hogsmeade today." She suddenly said, turning her face so I wouldn't see the blushing rosettes on her cheeks.

I had to struggle to hide my grin as we walked past a painting of a lady stuffing herself with Valentine's chocolates. "Really?" I asked, my voice expressionless. "And what did you say?"

"Yes." She mumbled softly.

"What?" I asked loudly. "Speak up, Lils!"

"I said yes, okay?" She shouted.

I looked ahead, not meeting her embarrassed eyes. "Good." I told her quietly. "I'm glad you did."

"What?" She stumbled on the flagstones. "Really?"

"Yes." I turned to look at her as we walked. "I am. He's a good man, Lily. He really is. And he deserves more than I thought he did. So, maybe this is a good thing."

"Oh." Was her soft reply. We reached the great double doors. Then she turned to look at me. The smile on her face was big, shining brightly. "Thanks."

I grinned back. "Your welcome. Now come on, I'm hungry!"

With a laugh, she agreed and we made our way to our usual table. I reached my place, and caught sight of something at my plate.

My grin slowly started to slide off of my face.

"Tua?" I dimly heard Lily ask. "What's wron—oh!" She gasped.

I looked up, my green eyes searching. I saw a head of black hair, turned away from me, and I focused upon it.

It seemed to feel my gaze, and it turned, slowly, until the gray eyes met mine.

Why? I would ask.

Because. He would reply.

I turned away, back to my plate. There, in a thin crystal vase, was a single rose, redder than a drop of the reddest blood, full in bloom, its petals opening to the sky.

"Wow." Lily said softly. "It's beautiful."

I reached forward tentatively, as if it were a scared animal, ready to bolt at any moment, and softly, very, very softly, I touched one petal.

With a burst of silver sparks, a small, folded up piece of pure white paper drifted to my eye level.

I reached out, and slowly plucked it from the air, and sank into my seat. I opened it and read the one word written in the hand that I knew so well.

_Love_

If I hadn't already been sitting, I would have fell to the floor in shock. I lifted my eyes to meet his, and he looked back, his gaze strong.

I don't regret it. His eyes told me.

"Tua?" I heard Lily ask. I turned away from his piercing gray eyes, and looked at her. "Is it from him?" She asked me, her voice serious.

I laughed, a mirthless chuckle that conveyed my true feelings. "Of course it is. Who else could it be?"

"Well, I thin--" She stopped, suddenly stiffening, her gaze locked on something behind her. I turned, curious, and met the thin, stunned face of Amy, gazing at the perfect rose in shock and hurt.

"Amy?" I whispered softly, just so softly that no one else could hear.

She lifted her eyes to meet mine. I read many emotions, hurt, shock, pain, and...and _regret._ Then she turned and fled the Great Hall, her robes flying out behind her, leaving me sitting next to the everlasting red rose, the symbol of a love that had hurt everybody involved.

--

That night, all Lily could talk about was what James had given her for Valentines. It was so simple, and yet so sweet, that I rather suspected that Remus had suggested the idea to James.

She had the leather-bound copy of Pride and Prejudice clutched in her arms, a half-eaten packet of Honeydukes Finest Chocolates sitting next to her, and the simple note that he had written in her lap.

"I can't believe he was so thoughtful!" She blushed. "It's just so sweet...I mean, I expected him to do something really big, like last year. Do you _remember_ that Cupid that he had following me around all week?"

I nodded absently, my mind still on Sirius and Amy, and she continued.

"But this was so...so unexpected! I'm really, really happy." She beamed, her smile lighting up her face. She hugged the book closer to her. "I'm going to read now, is that okay, Tua?"

"Oh, oh, yeah, sure, go ahead." I waved her aside as she pulled her hangings shut.

I heard the sound of a page being turned, and then the door opened. I looked up, distracted from my thoughts, and ended up facing Amy.

But it wasn't the same Amy I had seen that morning, her face careworn, still holding on to the remnants of the past. Instead, she seemed to be standing straighter, and her soft brown eyes seemed to have gained a new resolve.

"I need to talk to you." She said to me, her voice strong. Then I realized what had been so different about her.

She had reached a decision.

My throat dry, I nodded mutely. I had been foolish to not have expected this before. I should have known that one day, one day, Amy would come to find me, to talk to me. I suppose I just hadn't expected it to be so soon.

"Come on." She gestured towards the stairs. I clambered off the bed, my hands clammy with sweat, and inside my head, I chided myself for being so fearful of what I knew was to come. It was a simple talk between old friends. It shouldn't affect me this much.

But, I reminded myself, there were plenty of other circumstances to take into account anyway.

We reached the common room in silence, her in a brooding quietness, me in an apprehensive one.

She sat in an overstuffed armchair, far from the warmth and quiet din of the fire and those near it. I took her cue and sat down opposite her. It was quite obvious who was holding the power in this conversation, and, given everything, I was quite content to let her have it.

"So..." Amy started, looking at me. I didn't answer, my gaze on my hands folded in my lap. Then I heard her sigh. But not a usual, teenager's sigh, filled with hormones and foolishness, but the sigh of one who had experienced much. "I wanted to apologize." Her words came out in a rush.

I looked up, completely astonished, and somehow, words seemed to pour out of me. "Sorry? Why the hell are _you _sorry? I mean, I'm the one who..I mean, I'm just...I'm just so ashamed!" I burst out. "I'm so, so, so sorry, Amy, so much more than you realize. I should have known, I mean, I _did _know, that you were, are, worth so much more than a guy, no matter who he was, but I hadn't been thinking straight, I just didn't...I mean, it was completely on impulse, I'm just...I'm just so sorry."

My hands were clutched into fists now, my arms ramrod straight at my sides as I looked into her face, searching for the understanding I wanted.

"I know." She said softly. "I really do know, Tua."

I flinched at the use of my nickname.

"I saw how you distanced yourself after everything, and I saw what had happened, and I knew that you were in a lot of pain too, but...I just...I was just so jealous!" She cried, stifling her face in her hands. "I had liked him for so long, and he had finally been mine, and then, to find out that the girl he liked was you!" I heard a sob. "The one girl who despised him!"

"Neither of us realized." I told her, my voice cracking. "He didn't even know until he said those words aloud that...day."

"And that's just what made it worse." She told me, her voice muffled. "Because you had already paid your dues to me. You had suffered enough. And I...I just wanted you to suffer more."

Her words hit me like a whip, cutting into wounds that had only begun to heal. They oozed open, fresh blood pouring out. I stumbled under the pain.

"But I realized." She suddenly said, her hands dropping away, revealing red rimmed eyes, and an odd look upon her face. "I realized today."

I didn't dare to ask what.

But she continued, her voice oddly triumphant. "I realized today that now, that finally, I was the one in the wrong. That I had hurt us both, perhaps more than you had."

"I realized," She said softly, her eyes boring into mine. "That he loves you."

A choked cry tore from my throat, causing a few others in the room to look our way. But seeing the confrontation occuring, they quickly looked away, talking loudly, as if to mask our voices.

"That one simple rose told me so much." She spoke. "It told me the truth. And I found that I was wrong to want you to hurt more, and that to want so was cruel. I can't stand in the way anymore." Amy told me, her back suddenly straighter. "And I won't. Sirius loves you, Autumn. He loves you more than he's ever liked me. And I can't ignore that."

A single tear worked its way down my cheek.

"I'm not going to be selfish any...any long...longer." She completely broke down then, tears overflowing, and she sat, a small, hunched up figure in a huge chair, broken more than anyone had realized. Her best friend had betrayed her, her boyfriend had cheated on her, and everything was a complete and utter mess.

I got up, and put my arms around her, holding her until her sobs had subsided.

"Now shush." I told her, my own voice breaking. "I don't love him, you know. And I'm not going to date him or anything of the sort. His is a misguided notion of love, nothing true or real. So...so don't worry."

However, as I made the promise, for promise it had been, a stone seemed to settle in my chest, weighing me down, tangible, it seemed as the very objects around me.

"No." Amy sniffled, sitting up. "He does love you. And I don't think you should throw it away. Because, Tua, I think you do love him. Even if you don't realize it. And I don't want to be the thing standing in the way any longer."

"You aren't." I promised. "You never were. Because I don't love him. And I never have."

"If you say so." She stared doubtfully, tear tracks slowly drying.

"Anyway, I think...I think we should go to bed." I told her.

"'kay." She mumbled back. She got to her feet, unaided, and started to climb the stairs, myself right behind her.

But as I left, I looked up, I looked back. I looked towards the empty staircase that led to the boys dorms, and I sighed, so softly, so quietly no one could hear.

"I don't love him."

But even to me it sounded like a lie.

**--**

**Yes, yes, it's one of my, ahem, longer chapters...I won't say I'm quite proud of it, because I really do think that there's too much angst going on right now, but it's necessary, it's quite necessary...oh, I'm so sad, though!! Only three more chapters left!! Unless something goes wrong (or right!) and it ends up being more...**

**Oh, and if there aren't any more chapters posted for a while, blame it on Ike. Stupid hurricane...I live RIGHT off of where it hit, and there's NO power ANYWHERE. It's a miracle I can even access this site...but, yeah, please, please, PLEASE review.**

**They're like my LIFE.**

**Love ya all,**

**Fanta-Faerie**


	22. Look At Me Now

And I was happy. Well, perhaps happy was the wrong word, but, all in all, I was content. My two best friends were, once again, my two best friends. We were still in Hogwarts, and life was continuing the same way it had always continued, at least before November.

I had done my very best to forget about Sirius, even reverting to calling him 'Black' whenever he accidentally popped up in a conversation.

And I barely ever saw him any more, either.

Of course, much as I would have liked to go back to the life I had used to lead, there _were _a few changes that were impossible to ignore.

One was Remus.

"You're breaking his heart." He told me, not angrily, but still angrily, one afternoon in the library. "He's nothing like the old Padfoot we all used to love."

I didn't miss the 'all' he had used in the sentence.

"I have no idea who you're talking about." I replied, forcefully turning a page in my Transfiguration textbook.

He was silent for a moment, but he spoke again, this time much more quietly. "Can you really pretend nothing ever happened?" He asked me.

"Yes." Was my only reply.

"I don't think you can." He said after a moment. "I think you care too much about him to pretend you never loved him."

That finally got my full-fledged attention. "Loved?" I laughed mirthlessly. "I have never 'loved' him, Remus. Don't delude yourself!"

"You're right." He suddenly agreed. "You never have loved him. You've always been _in love _with him."

I stiffened, shocked and in visible pain that he would do so much to try and hurt me.

"You're one of my friends, Autumn." He said quietly. "But Sirius is my best friend. And I won't stand for his pain when I know that it's finally not his fault any longer."

I stood up, slamming my books shut. "Fine." I said stiffly. "If that's how you want it."

"That's not how I want it, Tua." Remus said, using my nickname for the first time. "It'll never be how I want it. But it may be how it's going to have to be."

I couldn't look him in the face any longer. I left, dragging my book bag with me, leaving him back at the table, watching me leave with his eyes closed in pity.

Another was my new-found relationship with the Slytherins.

"Hey, Mudblood!" They would call in the middle of the halls. "Where's your traitor of a boyfriend now?" I knew, of course, who they were referring to. My mother had had muggle parents, making me, therefore, a true Mudblood.

But I didn't really care, either way, because I knew that they had no idea of my real relationship with Sirius. However, those remarks usually spread to those standing around me, people that were usually my friends. Lily, for one, would always turn bright red when a Slytherin started mocking her, and her witty comments back never seemed to faze them. Amy would try her best to ignore them, but at some point, they would start to make fun of her looks, which had, no doubt, been affected by the pain she had endured the past few months.

I would do my best to hex them, or to curse them, but the clever idiots always found ways to evade my spell casting.

However, it was bearable, perfectly bearable, until the middle of a blustery March week day.

I had been walking with Amy to dinner, somewhat late, as we had overstayed our welcome in the library. We had been tentatively joking with each other, and I was gaining confidence in my relationship with her at every word.

I heard someone call my name, and I looked up, still laughing, and met the cold, hard eyes of Severus Snape. "Did you say something?" I asked him coolly.

"Oh, I was simply wondering what you two would be doing down here." He replied, his eyes wandering over us and behind the empty hall. "It's not...safe."

"Safe? You mean safe from you? Please, don't make me laugh, _Snivellus_." I snorted. As much as I disliked Snape, I still felt slightly guilty at using the horrible nickname that the Marauders had cooked up for him.

As expected, he flinched back slightly at the word. But he recovered and quickly continued. "Not from _me_, Samuels. But there are plenty of other people who would love to...ahem, trouble you." He sneered.

"You're troubling me right now, Snape, so I suggest either you leave, or you allow us to leave." I said sarcastically, for he was standing right in front of the only entrance/exit to the Great Hall.

He eyed us for a moment, obviously contemplating something, and then, he slowly moved away.

"Thank you." I mocked, and I grabbed Amy's hand and we pushed our way past him.

I don't know what quite came over me at that moment, but I stopped, just a few feet away from the corridor.

"Tua?" Amy asked concernedly. "Is something wrong?"

"No." I shook my head. "No, just, uh, you just go ahead, would you? Save me a seat?"

"Sure." She looked at me oddly, but she continued on her path, disappearing after a moment.

"Can I help you?" Snape said sarcastically behind me. I whirled around, surprised, noticing his raised eyebrows.

"Well..." I hesitated. "Well, I was just wondering why you thought to warn us."

His eyes flickered over me, and I realized he had been hoping to avoid that single question. He was silent for a moment before he muttered a soft reply.

"Excuse me? I didn't catch that." I told him, stepping a little closer to hear better.

He stared at me mutinously, and from the expression on his face, I gathered that he wasn't going to be repeating himself, at least for me. We suddenly heard laughter, and a couple of fourth year Hufflepuffs walked by us, not even noticing us, I guessed.

One of them, the girl, had bright red hair, that looked quite like Lily's except Lily's had more of a subtle glow to it. I noticed Snape's eyes following the child, an odd sort of longing in his eyes.

"Oh." I said softly, suddenly realizing.

His eyes shot back to meet mine, and he flushed, recognizing that I knew what his reason had been.

"D-don't tell anybody." He muttered, looking down at the floor.

Normally, I would have snorted, waved goodbye and told, at the very least, Lily about Snape's little infatuation with her. But, for some reason, the miserable look on his face, moved something inside of me.

"I'm sorry." I told him quietly. "But...she's in love with James."

"You think I don't know that?" His eyes flashed up to meet mine angrily. "You think that doesn't haunt me everyday of my life?"

I stepped back, startled, at his vehemence. I didn't know what else to say. I shook my head slowly, from side to side, a small, very, very, small part of me wishing that people that him, people like the both of us would one day receive our happy endings. But I knew better, especially by now. "I'm sorry." I told him again. Then I left, walking out of the corridor, leaving behind a Slytherin that had a heart bigger than his House would allow.

--

I woke up the next day, a Thursday, with a heavy heart. What Snape had unwillingly revealed to me had struck a chord somewhere deep in my heart. I glanced down at Lily as she got dressed, pinning up her abundant red hair with a black clip.

"Is something wrong?" She asked me, noticing my glance.

I looked at her, wondering if I should tell her about Snape's unrequited love. "No. It's nothing." I smiled weakly at her, hoping she wouldn't see through my pathetic defense.

If she did, she chose to ignore it, and went on getting dressed.

I clambered off the bed, waking up Amy as I did so, and the rest of the day proceeded as normally as possible, under the circumstances. At least, it did until dinner.

Lily, Amy, and I had been on our way to the Great Hall for dinner, my mouth already watering at the sight of the roast beef awaiting us. However, as we walked, I heard someone jeering, mocking _me._

I turned, ready to give the Slytherin a piece of my mind, when he suddenly threw a piece of food at me. It hit me, right in the middle of my chest, splattering me with gravy and meat. I reeled back, the force having been a bit much.

"Oh, the horrible jerks!" Lily muttered, casting dark looks at the Slytherin table as she and Amy did their best to brush me off. But I was suddenly hit with another piece of food, this one not from the Slytherins. I saw Kimberly Ann looking off innocently in a different direction.

And then, another, and another. I sank to the floor, covering my head as a minature food fight started, me as the target. I looked up at the teachers table, and realized, that for some reason, not a single one of them were there.

"Where are the teachers?" Lily asked angrily, doing her best to shield me from the food as we crouched in the middle of the Great Hall.

"No idea." Amy shook her head, whacking away a slice of bread with a swift movement of her hand.

"Forget it." I said suddenly, standing up, and pushing them aside. "I'm not going to let some idiots stop me from eating."

I stalked over to our seats, dragging the both of them with me, not showing that I even noticed the food being thrown. I sat, and was just about to turn to talk to Amy, when a hand suddenly appeared next to my cheek, an eclair clutched in it's fist, an eclair that had just been thrown at my face.

I looked up, and met those familiar gray eyes, looking down at me with the most gentle expression I had ever seen them wear.

"At the beginning of the year, I was the one throwing this, wasn't I?" He asked me quietly. "And look at me now."

I didn't answer, looking back down at my plate.

He stood their for a moment, before he leaned down, and took the seat next to me. I made no comment, neither inviting him, or denying him. So we both ate, in complete silence, but we ate next to each other, and for those few moments, I felt like that was all that was needed.

--

I sighed to myself, how stupid could I really be? I had left my Arthimancy homework in the library that day, and that was what was causing me to be sneaking around the castle in the dead of the night, when every other sane person was asleep.

I crept around a corridor, looking from side to side, hoping that no teachers were on patrol this late at night. I had just padded past an unusually blank stretch of stone wall, when a noise made me halt in my tracks.

My head whipped around, searching for the source of the noise, but, seeing none, I continued onwards.

And then I slammed into the wall, someone having pushed me so hard that I was seeing stars wherever I looked.

"Well, well, well." I heard someone sneer. "Look at what we have here? A little Gryffindor, off to sneak around at night."

A wandtip ignited, and I realized that I was surrounded by around five Slytherins, all of them older than me.

One of them obviously recognized me, because eyes widening, he turned to the one who I supposed was their leader. "Rodolphus, it's that Mudblood that the traitor Black is in love with!"

"Hmmm." Lestrange murmured, an evil smile lighting up his face. He forced my head up by thrusting his wand under my chin, and pushing upwards. I tried to move, the want to punch him overpowering, but I found that I couldn't. Noticing my futile movements with a flicker of his cold eyes, he turned slightly to the Slytherin that had recognized me. "Avery, bind her."

Within another moment, I was bound and gagged against the wall, as five malicious Slytherin men advanced on me, their wands aloft, identical evil grins on their faces.

**--**

**Heh heh, like my not-so-good cliffe?? I agree, the ending probably could have been better, but whatever. I also realize that the beginning of the chapter seems kind of pointless, but I felt like I needed to show ALL the relationships that Autumn has with people. Though James didn't come much into here, but whatever...and Snape!! Poor, poor Snape...he's my second favorite character in the books, right after our awesome Sirius!!**

**Only two more chapters, so please, please review!! Cuz my goal is at least two hundred reviews by the end of the story :) (P.S.- Should Sirius come in to save the day, or should I let a teacher find out what's happening?? I haven't quite decided yet...;)**

**Fanta-Faerie**


	23. I Love Him

I was dreaming. I had to be dreaming. There was no other way that such a thing was possible, right?

Here I was, in the dead of the night, bound and gagged, being levitated across the grounds, just because I had forgotten my Arthimancy homework.

How could this not be a dream?

"Set her down." Lestrange directed, pointing imperiously to a muddy spot a few yards from the lake.

I was thrown down into the filthy brown, mud seeping into my clothes, clinging to my black hair.

"Now what?" Avery asked, a malicious grin on his wicked face. "Should she 'trip'? I have a few new curses at the ready, Rodolphus, some very good ones."

"No, no…that would be much too obvious. Though I _am _somewhat interested in those curses; we shall test them out on that first year later, understand?" He added as an afterthought. "Besides, we must make so that she cannot talk, or at the very least, no one believes her foolish words."

The satisfied chuckles coming from around me chilled me to the very bone. I had to find a way out of here, somehow.

As the Slytherins kept debating, I looked around, searching for something that might help me defend myself against five powerful wizards.

The most I could find was a rock, but I was powerless to lift it, being gagged as I was.

Noticing my struggles, Lestrange broke off from his conversation. "Oh, Avery, feel free to release the Full-Body-Bind on her. It's quite amusing to watch her struggle so pathetically."

With a snigger, I could move, though my hands were still tied behind my back. The gag they had used had also fell off, and I immediately started to call them every foul word I could think of.

"My, my, my…this one has quite the dirty mouth, doesn't she?" Lestrange said, an eyebrow raised in amusement. "Well, what would you expect from a Gryffindor?"

"At least we're not so cowardly as to pick our fights in the dark!" I spat at him, my teeth bared.

His eyes glittering coldly, he looked down at me. "I wouldn't be saying such things to the men who, incidentally, have you at their mercy."

"I'll say whatever I want to the filth that have me here!" I snarled. "You're too weak to let me loose and fight me one-on-one!"

"Weak?" He laughed in amusement. "My dear Autumn, do not delude yourself. We are nothing if we are not strong. Strength is quite simply, the basis of our friendship."

"I can see that." I said sarcastically, making a point of glaring at Gibbon whose muscles were about the size of my head. I slowly started to sit up, using my elbows and knees as points as which to levitate myself upwards. "Now what the hell do you want?"

"Want?" Lestrange honestly seemed surprised. "We want nothing from you. You have absolutely nothing that could be of any service towards us."

"Then why the drama production?" I asked him, keeping my voice level, discreetly fiddling with the bands tying my hands together.

"Why, for fun, of course." He blinked at me as if this was the most innocent answer possible.

"This is what you do for fun?" I asked him in disbelief. "Tie up innocent girls and torture them?"

The almost friendly look that had been on his face slowly dissipated. It was replaced with a much more fearsome expression, one that was almost hungry with anticipation. "Quite." The look on his face was suddenly all the more gruesome for it started to stretch into a grin, evil to the very core. "Gibbon!" He called, his eyes flickering between me and something behind me.

"Yeah?" He lumbered up, looking questioningly at Lestrange. "What is it, Rodolphus?"

"I have had the most splendid idea." He told him, looking at me happily. His other cronies began to shift closer, drawing as near as they dared towards my snarling form. "I think that Miss Samuels looks rather..._dirty_, don't you?"

Avery began to grin as he caught on to his plan. I, however, was still in the dark, as was the other three standing around me.

"Eh?" Gibbon asked, cocking his head at him. "What'd you mean?"

"I mean, that Samuels might like to take a bath. And, why, look over there." Lestrange said, pointing. "There's a lake right next to us! I suggest taking her for a swim, don't you?"

The grins on their faces were suddenly frightening. Much of my bravado fled at the realization that they were planning on drowning me.

But I rallied enough to spit at Lestrange as, with a flick of his wand, I was levitated into the air. "You'll never get away with this!" I spat the cliched line. "Do you seriously think that Dumbledore won't realize who killed one of his students?"

He laughed, a deep sound that made my chest constrict with fear. "You assume much too much, Autumn. Now, why don't you _go for a swim!_"

I was suddenly plunged into the greenish lake, and I choked as I inhaled water. I was pulled deeper and deeper into the bottomless depths of the water. Everything was green, everything was dark, cold, everything was...was...was fading...it was turning black...I couldn't see...I couldn't...I couldn't breathe...

And then I was thrown into the air, water spewing out of my mouth as I was once again suspended over the lake. I coughed, water trickling out of my mouth, along with something else, something darker. People were laughing.

"Stop." I gasped for breath, a hacking noise issuing from deep in me. "Stop it."

"You didn't seriously think we would let you off that easily, did you?" Lestrange chuckled, his wand holding me aloft. "This should be quite fun." And with a downward stroke of his wand, I was once again under the water.

How many times they submerged me in the freezing water I would never know. It seemed never ending, and my eyes were beginning to close from the cold, the exhaustion, and the pain. Their mocking laughter became a sound that never faded from my ears, echoing in my head even as I was pulled under the icy water.

And then finally, finally, they pulled me up out of the water for what I felt was the last time. I revolved in the air, twenty, thirty feet above their heads and the lake.

My clothes were drenched, and my skin was unbearably cold. I could barely even speak, my teeth were chattering so much from the pain.

"Done yet, Slytherin?" I croaked, still defiant to the end.

He regarded me thoughtfully, wondering, I supposed, how I could still speak. "I see that the tales of Gryffindor bravery weren't false. Quite frankly, I'm astonished you can still speak."

I glared at him from under black lashes covered in ice.

"Oh well." He shrugged noncommittally. He turned to Avery. "Leave her in there."

The blood in my veins turned to pure ice.

With the cruelest turn yet, I was slammed into the water and I sank farther into the depths of the millenia old lake.

Bubbles began to rise from my mouth, floating upward, a hand outstretched towards the stream as if I could catch them. My black hair billowed around me clouding my vision.

_..."What is WRONG with you?"..._

_..."Any dream about you isn't a dream, it's a nightmare, Samuels!"..._

Was that really true? My eyes stared unseeing towards the fading light.

_..."And then I put the dragon dung all over her!"..._

It had only been a harmless prank...

..._"And I don't hate her."..._

_..."You really think he's the perfect boyfriend?"..._

The tears that were leaking from my eyes were fading into the water.

_..."What would I do without you?"..._

He was going to find out, wasn't he...he was going to...

_..."I CARE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, DAMN IT!!"..._

The last of the bubbles faded away into the distance.

Everything was fading, everything was going black...I could see nothing...

_..."You're worthless."..._

I sank, down, down, down...

_I love him._

My mind was suddenly clear.

_I love him._

I felt strength flow back into my body.

_I LOVE HIM!!_

I gathered up all my energy, every ounce of strength, pain and hurt I had felt over the years into me and...and I kicked. I swam and I kicked, upwards, farther and farther, until the light was growing brighter, and I could see the murky waves the water was making.

And then my head burst through the surface of the lake, not for the pain I had once endured, but for the love I suddenly realized I had.

_I love him._

Struggling, taking the deepest breaths possible, gasping and choking for air, I swam. I made it four feet from the shore and I collapsed. But not onto the sandy ground I had expected, but into an achingly familiar chest, soaked through, heaving with tearless sobs. My arms came up, holding on to him tightly.

"I thought you were gone." He whispered into my hair. "I thought you were dead!" He clutched me to him, his hands running through my hair.

My arms were around his neck, pressing him closer and closer to me, never wanting to let him go. "I'll never leave you again." I promised, salty tears falling heavily down both our faces. "Never."

"Why?" He asked me, so, so, softly.

"Because...because I love you."

And he kissed me, so softly, so sweetly, but so passionately, so loving that my cold, drenched heart started to beat faster and faster with happiness.

When we finally stopped, gasping for air, I leaned on him, my head on his shoulder as we stood, water lapping at our thighs as the moon shone dimly over the stars.

A shadow moved, and Severus Snape stepped out from the darkness.

His coal black eyes that so loved my best friend were turned towards me, and his mouth opened, to utter three words.

"Now we're even."

I watched him leave, making his way slowly up the castle steps, and knew that I would ever be the only person that realized the truth- that Snape had defied his House for the very first time, had proven himself to be more than what anyone had ever expected him to be. He had saved a Gryffindor girl, forgetting the traditions laid down by the centuries, and he had saved me.

I hugged Sirius closer to me as we stood shivering in the black water.

"I'm kind of cold." I told him quietly.

"Yeah, me too." He chuckled, gripping me harder. "Shall we?"

"We shall." Hand in hand, we walked away, back to the castle, back to Hogwarts, and back to face what we had so long feared.

_I love him._

**_--_**

**Viola! Or whatever that word is anyway. The end is near!! One more chapter, the very final epilogue and my first ever Harry Potter fanfic shall be finished!! I'm so sad, because I love this story SO much, but it's time for Sirius and Autumn's happy ending!! Thanks SO SO SO much to all my reviewers, cuz you guys ROCK (Esp. Naflower05 because I got my idea for this chappie from you!! Thanks!!) and please don't forget to read the last chapter!!**

**Fanta-Faerie**

**P.S.-REVIEW PLEASE!! (My goal is 200 reviews for this story...:)**

**P.P.S- I realized, reading this over, that Snape had much more to do with this than I ever expected...he's really such a good guy!! **

**P.P.S.S- I MIGHT do a sequel, but if I do, Autumn WILL die or something, or leave him, or something like that, OR I could do this same story from James/Lily point of view, which I HAVE been debating about for a while now...please tell me what you think!!**


	24. Epilouge

Time passed so quickly that I barely even noticed the days fly by. Everything had changed, and nothing, I knew, would ever be the same.

We were sitting in the little train compartment heading for Kings Cross, four of us, anyway. James and Sirius had left, probably to go prank another hapless first year.

"I can't believe the year is over!" I sighed, brushing a flyaway lock of hair from my face. "It passed so…eventfully!"

Remus grinned slightly, leaning back in his seat, knowing perfectly well that 'fast' wasn't fast enough for any of us.

"Three Aces." He spoke, throwing down three cards onto the huge pile. "I agree." He added. "But summer will pass by too quickly, either way."

"One one." Lily said, passing forward a card. "I know." She agreed. "But we have to meet up over the summer!"

"Looking forward to seeing James?" I teased, slapping down my next cards. "Three twos."

Lily blushed, answering my question without a word. Remus laughed, and I started to snicker. Even Peter let a grin escape him.

"Speaking of James, where is he, anyway?" Remus asked, leaning over to open the compartment door. "And Sirius?"

I rolled my eyes. " I heard that they were going to go prank Lestrange. Something about turning his head into a fish, I think…"

"What?" Lily stood up, the pile of cards she had clattering to the floor. "He's doing _what_?" Her eyes had narrowed, and she looked just about ready to breathe fire. "He said he wasn't going to prank anybody for the rest of the year!!"

"Oops." I muttered. "So _that _was what Sirius told me not to tell her."

"Oh, that Potter!" Lily fumed, storming past us, wrenching the door open. "POTTER??" She shouted, stomping down the corridor. "WHERE ARE YOU?"

Remus and I looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"I don't envy James when Lily catches up with him." I gasped between chuckles.

"He had better run!" Remus agreed, holding his stomach.

The door suddenly opened, but there was no one there. "Crap." We heard someone mumble. "She's already on the lookout." James and Sirius materialized in front of us, pulling off the cloak.

"How'd it go?" Remus asked, grinning.

"Perfectly." Sirius smirked. "I love this whole payback thing."

"You would." I rolled my eyes and moved over to make room for him. "Oh, and you had better go find Lily." I added to James.

"Why?" He asked, grabbing an unopened chocolate frog from a seat.

"Because she just might have found out that you were pranking someone." I told him, suppressing a grin as he dropped the half-opened frog in horror.

His face turning white with fear, he nodded and got up. "Lilykins…" We heard him call. "I didn't do anything…"

Sirius closed the door, grinning mischievously at me as he took the seat next to me. "So?" he asked, his hand settling around my waist. "What're we doing?"

"_You _are interrupting a game." I told him, leaning slightly closer. "It's your turn, Peter."

An eventful hour later, after Lily had found James, and James had been yelled into submission, the train started to slow.

We changed out of our school robes into jeans and shirts, and Lily and I left the compartment, ready to find Amy.

We stopped at number 17 and Lily opened the door. And just as quickly shut it.

"Sorry." Lily said, her face bright red. "Didn't mean to interrupt!"

"Interrupt what?" I asked, reaching around her to look. "Oh." My jaw dropped, as I found Amy wrapped tightly around Paul Peters. We had obviously stopped a snogging session.

"Er…" Amy trailed off, blushing.

"Bye!" I slammed the door shut, and Lily and I made our way, laughing, back to our compartment.

The train slowly pulled to a halt at King's Cross Station, the school year officially ended. We squeezed through the crowds, the eight of us that the year had begun with.

Lily, Amy, Remus, Peter, James, Sirius and I.

I quickly spotted my mother and Henry, who was jumping up and down excitedly at the prospect of seeing the train. Waving, I turned back to my friends.

"I'll miss you." Sirius murmured in my ear, his arms slowly wrapping around my waist.

"You'd better." I teased, putting my arms around his neck. He kissed me once, a soft sweet kiss, and I blushed at the catcalls I heard around the station.

"They're just jealous." Sirius told me with a wink.

"Oh, I can tell." I smirked, catching sight of Kimberly-Ann's furious face. "But who wouldn't be?"

He laughed and leaned in again, but we were interrupted by James's call. "Padfoot! Come on, mate! It's about time we left!"

Turning, we saw Mr. and Mrs. Potter walking towards us. "How are you, dear?" Mrs. Potter asked me, smiling gently.

"I'm fine." I told her with a grin. "Actually, I'm great."

She smiled again, patted my shoulder and went to hug Sirius. I turned again, searching for Lily and found her talking to James in a corner, the both of them slowly turning red. Then she did something completely unexpected: She gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Blushing furiously, I heard her mutter "Bye!" as she ran into the milling crowds.

James stood there for a moment, stiff as a board in shock. Then he jumped into the air with a triumphant yell. "YES!!!"

I stifled a snort at his reaction. "Reconsidering, are you?" I asked Lily, who had come to stand beside me. We both watched James start dancing in the middle of the train station.

"Maybe." She told me, a soft look on her face. "Maybe." We both turned at the sound of Lily's name being called. "Ew." Lily shuddered. "It's Petunia."

"I don't envy you there." I grimaced, looking at her sulky older sister.

"Tell me about it." She muttered, casting a look around. "Hey, wait, what are they doing?"

Sirius had somehow calmed down James and they were sneaking up behind an unsuspecting third year right in front of us, wands aloft and identical evil smirks on their faces.

"Hey, Sirius, be care--!!"

A flash of yellow light, and suddenly my nose was a huge, ripe, bright red tomato.

My eyes narrowed, my fists clenched and I opened my mouth angrily.

"BLACK!"

**---**

**And there it is, folks. It's finished. **** I'm so sad, and yet so happy that 'Autumn' is finally over!!! Thank you SO much to ALL of you that have read this story and kept it going through all my bad chapters and good ones!!! (And to those of you who cheered me up with your amazingly long reviews!!!) Just a few last notes before I finish this forever!!!**

**Does ANYBODY else agree with me that Joe Jonas just FITS the image of Sirius???? At least in this story??? When I write, he's who I imagine as Sirius!!!! Heh.**

**I'm still debating between another Sirius/Autumn fic, or a James/Lily one that takes place at the same time that 'Autumn' did…I don't know, but I'd love your reviews on which to do!!! Oh, and please read that, when I start it!!! **

**I will probably be dropping in on Sirius and Autumn from time to time in one-shots, just to keep myself happy…I can't give up, because I simply love them!!!!**

**Oh, and I think I might have found Autumn and Sirius's song!!! Or song/s. Here is my playlist for them: Can't Have You by the Jonas Brothers, Hero by Enrique Iglesias, and Two Worlds Collide by Demi Lovato. I think the last song fits this story the best, just cuz of the chorus line "When two different worlds collide…" **

**And now, for the very last time, PLEASE REVIEW!!!! (And keep reading, cuz it's what makes my day!)**

**I love all of you!!! Thank you again!!!!**

**Fanta-Faerie**


	25. Note: Sequel

Hey hey guys!

No, this isn't a chapter. :D Autumn is totally and completely finished, lol. But what this IS is a question...I know I mentioned forever and a half ago about writing a sequel to Autumn, and I was wondering how many of you would still be interested? The full details about what I'm planning/thinking about is on my profile, at the veeeeery bottom.

I love everyone's ideas, so please keep them coming!

3 Fanta-Faerie


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